Go Ask Daddy About Rec Specs, Jet Noise and the Bottomless Pit


photo credit: Abracadabra! via photopin (license)
photo credit: Abracadabra! via photopin (license)

Tessa at Nothing Was Said, a new blog to me, nominated me for the Leibster award.

GAD GRAPHICYou guys know the drill.

I’m going to give quick-hit answers to the questions, but not nominate anyone for it. Taxes and all. It’s nice to be nominated for stuff like this, though.

And after you check out what the girls have asked for this week, you should check out her blog, Nothing Was Said. It’s new and smart and intriguing.

Who is your favourite band/artist and why?

Norah Jones. No matter the mood or the day, Norah comes on my Pandora and makes it all right.

EJP
EJP

Who is your biggest inspiration?

My girls are tied for first. They amaze me with what’s possible in 17,000 ways.

What is your favourite food?

Pizza. Even if you’re in a country that spells favorite “favourite.”

Where do you want to travel to most in the world?

To Spring Training. I want to spend two weeks in a Hampton Inn watching afternoon baseball daily.

If you were the creator of your own planet, what would it be called and what would it look like?

Eos. Because planets are coolest when they’re named after Greek goddesses, right?

Are you more like your mother or your father?

Probably dad. He probably loved Linda Ronstandt the same as I do Cher Lloyd.

5 yearsWhat do you see yourself doing in five years’ time?

Still posting three times a week and watching two of my girls playing college soccer.

At school, were you/are you a rebel or a teacher’s pet?

I was a rebel, if by rebel you mean one who skipped class and skimped on homework.

Who is your favorite author and why?

Ernest Hemingway.  He was both concise and colorful all at once.

What is your least favourite animal?

When it’s time to clean the litter box, nothing is more despicable than a cat.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Don’t rush, but don’t waste time. Think, but also feel. Plan, but stay flexible.

must stay flexible when it comes to what the girls ask …

1. Are glasses you wear in soccer made of plastic?

photo credit: DSC05536 via photopin (license)
photo credit: DSC05536 via photopin (license)

Eventually, they are.

So I had this friend in school, Teddy Young. Teddy played all the sports. Teddy was like your dad – maybe not the next Dr. J or Barry Sanders, but dang, the kid busted his ass. More than I did. Teddy wore glasses. Teddy was also heady.

That’s not a good combination, unless you’re in the optical business.

Teddy broke probably 17 pairs of eyeglasses before Mrs. Young did something about it.

She put Teddy Young in the ugliest flexible plastic sports goggles. They were two-tone brown, and looked like a Mr. Potato Head accessory. The damned things didn’t break, under a football helmet, on the court, not even in science class.

Teddy Young wore these spectacles everywhere.

They were rec specs. And if you ever needed to wear glasses, I’d insist on them.

2. Who is No. 42 in NASCAR?

I don’t know … let me get my glasses on.

Kyle Larson, a Japanese American racecar driver, is in his second season in the No. 42 Target Chevy. He replaced Juan Pablo Montoya, a dude I’ve been mistaken for. Larson is the 47th driver of the No. 42 car.

Lee Petty (414), Kyle Petty (286) and Montoya (252) have driven the most races in the car. Know who else has driven it? Dudes with names such as Lennie Waldo, Bunkie Blackburn and Elmo Langley have also turned left a bunch of times in the No. 42 car.

3. Is it noisy or quiet on a plane?

EJP
EJP

It depends on where you sit, and whether drinks are served.

On the way to Cancun, I got in the top of a double-decker jet. It was like living in a neighborhood where people slap “Life Is Good” stickers on their Volvos. Safe, comfortable, serene. Luxurious, I’d venture.

I had plenty of leg room, a shelf for all my crap, and a sweet flight attendant who gave me a Coke and orange juice when my blood sugar tanked on takeoff. I was as pampered as Suri Cruse at a half-birthday party.

On the way back, in the same sort of plane, it was a different story. It was noisy – like a radio station stuck between signals. It was cold, dank. The windows were smaller. It felt like the knave of a ship bound for Hell – or maybe Lincoln, nebraska.

I was as neglected as Piper being transferred to a new prison on that episode of Orange is the New Black.

4. Can you become unallergic to something?

photo credit: Old Barn Cat via photopin (license)
photo credit: Old Barn Cat via photopin (license)

Quite possibly.

I’m less allergic to the Baltimore Ravens these days. That it’s been years since Joe Flacco’s bullshit toss to Torrey Smith sunk my Denver Broncos in the playoffs. Plus, there are other teams to hate more recently than that (the Patriots, Seahawks and Colts come to mind).

I’d heard allergies come in seven-year periods. Or is that down periods in Denver Broncos football? I forget. But when I was a kid, just an afternoon with my Uncle Frank’s cats (Bogie and Becall), my eyes were red like a co-ed after a bender and my throat felt like a slip-and-slide made of sandpaper.

These days, I don’t get too jerky about cat hair. I just get angry at cats.

It’s more likely a person will outgrow a milk allergy than a peanut allergy. According to a podcast on everydayhealth.com, only about 10-15% of people will outgrow a peanut allergy, compared to 85% who will not always be allergic to milk.

Environmental allergies seem to be yours for life if you have them. Dammit.

5. Is there such a thing as a bottomless pit?

photo credit: Old Barn Cat via photopin (license)
photo credit: Old Barn Cat via photopin (license)

Why, were you counting my pizza slices?

