🛣️ On the Road Again: This Time, at Tamara (Like) Camera

photo credit: pix.plz via photopin cc
photo credit: pix.plz via photopin cc

Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

A fishmonger, an obituary writer, and a Walmart cashier walk into a bar … In this case, they’re the same person. As in, the same person has held down all three of those lousy jobs. All three, in this case, are me.

Makes a sucky joke, huh? But a decent guest post, I hope.

Today, I’m moving on up like George and Weezie. Tamara Bowman asked me to hold down the mansion. She’s off being a Disney princess. You’ll read about her adventure, soon. Today, I’m at Tamara (Like) Camera to divulge the worst jobs I’ve ever had.

Continue reading “🛣️ On the Road Again: This Time, at Tamara (Like) Camera”

Go Ask Dada, ‘Cause Mama Doesn’t Know Squat, or Vice Versa.

Tamara Like Camera here, happily filling in for Eli during his vacation. I remember when I first came to this blog, a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away, and I worried that I would be laughed right out of here, due to my lack of knowledge (of any sort) of futebol or fatherhood. I do, however, have the market cornered on food. And Stormtroopers, for that matter. It only took one Stormtrooper photo to make me a regular reader. Also, he never laughs at me here. And so back I come, each post, learning more and more about the world through Eli’s features and his “Go Ask Daddy” posts. Now my daughter is younger than his three daughters, but she certainly has asked some interesting questions over the last week. Now let’s see what I can do with them, shall we?

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I think I remember one of the first times it happened. Scarlet and I were walking back home after our long walk to the mailbox, while (then) baby Des was sleeping, and she asked me: “Mama, what makes wind blow?” Barely looking up from my latest edition of Us Weekly, I replied, “Oh, I don’t freakin’ know.” And then we both giggled and giggled all the way home, where I made a mental note to at least look up the answer for her so she wouldn’t think I was a total deadbeat. I was not proud. Of any of it – the terrible answer OR the reading of Us Weekly while walking with my daughter through a beautiful nature path.

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Instead of consulting Wikipedia like maybe I should have, I sent her question to my husband to see what he would have said in my place. Here was his answer: “Hot air and cold air move differently. Ever notice it’s hotter upstairs? That’s because hot air likes to move up. Wind is caused by the same thing. Hot air moves up and cold air rushes to where the hot air used to be.”

Are you ever really prepared for the peppering of questions you’ll have to answer after your kids get old enough to have storable memories? I wasn’t prepared. To credit myself, I was an excellent student in school and I actually do know many things. I’m just not great at explaining them, especially in the moment. I freeze up, although her adorable face is much kinder than my childhood teachers’ faces looked when the same thing happened. I know what words mean and how weather works, but only in my mind as this big, cloudy mass of feelings and memories. How to explain that to a five-year-old? How to explain it to myself?

Sometimes I just need a little help in the matter. Sometimes we all need a little help.

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Although there are some questions that need not be researched, or even answered twice! They don’t require too much thought:

Scarlet: “What’s a bong?”
Dada: “It’s just another kitchen utensil.”
Mama: “It’s like a drum! A bongo drum.”

End of story with that one. Until she’s at least 18. Or 33.

And sometimes, especially in a Star Wars loving family, you may find yourself in the middle of a conversation such as this:

Scarlet: “Why are there only three Star Warers?” (not a typo)

Dada: “Well, they only made three but there are more being made right NOW!”

Mama: (whispering to only Dada) “So you’re not going to tell her about Episodes I, II and III?”

Dada: “Not until she’s 18.” (or 33)

Strong Star Wars opinions aside, I have compiled a small list of her weekly questions. There are certain questions that my husband can answer and I cannot, without looking to Google. And there some questions I can answer and my husband cannot, without looking blankly in my direction and asking for help. I decided to submit the questions to my husband that I had already answered to see how his answers measured up against mine! So now you can see if/how we are either screwing up our daughter, or making her even more well rounded. (I like to believe the second)

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1.

Scarlet: “Why is there ice?”
Mama: “What? So that we finally have a good use for our Han Solo in Carbonite ice cube makers. Obvs.”
Scarlet: “Obvs.”
Dada: “Because when you freeze water, that’s what forms. But you can also freeze water and turn it to snow.”

2.

Scarlet: “What was your favorite thing to do when you were a kid?”
Mama: “Books, books, and more books. I’d also climb trees, and read books. And I liked to eat, while reading books.”
Dada: “I used to love finding a really good stick and playing by a stream near my house.”

3.

Scarlet: “What is Yoda?”
Mama: “A Jedi Master, he is. And a cool guy who lives in our basement right now.”

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(Photographic proof)

Dada: “Just Yoda.”
Scarlet: “What IS he?”
Dada: “A Jedi Master?”
Scarlet: “What’s a Jedi Master?”
Dada: “A good guy who has gotten so good at The Force that they can now teach it to other people.”
Scarlet: “Does Darth Fader (not a typo) think the Emperor is a bad guy?”
Dada: “He does, but right now he’s still a bad guy. He likes to hang out with other bad guys.”
Scarlet: “It doesn’t make sense because you said that Darth Fader found out that the Emperor was a real bad guy and so that doesn’t really make sense..”
Scarlet: (a minute later)…”Ok now it does. Now I know how it can.” (she never enlightened us!)
Scarlet: “Why are they called Imperial Walkers?”
Dada: “Because they’re made by Imperials and they are big, walking things.”

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4.

Scarlet: “Why didn’t Fiona come to my birthday party?”
Dada: “Who’s Fiona?”
Mama: “She was on vacation.” (in my head, I said this:) “I didn’t invite her. Between the bounce house, the cotton candy machine, and the face painter, we had at some point to cut down the list. So sorry, Scarlet, the list could not include the girl that never invited you to her parties, the boy who pushed you down at school, and the adorable Fiona – who I don’t even know.”

5.

Scarlet: “What do you actually do when you’re at work?”
Mama: “I pose people and take their photos. Or I don’t pose people and take their photos. That’s even better. Then I put the photos into my computer from my camera, and I sharpen them and add contrast. All while you’re sleeping, the cat is laying across my keyboard, and the other cat is farting in my lap. I also write stuff for money.”
Dada: “I spend a lot of time emailing and talking to people.”

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*Bonus Question!

Scarlet: “Why do they never pee or poop in Sofia the First?”
Mama: “There are too many other fun things to do!”
Dada: “They do, but a Poop Griffin steals it all.”

**Bonus Question #2!

Scarlet: (while watching Lady and the Tramp) “Can we get a dog like that (Lady) when Athena dies?”
Dada: “…..”
Mama: “…..”

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The bottom line and a special note. These answers are not meant to treat, diagnose or cure anything. This post is mostly in good, old-fashioned fun. We give her well-informed answers the best way we know how. Answer what you know, from your heart. We all know what we love. For everything else, look it up from a reputable source!

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Tamara is a professional photographer at Tamara Camera Photography, a mama of two, a writer/blogger at Tamara (Like) Camera and a nearly professional cookie taster. She has been known to be all four of those things at all hours of the day and night. She is a very proud contributor to the book, The Mother Of All Meltdowns. After two cross country moves, due to her intense Bi-Coastal Disorder, she lives with her husband, daughter, son and rescue pets in glorious western Massachusetts. She spends her spare time looking for moose, taking pictures of her kids, and maybe – just maybe – teaching them about photography. Her five-year-old took this headshot (below) when she was only four. She can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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