My girls are awesome in their element. When I played sports, I had an element, too. It was called the bench.
My girls don’t spend too much time in my element. Ask my parents. Hey, there’s my boy. Him, the one with the bat in his hand. No, not at the plate. No, not on deck. He’s the one balancing a Gatorade cup on the end of his bat.
I could hope for junk time, though. There’s always hope for junk time.
Grace sat up, wired and rapping, on the noisy urgent-care bed.
The steroids administered as treatment for an asthma attack now in full effect, she belted out Big Sean’s moment in Justin Bieber’s “As Long as you Love Me.”
“Idon’tknowifthismakessense,” she rambled out at 11:30 p.m. on a school night, “butyou’remyhalleLUjuh!”
She completed Big Sean’s bit in 3.62 seconds. All seven times she did it.
Memorable urgent-care visit? I’d say so. But it didn’t make the top five list of memorable emergencies and injuries she and I compiled and scrawled on a gauze pad as we waited for the doctor.
The kid with the sometimes ironic name has had her share of stories, from this asthma-induced visit to a hyperextended elbow suffered when she tried to slip into a cardboard box by climbing up the side of a couch. (That didn’t make the top 5 list, either).
Here’s hoping there isn’t enough for a volume II – and the top 5, listed in increasing intensity and severity:
1. Lump on her forehead from playing “Man on the Ground”
Metal poles are game-changers for second-graders – especially with her eyes shut tight.
Familiar with “Man on the Ground”? It’s like Marco Polo, only without the soft surroundings of a swimming pool. Instead, the “it” player darts around a playground, eyes closed, picking up audible cues from opponents to tag someone else. It’s no sport for those fearful of manholes, cactus or cliffs normally reserved for Wile E. Coyote.
With what I can only imagine was the sound of a gong, Grace instead found a metal pole, and stumbled away with a sizable egg on her forehead, wobbly knees and a great story to tell – if she can remember it.
2. Dislocated finger
Three of Grace’s fingers pointed north. The other? More north northwest.
Grace walked slowly to the sideline with her hand flat in front of her like a frying pan during a tournament soccer match. I saw her middle finger pointing thataway when the rest were going thisaway. “Oh honey,” the match nurse said, “let me see that,” at which time she yanked the protruding digit back in line with the rest.
A little ice and tape later, Grace was ready for action again, declaring to players on her team and the opponent when she got close enough, “I dislocated my finger!” Like it was her first holy communion or something.
3. Shoulder injury
A chippy match met a sudden injury delay when a dirty tackle sent Grace sprawling.
A nasty slide tackle took Grace’s feet out from under her. She slid several feet on her right shoulder, which pushed unnaturally forward as she limped off the field in tears. A medic on hand secured and iced her shoulder against everything from a dislocation to a fractured collarbone to an upper arm break as the boy who tackled her tearfully apologized.
As play resumed and parents advised me which emergency room to take her to, Grace asked if she could take the ice out of the sling and go back in.
4. Ants take a bite out of Grace
Turns out, the kid’s allergic to ant bites.
An innocent frolic in an ant hill turned a buggy mess for Grace when she was a toddler. They bit, they chomped, they latched on. One bit so fiercely to her rumpus that its body clenched up in defiance when we tried to pry it off. Grace’s face swelled, giving her cro magnon eyebrows and red blotches.
The allergy stopped at distorting her face, leaving us with a homo erectus baby bouncing around in the emergency and seemingly enjoying the trip.
5. A dog, a bite, an ambulance ride and stich in the face
Grace, my sweet little chew toy.
She offered to help a mom with two kids and two dogs. She asked to pet the border collie, who then lunged at her and bit her in the face. The bite opened a small but deep gash in Grace’s lower lip. Responding medics wanted to get her quickly to a hospital for a stitch, in case she needed additional surgery for a facial injury.
Grace cried when she was bit, but kicked back in the ambulance and chilled out in yet another emergency room visit. Even when the doctor stitched up her face, Grace didn’t shed another tear.