My mom called me that on Taco Night, too. (Incidentally, we didn’t have a fruity designated Taco Tuesday or anything, like white people do. We just ate tacos, any night of the week, and plenty of them. Plenty. I could eat 12 tacos at age 12. At age 43, I’m pretty much two and done. Okay. Three.)

A true bottomless pit would involve 7400 miles. Factor in all the pressure and temperature gradients of traveling in a hole that transverses the earth, plus the molten outer core and radioactive inner core made of nickel, iron and cobalt at a cozy 4000 degrees, and a bottomless pit is no adventure.

With the earth’s rotation and orbit around the sun, you wouldn’t make it far down the whole before you crash into the side of it. And that’s a tough hit to take. Even in rec specs.

We’d better stick with taco night.

taco quote

 

 

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30 thoughts on “Go Ask Daddy About Rec Specs, Jet Noise and the Bottomless Pit”

  1. Love the quote at the end Mate, substitute pizza for taco and I’m in. I may have been a bottomless pit growing up, they couldn’t fill me up until I was 15. I didn’t eat solid food until I was 5, just milk, from cows, living next to a leaking nuclear reactor. Sadly I’m allergic to strawberries and prolonged hard work. I do like the photo of you and the one of the girls. You look extremely classy mate.

    1. I’d want to sub out for pizza now and then too, mate. I think that’s the plight of the growing boy – trouble is, we stop growing, vertically, at least.

      Your nuclear milk gave you the superpowers you have today, Fratello. Glad you liked the photos, mate. I love that one of the girls, especially. The candid moment between prepped-up shots. As for me – my girls weren’t at all crazy about that look that night, mate. And it was Christmas.

      1. You’re right there Mate, onwards, upwards then outwards. Although I’ve lost 35 lbs in the last 6 months. I would have settled for Spiderman powers, hmm imagine what would have happened if I got cow superpowers. I’d be able to talk even more BULL. You look comfortable in that picture and warm. Was it the cap they didn’t like?

    1. Mom used to make both corn and flour tortillas, too. It was fun to answer the questions, and I’m glad Tessa’s a new reader. She has a good blog if you haven’t checked it out yet. A real thinker, that one.

  2. What about a pizza *and* taco night?

    Yeah, that sounds like a good evening. 🙂
    (us pregnant ladies can be bottomless pits, too!)

  3. Juan Pablo Montoya? That’s it! I knew you looked like someone in the racing industry! Mystery solved 😀

  4. love this and my fav is pasta with pretty much anything on it, pizza and taco bell is a fetish for me. get those plastic safety glasses on asap and see what else you’ve been missing )

  5. We have flown Space-A to Hawaii on the KC135 (the refueling plane) – it is VERY loud and cold!! But it’s free:)
    A good friend of mine has a son who is about 20 and after being allergic to nuts his whole life is no longer allergic.

  6. What would you tell your younger self would make for a whole post of its own. There are people who publish #DearMe videos on YouTube.
    Interesting how you had two totally different experiences on your flights to and from Mexico.

  7. Pizza..from breakfast to dinner. Doesn’t matter where on the plane. Love flying.The more turbulence the better. The antithesis of life.

    1. Ever had breakfast pizza, with cheese, eggs, meat and gravy for sauce? Heavenly. I’d eat it any time of day. And then stuffed meat-lovers pizza for lunch.

      Don’t worry, it’s hardly any calories.

  8. lol- the question about cats is priceless! You should hear me when I have to ask the kids to clean the boxes. Interesting little bit on the allergies too! While Spring brings about all these pretty flowers and colors, it brings about my stuffy head, water eyes and itchy nose making for a little bit of cranky mom.

    1. We’ve had plenty of examples of deviant cat behavior to pull from, Kisma. Litter-box duty is what I’d get if I went to Hell.

      I’m just waiting for the pollen cloud to hit me. Won’t be long now!

  9. I agree about cats. I currently have a cat hair in my eye too. Bleck.
    Also, I’m not sure if this is the same but my friend just took her mother to spring training in Florida for a few days. It was on her mother’s bucket list and that’s what she got for her 65th birthday. I’d call that a success, even if the team isn’t my favorite. (or even in my top 100)
    I’ve never heard of a double decker jet. I don’t get out much! Definitely not to Lincoln.

    1. Cat hair in your anything (oatmeal, eyeball, mouth, work bag),

      That is the same. Spring Training means afternoon preseason baseball games with cheaper ticket prices in smaller stadiums all over central Florida.

      Was it for the Red Sox, perhaps?

      I’ve never been to lincoln, and I don’t like the music. And I fly only for work.

  10. and now I want tacos. there’s like no real, authentic Mexican food places up here though. it’s a travesty really. Maybe this place called the Lone Star — but I am not too sure. maybe after a couple of their bottomless margarita’s 😉
    I was allergic to strawberries when I was a child… but I eat them now with no problems. Well, as long as I don’t eat too many. But I don’t get a rash anymore. that was super fun way back when.

    1. I can say “I want tacos” at pretty much any point of my day, including the moments just after I’ve had tacos.

      I feel bad for those of you farther from North America when it comes to Mexican food. Tamara in Switzerland had an awful experience that involved spinach enchiladas. No bueno.

      We’re not going to ask you where your strawberry rash appeared, Rore. Just remember, moderation.

      1. LOL — nothing embarrassing… just on my tummy. how weird since it was something I ate, eh?
        Oh geez.. sorry for the flapping the Canadian flag there on your blog. 🙂

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