Go Ask Daddy About firewood, Kickass quarterbacks, and loooong shots

stormtrooper skateboard skater

We tell the kids stuff not to do all the time. Here’s 42.

GAD GRAPHIC

  1. Don’t eat cookies in bed. Share them on the couch with dad.
  2. Don’t leave the door open!
  3. Don’t leave the fridge open.
  4. Don’t drink daddy’s soda.
  5. Don’t drink daddy’s rum.
  6. Don’t play your saxophone after eating a KitKat.
  7. Don’t run in the street.
  8. Don’t pick the cat up by the tail.
  9. Don’t text in church.
  10. Don’t quote Macklemore songs in church.
  11. Don’t use your tablet after you’ve eaten a rack of ribs.
  12. Don’t yell, “don’t listen to coach!”
  13. Don’t wear sweatpants with words across the arse.
  14. Don’t wrestle by the fish tank.
  15. Don’t leave your soccer ball at the bottom of the stairs.
  16. Don’t use a throw pillow as a placemat.
  17. Don’t spit sunflower seeds in the living room.
  18. Don’t retaliate for a foul.
  19. Don’t leave bubble gum in your pockets.
  20. Don’t talk to the refs.
  21. Don’t pick your nose if the Kiss Cam is going.
  22. Don’t grab a catfish around the fins when you’re taking the fishhook out.
  23. Don’t use the same hand to eat Double-Stuft Oreos as you do for baiting your hook.
  24. Don’t change the station if Electric Light Orchestra is on.
  25. Don’t sneak pizza slices into your jacket pockets at CiCi’s.
  26. Don’t fall down in the shower the morning of game day.
  27. Don’t try to call time out in a soccer game.
  28. Don’t pop more than three M&Ms, or any candy, in your mouth at once. Savor them.
  29. Don’t root for the Seattle Seahawks, externally.
  30. Don’t let go of the Wii remote.
  31. Don’t pass up a chance to watch soccer on TV. Or in person.
  32. Don’t walk barefoot in a dog park.
  33. Don’t disparage your president, the pope or Kesha.
  34. Don’t put an egg in the skillet, and go upstairs to paint your nails.
  35. Don’t pay retail for banana chips.
  36. Don’t forget to stand up for your friends. And even those who aren’t your friends.
  37. Don’t sing or cry with your mouth full. In church, at least.
  38. Don’t skimp on the cheese.
  39. Don’t forget mother’s day.
  40. Don’t say anything bad about Samantha Ponder within earshot of daddy.
  41. Don’t drink dad’s rum when it’s in his Coke (Thanks for this, John).
  42. Don’t burn crepe myrtle.

Continue reading “Go Ask Daddy About firewood, Kickass quarterbacks, and loooong shots”

A to Z Challenge Theme Reveal: Unfinished Business

a to z reveal lead stormtrooper

Last night, I was late to kickoff.

theme reveal 2017Of no fault of my own, mind you. Our schedule set kickoff against the team we’d consider our biggest rivals – if we could beat them, that is. We set off to arrive at 5:15 for a 6 p.m. kickoff on the lush grounds of Gray Stone Day School.

Only, the game was to start at 4:30.

I let Gaby the reborn Pontiac Grand-Am take the country roads between us and them with patience and grace, not willing to imperil myself, my daughter or her teammate – or Gaby, really – because of a “miscommunication.” We’d get there in time.

Continue reading “A to Z Challenge Theme Reveal: Unfinished Business”

#GirlsRock: An Interview with Sports Wanderluster Alicia Barnhart

alicia lede

I don’t care for some of the stuff I find in press boxes.

cd-interviewsOthers, I love. Krispy Kreme donuts, for instance. Some places have those! I also love people I meet, like Stacey Dales and Jackie Servais and Alicia Barnhart. Stacey is my favorite NFL Network reporter (and a Coach Daddy reader.)

Jackie, a former volleyball star and an intern with the Carolina Panthers when we met, now works for the University of Mississippi.

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Blissful Ways to Conquer Clutter and Embrace Chaos

stormtrooper flowers
photo credit: DocChewbacca Ueno Park via photopin (license)

Our couch has endured sleeping, chocolate, pizza sauce, snow, mud, cats, kids, and more.

It’s more than one couch. Our couches have more incarnations than The Doctor. They endure everything short of locusts, by all accounts. The damn thing will stay until it collapses on itself like that house at the end of Poltergeist.

But, that’s how we do things.

