We had to deal with that plenty on Wednesday. What if the U.S. men’s soccer team loses to Germany? What if Ghana win by five? What if someone fouls Cristiano Ronaldo’s hair? Is that worthy of a yellow card? What if I forget to wear red, white and blue on game day?
What if I had a TV screen the size of Uganda, maybe, and a barbecue chicken thigh and a fistful of hummus and a tall cup of Diet Coke during that World Cup match?
Well, that sounds kind of excellent, doesn’t it? And for 70 minutes of the match, it was. About 80 of us rooted for the same team and hated the Germans for a day together, some of us in Team USA soccer shirts and one guy with Old Glory draped over his shoulders.
When the kids get ahold of your smartphone, only Jesus knows what can happen.
You might end up with a phone dropped on the floor at Home Depot (the phone’s OK.) You might get game apps that depict plumbers’ cracks. Most likely, you’ll wind up with 1700 selfies. Kids love selfies.
This generation is the first to point their cameras at themselves more than … well, anything else.
Look at your phone real quick – how many kid-inflicted selfies do you have?
I knew a man who named his first kid after a movie mermaid. No one you know.
My daughters experienced their own Mermaid Stage. Creative leg wrappings and feet bound together at the heel mark the age. Water games center around my quick-footed kids transforming instantly into half girl, half fish, when they come in contact with the water.
They’re only to become human again at sundown. I think.
Or is it sunset? In mermaid movies – Aquamarine, The Little Mermaid, Splash – mermaids scramble at sunset or sunrise. Forgive my ignorance. I had a Dinosaur Stage, a Stormtrooper Stage, even a Future NFL Quarterback Stage.
None of those changed depending on the sun.
So, Daryl Hannah? Ariel? The angelic mermaid with dirty blond curls who rescued me when I fell into Frank’s Fishing Pond in Colorado as a teenager? (OK, so I made that up.) You’re out.