🍹 Go Ask Daddy about sweet cocktails, sabbath debates, and being okey-doke with word choices

stormtrooper mermaid 2018 antiques asheville
Stormtroopers, mermaids, and easy answers for Go Ask Daddy. All mythical creatures?

Sometimes, interesting parallels emerge in Go Ask Daddy questions.

They’re chosen at random. From a list of about 200. When the first two contained the words “alcoholic drink” and “crack cocaine,” I began to question the universe. Namely, what is intends for me. Then, more pressing … did my girls ask these questions, really?

They did!

Every week, I try to pick out five questions the girls asked (over years and years) to answer in this space right here. To continue the controversy, the Dallas Cowboys appeared on this list, too. And a doozy of a fifth question. Check it out.

food red sweet raw
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. What’s the alcoholic drink with the cherry?

I’m hoping we’re talking about the Shirley Temple here.

But let’s be honest: The pandemic has me spending a tad more impossible income on spirits. I was disappointed the ABC store sold me a bottle of rum and tequila but didn’t serve them to me in paper sacks.

The Cherry Bomb looks yummy and counts as a fruit or vegetable serving.

But it has cachaça, which isn’t on my Walmart pickup list. The Cherry Bourbon Smash sounds like it should have a holiday named after it. I learned a lot reading about this Easy Cherry Lemonade – and it just made me thirsty.

Just found out there’s also something known as a Dirty Shirley.

woman holding a blunt
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com

2. Is crack and crack cocaine the same?

Hayden has extensive knowledge of drugs, thanks to a high school course. She rattles off facts about cannabis, ecstasy, and hallucinogens the way I did about Ankylosaurus, Stegosaurus, Triceratops back in the day.

Cocaine comes in both powder and rock, kind of like there’s a Triceratops and a Zuniceratops which look similar.

They call it cocaine or coke when it’s a powder, and crack or crack cocaine as the rock. I looked up how it’s made, and I won’t go into it in detail, but it sounds a little like how you make rock candy. Which is kinda messed up.

They call it crack because it crackles when it’s cooked.

It’s pretty highly concentrated, so it’s possible to get addicted with just one dose. If you or someone you know might have questions about addiction, they can call the American Addiction Centers at 888-969-0144.

temple photo
Photo by Alexander Mils on Pexels.com

3. Why are they in church on Saturday?

Maybe they lost track of what day it is like I have.

More likely, they’re Seventh Day Adventists. They consider Saturday the sabbath, not Sunday. While some Christians go to church on Sunday, others consider it a true day of rest – like, you can even sleep in on Sunday mornings. I like that.

It’s like those calendars that sometimes start on Sunday, sometimes start on Monday.

Some Jewish folks have services on Saturday, too. Some Christians say they should church on Sunday because that’s the day of the week of Jesus’ resurrection. I was just a boy then, so I’m not positive.

In 321, Roman Emperor Constantine said everyone should rest on Sunday, which is why that’s the one day of the week I won’t clock in for anyone.

4. Who was the guy who jumped into the Salvation Army bucket?

It wasn’t Constantine (because it was on a Sunday.)

That distinction goes to Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott. He hopped into an oversized Salvation Army kettle at AT&T Stadium after a rushing touchdown against Tampa Bay. What a donation

I’ve written negatively about Elliott on this very blog, but I also don’t believe in condemning anyone for life because of something they did or allegedly did.

Elliott has a childlike view of the game that I totally appreciate. He leaped into the kettle and it gave the Salvation Army a good bit of playtime. He wasn’t fined for this, and I agree with that. Donations spiked after his leap, and Zeke made a donation of his own.

The Salvation Army said it got $850,000 in online donations after that – which would buy 91,000 meals for those in need. 

woman doing thumbs up gesture
Photo by Anastasiya Gepp on Pexels.com

5. Why does ‘fine’ sometimes mean something great, like fine dining, and sometimes just so-so-, like, ‘you did fine’?

One thing I’ve learned as a man is that ‘fine’ has a ton of meanings and connotations. You mentioned fine dining – that’s elegant. Think white tablecloths and prices in tiny print on a menu. ‘You did fine’ is the other end of the spectrum – like, meh. 

If you say “that girl’s fiiiine,” it means something – and when you do it in front of your significant other, and aren’t talking about her, you might be told that everything is ‘fine.’

I’d rather just PAY a fine for my mistake. It’s a fine line between just appreciating the human form in the form of your friendly neighborhood restaurant server, and committing a major infraction of … appreciating the wrong human form.

And that’s fine with me. 

-30-

Wooden quote fine
 

👖 Go Ask Daddy about pants, word noises, and tropical storms

IMG-2270

School. Remember it?

Feels like a far-off memory. And I’m not even talking about me. I’m the one who graduated during the Pliocene Era. I’m talking about our kids. They got out of school, then went on spring break (at home), and then learned they won’t be back until fall.