We wear clothes until they fall off our shoulders. We squeeze every molecule of Polynesian dressing out of the tubs we procure from Chick-fil-A (they’re so friendly there, they don’t stop my girls from asking for 17 packets of sauce for a six-pack of nuggets.)

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Go Ask Daddy About Pizza Placement, Tropical Trappings and Straight Shooting About Strawberries

#GoAskDaddy
photo credit: M’sieur Sub ! Photo de famille via photopin (license)

We have this silly rule, the kids and me.

GAD GRAPHICIt’s instituted because, 100% of the time, winter, spring, summer or fall, at night and by day, from school, from training, from detention (no, they don’t actually get detention), the girls, each of them individually and together, enter my car and my day with two words:

“I’m hungry.”

If there’s something on the way home, we’ll stop. (As long as we haven’t slumped into overdraft yet.) Grace has begun a subliminal campaign (whispering QT, for QuikTrip and their slushies and donuts, when she gets in the car with me.)

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#GirlsRock: An Interview with Global Marketer Anna Pappas

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photo credit: DocChewbacca Ironing via photopin (license)

Today, I get to feature a fellow 49er.

cd-interviewsAnna Pappas and I both attended UNC Charlotte. Only one of us got to work with Spongebob Squarepants. (Hint: It’s not me. I’d have bragged about it until the starfish came home.) Anna has become a bit of a renaissance woman.

Anna is a consumer packaged good specialist, a global marketer, a foodie connoisseur and a travel and lifestyle enthusiast. Everywhere she’s been, she’s been the kind of innovator and team player we all want on our side.

Please give Anna a warm CD welcome. She’s the latest incredible woman to be featured in my #GirlsRock series. It focuses on women who do cool things. There are so many of you, and I appreciate you all hugely.

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Dad in the Kitchen: Brown & White Sugar Waffles (For People of All Colors)

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I love me some symbolism.

Like, red in the Colorado flag, to symbolize the state’s red soil. Or the Mandala, to stand for eternal harmony. Or even a blue star on the side of a silver helmet. This stands for a team allergic to playoff victories.

Symbolism isn’t lost on me in the kitchen, either.

Here’s the recipe for my Brown and White Sugar Waffles. They’re representative of my children, actually, part brown like dad, half white, like mom. In perfect harmony, ironed to light and crispy perfection, with a hint of vanilla.

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Go Ask Daddy About Genetics, Likenesses and the Bottom Rung of Fast Food Quality

GAD 3 10 lede stormtrooper blood
photo credit: Leoraul Prop Shot Lighting, Finn Stormtrooper Helmet via photopin (license)

Back in my day, there wasn’t such a thing as a spoiler.

GAD GRAPHICWell, unless you went to see The Cannonball Run before everyone else and could tell your friends how Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. place in the race. So that was me, age 9, in the middle of a Greeley, Colo., movie theater, with mind blown.

Before mind blown was even a thing.

I was watching The Empire Strikes Back – Episode V, for you dinkledorphs who insist upon that – when one of life my life-altering utterances occurred right there on the big screen. [It was hokier than I remember. See it here]. When Leia tells Han that Luke is her brother.

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Guest Post: April, of The Stories of Our Boys, on Baseball

baseball april
The gang’s ready for Spring Training. #LetsGoRockies

Now, that’s cute.

That was my first impression of the blog banner that used to reside on April’s page, The Stories of Our Boys. Not because of that sweet, smiling mom (well, kinda), but the fact that her kids sat in matching Washington Nationals gear? Idyllic.

See, it’s not that way among the Coach Daddy children.

One’s an Anaheim Angels fan, like my dad. The second likes the Boston Red Sox. Grace picked the Texas Rangers and got a ration of h*ll from me because they lost to my Colorado Rockies last night. They love to pick on my Rockies.

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Product Review: Marie Tries Out the jimmyCASE

jimmycase1
Photo by HMP

And then there was one.

Over the years here at Coach Daddy, two of my three daughters have written guest posts. Marie, middle child Marie, she of few words and fancy footwork, remained the lone holdout. Until today.

Marie is on the blog today to review a cool iPhone case.

She got to check out an iPhone 6s Card holder from jimmyCASE. Marie’s a girl who takes her phone seriously. She bought her own iPhone 6, with screen protectors. She’s the girl in the bunch that takes care of her stuff way better than dad ever did.

All those iPhone users out there – you really should check out the jimmyCASE.

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