Guest Post: Marie, of Normal Everyday Life, on When Dad Loses to Son

EJP
EJP

Camdyn gives me all I can handle in a rousing round of disc golf.

We use a handicap system that keeps 10-year-old kids who rarely play and 40-somethings who play nearly every day on a competitive plane. With two holes to go, though, I had a chance to clinch a victory with a very long putt.

“I make this long one,” I said from about 25 yards away, “and I win.”

She braced and hoped to watch my shot go wayward and the match to go on. Instead: CHING! A beautiful, game-clinching putt. She scowled, turned on her heel, and marched to the next hole. She was ticked.

Continue reading “Guest Post: Marie, of Normal Everyday Life, on When Dad Loses to Son”

Guest Post: Stephanie of So I’ve Been Thinking, on Sports Parents Behaving Badly

photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc
photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc

Do you know Stephanie Rufa? She’s a thinker.

She even writes the blog So I’ve been thinking … and this is how something good always starts. (I’m glad it’s that way for her. For me, it’s usually how tales of woe begin. They end with sprains, stains and sometimes litigation).

But anyway … 

I’m happy to have Stephanie here at the CD today. She’s here to talk about the things we parents do on the sidelines. You know, when we forget that it’s just a game. And set not-so-stellar examples for the kids we brought there.

Continue reading “Guest Post: Stephanie of So I’ve Been Thinking, on Sports Parents Behaving Badly”

Guest Post: 5 Things I Want my Kids to Learn from Sports, by Christine of Love, Life, Surf

photo credit: kennymatic via photopin cc
photo credit: kennymatic via photopin cc

Christine Yu and I have a lot in common – we like avocados, triathlons, and writing.

guest postOK, avocados and writing. She’s a mother of two and a fantastic writer who transitions with ease from yoga to surfing to poignant posts about life on her hugely popular blog Love Life Surf.

It’s an honor to host such a revered writer as Christine here on Coach Daddy.

Her boys, Jasper and Everett, are more blessed than we, her readers. They’re getting an incredible mentor in life. Today, Christine shares with us five things she hopes her boys learn from sports. 

Continue reading “Guest Post: 5 Things I Want my Kids to Learn from Sports, by Christine of Love, Life, Surf”

Guest Post: Toby of Dumbass News is My Maine Man

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We’re all about culture up in here, at Coach Daddy.

Toby writes a blog called Dumbass News. No, it’s not the detroit red wings fan newsletter. It has a very distinctive symbol and news that you’d find disturbing and amusing. Or, just disturbing, if it happens to be about you.

He’s here at Coach Daddy today to talk about a refined cultural event that takes place in his home state.

Check out his pages, too, where the language has a few more crayons in its array then we do around here (unless you count all of Kathy’s submissions from Kissing The Frog. She has Toby-esque license, apparently.)

Continue reading “Guest Post: Toby of Dumbass News is My Maine Man”

5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Stadium Screens, Two Miamis and Gangsta Rappers

The JumboTron has spoiled us a bit.

I took my U11 girls soccer team – the Dynamite – to a game at Hickory Ridge High. Some kids weren’t watching when Northwest Cabarrus scored one if its goals – a pretty nice shot, actually.

Those who missed it instinctively looked toward the end zone, hoping to catch the replay on JumboTron. Not in Harrisburg, N.C., you won’t.

It made me think of Arizona Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald, a favorite of my girls. As he sprinted to a 70-plus yard score during Super Bowl XLIII, he glanced wide-eyed at the JumboTron at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, just to see who was around him.

Funny, he could check on the widening gap between him and all Pittsburgh Steelers defenders, yet officials couldn’t look at it to see Santonio Holmes’ alleged winning touchdown actually shouldn’t have counted.

One foot in, incomplete pass.

We’re not bitter, though. As Ice Cube once said, “The worst thing you can do about a situation is nothing.”

So, we’ll keep complaining.

Here’s what the girls have asked lately.

1. Are those just big TV screens?

Yes. It’s the ultimate big-screen TV. God bless America.

Sony created this technology so that Larry can check where Troy Polamalu is, but also so we can see close-ups of Ellie Goulding or Ke$ha or The Kinks in concert. JumboTron is Sony’s registered trademark, but, like Kleenex is for tissues and Tampax is for … well, like Kleenex is for tissues, it’s the accepted lexicon for any big-ass TV screen in any big-ass stadium.