No more pencils, no more books …

Thing is, when you’re Coach Daddy, the learning don’t never quit. The questions keep rolling in. Most of these were from the past, picked from a list of about 200 at random. The most recent: the one about fried ice cream.

Continue reading “👖 Go Ask Daddy about pants, word noises, and tropical storms”

🎳 #AtoZChallenge: X is for 10 (my favorite players to wear that number)

img_2452

Moment of honesty here.

X2020I got sick of the normal X words. As if X words are normal. I’m sure somewhere someone is writing about xylophone adventures and xenophobia. More power to ya.

I say, let’s go with 10.

You know, the roman numeral for 10, X. Quick story here: I was a no-soccer-experience soccer coach at first. I made my own formations and positions, such as junker. (It was like a sweeping fullback, full of badass.)

Continue reading “🎳 #AtoZChallenge: X is for 10 (my favorite players to wear that number)”

#AtoZChallenge: 🧲 V is for the various roles I play

img_2463

I considered making a business card for myself.

V2020You know, one that would have all the stuff I do. So I typed it all out. And it turns out, I’d have to reduce the font size to 0.0003 points, or expand the card to 37 cubic yards.

We have roles, y’all.

But there’s got to be one that stands out. That defines you, as much as you want a role to define you. At least, be the color you color with. A writing prompt in that book 300 Writing Prompts takes on this issue. And with help from my flying friend, Jeffrey, I took it on. (He doesn’t have wings, but he did sit next to me on the plane.)

Continue reading “#AtoZChallenge: 🧲 V is for the various roles I play”

🎡 #AtoZChallenge: O is for observing, opportunities, and optimism (#GratitudeAndShit)

stormtrooper owl
Wisdom and stuff.

I’m still ruing my failure to read as much as I’d like to right now.

O2020I’m grateful that I’ve been able to listen more. I’m discovering what people I care about want. For birthdays. For life. My girls said they wanted to watch a sunrise.

I implored them to get up early and I’d drive them east to see it.

They refused. (They stayed up all night instead.) We did as planned, and I got lost, but kept driving toward the sun. We wound up pulled off the road at a farm, conversing with cows and awaiting el sol.

Continue reading “🎡 #AtoZChallenge: O is for observing, opportunities, and optimism (#GratitudeAndShit)”

🖕 #AtoZChallenge: M is for middle finger, mercy rules, and mating (Go Ask Daddy)

stormtrooper antique store

So, there’s a story I want to tell and I don’t care if you judge.

M2020One of my kids made a gesture at the TV yesterday that told a story. We’ve navigated this lockdown like good astronauts (minus zero gravity and Tang.) But as my girls worked on a puzzle during a Hulu session of Malcolm in the Middle, an ad came on and triggered her.

Social distancing doesn’t have to mean we have to be distant socially, the sugary-voiced lady was saying to promote something I can’t even remember.

Instinctively, a middle finger arose. She didn’t even look up from the puzzle. I said nothing. I get it. Social listening data tells us that people love ads like this. They want to know corporate America is in it with us. That they’re doing their part.

Continue reading “🖕 #AtoZChallenge: M is for middle finger, mercy rules, and mating (Go Ask Daddy)”

✊🏻 #AtoZChallenge: H is for haiku (my quarantine journal)

stormtrooper mindcraft
At first, I titled this photo “stormtrooper fortnite.” Yeah. It’s 1:05 a.m. and I’m 48 years old.

What a month this week has been.

H2020The pessimist in me wonders what not wearing jeans for four weeks has done to me physically. The optimist in me feels as if this quarantine has at least kept the Colorado Rockies from the dredge of the NL West for now.

The artist in me has documented, for better or worse, my thoughts each day in the pandemic – as daily haikus.

Some are flippant, some sad, some confused. Like any other March that I could have done this, but only this March is historically significant. Not just because there was no Final Four, but because when has the entire world ever has so much in common?

I just started hacking away, inspired each day by Twitter or TV news (I’ve cut way back) or just what was going on that day.

Let me know how the quarantine has been for you, and which of these, if any, resonated with you. A college today said she can’t just go day to day anymore, and I get that. So I’m hoping to get to the ballpark soon and the beach even sooner.

Just as soon as we get the all-clear.

COVID haiku journal

March 18

Overreacting?
I’m honestly not too sure.
I’ll just stay in place.

house
EJP

 

March 19

My people, our house
Not a big house, but enough
I can’t hear anyone

March 20

The big Pop Tart box
Seems like the best choice right now
One tart at a time

March 21

No solicitors
No Jehovah’s Witnesses
Was that Amazon?

March 22

Don’t you miss hugging?
I know it has just started.
Just looking ahead.

March 23

Lots of people out
When I pick up our groceries
Am I a chump too?