Except at Hickory Ridge High in Harrisburg. There, you have to pay attention the first time something cool happens.

2. Does the guy who does Ferb’s voice do two people’s?

No. Thomas Sangster voices Ferb, the green-haired brother on Phineas and Ferb, and only Ferb. It’s also not true that the premise – two step-brothers who embark on epic science projects to the chagrin of older sister Candace – was conceived from the diaries of a delusional real-life big sister who committed suicide, as one of your sisters might have gleaned from Facebook or some such.

Although, Grace and Marie, I think you make Elise delusional at times. Or should I blame my most-hated Disney Channel show going, Austin and Ally?

I’d rather watch the Steelers win a Super Bowl with a lousy official’s call than a single episode of that stinker on a JumboTron.

3. Why do they put Fla. after Miami in the college football scores?

So that boosters’ illegal payments to football players will go to the right place – South Beach, not Southwest Ohio.

Miami is in Oxford, Ohio. It’s in the Mid-American Conference, and the RedHawks won’t soon be confused with The U. – the University of Miami Hurricanes. Miami of Ohio might not have any football titles to its name, but it’s more than 100 years older than Miami of Florida. And they have really cool new helmets.

Heck, Florida still belonged to Spain when Miami of Ohio welcomed its first students. And Ferb was just a glimmer in his papa’s eye.

4. Can a woman who isn’t married get pregnant?

No. NEVER.

I mean, yes. She can. So, be careful.

NO!

For the love of Shawn Kemp, Octomom and baby mamas everywhere.

This one’s tough.

There are 17,000 former professional athletes who wish they couldn’t. And twice as many high school boys who couldn’t be bothered to stop by the Circle K for some provisions before landing at a girl’s house between the last school bell and mama coming home from her bank job.

What, you couldn’t just watch Phineas and Ferb, son?

OK. Yes, she can get pregnant. But my hope is she won’t, until she’s married.

5. What is Ice Cube’s real name?

Jennifer Lawrence. Oh, wrong question!

Ice Cube, the hip-hop record producer/actor/screenwriter/film producer/director and keeper of cold Coor’s cans, was born O’Shea Jackson. He’s clearly too cool to go around being called two last names – the first of which is Irish, for Pete’s sake – while pioneering the fine art of gansta rap.

Seriously, what MC could go by Fresh Dog O’Shea?

I entered O’Shea Jackson into the rap-name generator at myrapname.com and came up with Methodical O’Shea J Force.

Not as cool as Ice Cube, no.

Also not as cool as Harsh Dollar Eli P Spin, a.k.a. Lethal Flash, which is what it generated for “Eli P.”

Only you don’t want to see Lethal Flash’s mug on a JumboTron, do you?

5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About J-Law, Beach Water and Getting a Shark to Say “Cheese”

photo credit: Si-MOCs via photopin cc
photo credit: Si-MOCs via photopin cc

Dads do hard work.

GAD GRAPHICWe have to open pickle jars.

Eat pizza crusts. And rejected pepperoni.

Take kids to baseball games. And buy ice cream in baseball hats.

Coach soccer teams and chaperone field trips to museums.

Partake in post-game snacks and post-season pizza parties.

Snuggle on the couch to watch Indiana Jones movies.

Explain rules during football games. And baseball games. And why we hate the raiders.

Say “yes” to a little snick-snack at the grocery store.

And … research Go Ask Daddy questions. Like the first one this week.

Someone’s got to do it …

1. What other movies is Jennifer Lawrence in?


Sigh.

J-Law’s signature role, of course, is as Katniss Everdeen in Hunger Games. But other movies, such as Winter’s Bone, for which she learned to chop wood, fight, and skin squirrels, likely prepared her to become Katniss.

And to handle awkward male fans twice her age.

She was also in The Devil You Know, Silver Linings Playbook and House at the End of the Street, after which I had recurring nightmares. And by nightmares, I mean dreams about her character scampering through the forest in jeans and a white tank top.

Next question.

2. Do worms have hearts?

photo credit: Nomadic Lass via photopin cc
photo credit: Nomadic Lass via photopin cc

Focus, Eli.

Worms do not have hearts in the sense that we humans do. In fact, a worm is shaped like a section of intestine, because it basically is an intestine, with a mouth on one end and a pooper on the other. Worms have two aortic arches rings that pump blood back and forth around the digestive apparatus that make up the vast majority of the worm. But we wouldn’t call it a heart, in the true sense.

Worms do not observe St. Patrick’s Day or get teary when they hear the National Anthem.

3. How does the water at the beach stay so clear?

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photo credit: Waves via photopin (license)

After a lifetime of visits Myrtle Beach and the Charleston area beaches, wrought with murky waters and angry jellyfish, you finally got to visit a beach, Grace, where you could stand in the water and see your toes.

Without dipping a beaker into the waves to test it, my guess is that there’s less algae and plankton at Topsail than some beaches. Pollution plays a role, too. Pure water is perfectly clear; ocean water isn’t pure, but the less stuff it has floating in it, the better clarity it will have when you look at your toes.

I’d prefer to believe in this theory than consider sharks, whales and ocean-swimming families are dirtier in Charleston and Myrtle Beach than in Topsail, mostly because I’ve had my mouth open when I swam in those places.

4. Why are softballs bigger than baseballs?

photo credit: Day 136/365 via photopin (license)
photo credit: Day 136/365 via photopin (license)

Because, Jennifer Lawrence.

Actually, because softball players participate in far-off tournaments an average of once every 17 minutes, the balls they use are swollen from constant battering by expensive aluminum bats.

NO REALLY, softball diamonds are several feet smaller than baseball fields. If softball players hit the smaller, harder baseball on the smaller diamond they play on, can you imagine how dangerous it would be? Softball players would be toothless gum-chummers with bruises upon bruises upon bruises.

And not even worms deserve that.

5. How do they take up-close pictures of sharks?

photo credit: Shark Cage Diving in Hermanus via photopin (license)
photo credit: Shark Cage Diving in Hermanus via photopin (license)

Very.Carefully.

Because strapping a camera to the arse of a yummy seal proved costly and provided gruesome footage, nature biographers took to using underwater cameras they hold out in front of them. Discovery Channel used an $18,000 camera for the most recent Shark Week, a high-tech model they call the Phantom HD Gold – and which some sharks refer to as “crunchy appetizer for human flank steak.”

No thanks. I’d rather be gummed to death by softball players using the wrong ball, or slowly digested by overzealous worms. Because a dad has to draw the line somewhere.

I wouldn’t film these sharks for anything.

Not even an armload of Jennifer Lawrence’s pizza crusts.

sharks quote

On the Road Again: This Time, at the Wondering Brain

photo credit: Pixco 0.45X Wide Converter - 20mm via photopin (license)
photo credit: Pixco 0.45X Wide Converter – 20mm via photopin (license)

Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves the Rockies.  Jesus loves premium hamburgers. And Jesus loves me. I could have been a Gospel writer. I feel like Eli could have covered the Christ beat with John, Luke, Mark, and Matthew, back in the day.

As a Religious Studies minor, I’ve always likened the four Gospel writers are sports scribes, all assigned to the same beat.

Today, I’m on a cool site called The Wondering Brain, to explore a topic I’d been reluctant to address on my own pages: Religion. Don’t worry, I don’t get all preachy. I tell tales that might embarrass my children and family as a whole.

Continue reading “On the Road Again: This Time, at the Wondering Brain”

Do I Throw Like a Girl? I Can Only Hope.

 

star wars stormtrooper

Madison found the T-shirt in Target, which twisted up a familiar put-down and tossed it back in boys’ faces.

“Yeah, I kick like a girl,” it admitted. “Jealous?” You ought to be, boys. I get it. A man will call his boy “son,” name him after himself, or even pass on a II, III or IV. He’s your heir. He’s your pee-in-the-snow partner. He’s your buckaroo; a chip off the old block, even.

Little You.

He might also become mama’s boy, a lover-not-a-fighter, or, heaven forbid, a Thomas the Tank Engine fan. A man will call his girl many things, but likely, the family name will get wiped out.

Continue reading “Do I Throw Like a Girl? I Can Only Hope.”