March 24

Finding time to write
Should not be so difficult
Work days are so long

March 25

My back feels so sore
My ass is getting flattened
Always pajamas

stormtrooper toilet paper sunday apr 5 photo opp silverwood

March 26

Four rolls left in here
TP is greater than gold
We are middle class

March 27

I’ve lost track of days
And how long since I’ve worn pants?
At least we have cheese.

March 28

Out of cat litter
The shit might hit the fan now
Is this our world now?

March 29

Uncle Frank is ill
His test comes back in 3 days
Favorite uncle

March 30

Grocery order?
It’s canceled after 5 days
Instacart on strike

March 31

Totino’s pizza
Three of them to sustain me
For three days at least

April 1

It’s April Fools Day
I wish someone would play tricks
We could use the laugh

April 2

It’s my dad’s birthday
He would have been 68
I miss him so much!

April 3

Social distancing
Not happening in the parks
Bunch of dumb asses.

April 4

Was yesterday harsh?
My bad. I should be more kind.
Cover your damn mouth

April 5

Steaks on my new grill
Make happiness if you can
Steak is a good way.

April 6

Pray for my uncle
He’s fighting this thing so strong
Grant him all my strength

stormtrooper rey bojangles (2)April 7

Girls want fried chicken
Who am I to argue that?
Food is everything

April 8

Uncle Frank update
He had a good day Tuesday
Let’s keep on praying

April 9

When this is over
Oh, how we will celebrate
Hug and kiss for days!

-30-

#AtoZChallenge

A is for Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, Adam and Avril, and Amidala

B is for Bonnie Marie Williams, voiceover superhero, a #GirlsRock interview

C is for Conversations, Camdyn and cookies (#GratitudeAndShit) 

D is for Dorsey Standish, yoga teacher and mindfulness coach, for #GirlsRock

E is for End-of-your-career awards

F is for Frank, my uncle

G is for 💇🏽‍♂️ Go Ask Daddy about what you GET to keep on Flea Market Flip, if I’m GOING to sit in a racecar next time I get my hair cut, and how high basketball scores GO

-3

nordicmoxie quote quarantine

 

💇🏽‍♂️ #AtoZChallenge: G is for Go Ask Daddy about what you GET to keep on Flea Market Flip, if I’m GOING to sit in a racecar next time I get my hair cut, and how high basketball scores GO

stormtrooper easter bunny apr 6 season silverwood
It’s okay. Peter Cottontail and the stormtrooper have been quarantined together.

The universe aligned and put G right on a Wednesday.

G2020I’m sure Buddha or Jesus wasn’t thinking of my blog when they invented April. Or the #AtoZChallenge. No, it was just a cosmic coincidence. I could technically write about any letters, having satisfied the whole G thing with the Go Ask Daddy part.

But I won’t.

For new folk: Go Ask Daddy is a post I use to answer my girls’ questions. I’ve tried to document every question I’ve been asked since I became a dad way back in 1997. I’ve missed a few, and the document has changed technologies and decades since.

Continue reading “💇🏽‍♂️ #AtoZChallenge: G is for Go Ask Daddy about what you GET to keep on Flea Market Flip, if I’m GOING to sit in a racecar next time I get my hair cut, and how high basketball scores GO”

🔚 #AtoZChallenge: E is for End-of-your-career awards

stormtrooper toilet paper sunday apr 5 photo opp silverwoodI have several entries stuck in a worn edition of 300 Writing Prompts that I will share during the #AtoZChallenge.

E2020The one is in response to the prompt: It is the end of your career and you are up on stage being presented with a major award. What award is it, and what have you won it for? Global pandemics tend to shed a different light on such topics.

But I wrote this response long before the COVID took hold.

I think it’s good to reflect on such things. My day will someday come. The thought now is, what will I do between then and now? Plenty. And some of nothing. And a lot that can’t be classified as either.

Continue reading “🔚 #AtoZChallenge: E is for End-of-your-career awards”

#AtoZChallenge: C is for conversations, Camdyn and cookies (#GratitudeAndShit) 🍪

stormtrooper light sept opp long beach
Turns out, I love L.A. Just not the dodgers or lakers.

I wonder how many people will go with COVID as their C word.

C2020Or, coronavirus. It’s difficult for me to, even if I wanted to. Friday is my #GratitudeAndShit day, and pandemic viruses don’t make the cut. I am grateful, however, to have this new reality upon me. It’s not been easy, but there have been some pluses on small scales.

It’s exhausting to read post after post about how to work efficiently from home. 

I haven’t found that. There are small gains. There’s stuff like birds on my bird feeder and tortilla chips in my pantry to serve enough distraction to get me off track. But I’m eating less fried food and takeout, more conscious that I’d better watch my intake.

I’m not getting in those steps at Target and hustling to the bus stop these days. Continue reading “#AtoZChallenge: C is for conversations, Camdyn and cookies (#GratitudeAndShit) 🍪”