📣 Go Ask Daddy About Noble Gases, Airplane Crashes and other Junk That Falls From the Sky

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What’s your motivation?

It runs all over the place with kid soccer players. Some play for glory. Some play to get to the halftime and post-game snacks. Sadly, some play because their parents make them. Or they use soccer training sessions as elevated child care.

Each kid, though, can find motivation.

A girl I coached once – we’ll call her Aspen – was the cutest kid on the Sting Rays. The Sting Rays were composed of a handful of hotshots from earlier unbeaten teams, kids with a drive and acumen and love for the game. Aspen came in after much of that glory, and just wanted to play.

She struggled to score, even in training.

“Aspen,” I asked one afternoon at practice. “What’s your favorite snack?”

I want you to pretend that if you strike this ball hard enough, that a thousand strawberries will fly out of it.

(Don’t you know food isn’t far from coach’s mind. Ever.)

“Strawberries!” Aspen answered after .032 seconds of thought.

“I want you to pretend that if you strike this ball hard enough,” I said, from one knee, holding the ball between us, “that a thousand strawberries will fly out of it.”

Aspen reared back and seared a shot – right past our top goalkeeper.

This is why I pretend there’s an elevated grilled cheese waiting after I send in my taxes.

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1. If you filled a soccer ball with helium, would it float?

When it talked, it would sound like Alvin the Chipmunk.

Sometimes, a pro’s incredible shot comes under fire from critics who’re convinced balls get doctored.

With Helium, you could bend it like Beckham and crush it like Carli. Sometimes, a pro’s incredible shot comes under fire from critics who’re convinced balls to get doctored. Helium is lighter than air, but stuffed into the rubber and leather casing of a soccer ball …

It won’t matter. Your Adidas Brazuca will thud to the earth as if it had oxygen in it.

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2. How many points is a dunk?

It’s two – just a noisy, crowd-pleasing two.

Or is it? A well-timed dunk can carry worth you can’t see on a scoreboard. Let’s say the Toronto Raptors lead the San Antonio Spurs 95-85. The Spurs’ Andre Miller hits a 3, then Matt Bonner blocks a shot, and Nanu Ginobli cans another 3. The fans rise to their feet.

After a shot-clock violation by crumbling Toronto, Kyle Anderson could tie it up with a fundamentally-sound layup. BUT … should LaMarcus Aldridge cut through the lane for a two-handed power dunk, well, we’re all knotted up at 95.

Yet, the momentum has shifted.

There’s a collective “oh shit!” moment, and you’ve nabbed a bit of their soul.

Points without points, I call them. It happens when a football team just misses a deep throw that could have gone for a touchdown. Or when one of you girls booms a shot that sails just over the crossbar.

There’s a collective “oh shit!” moment, and you’ve nabbed a bit of their soul.

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3. If your plane crashed in the water, would it be best to stay on top of the plane until it sinks?

Thoughts that percolate during our annual trip to the tropics … how’d you know, kid?

A plane crashing into the water won’t land lightly. It won’t be easy to get on top of the plane. The force of the crash will probably push it underwater. If it was bad weather, well, it’s going to be tough to stand on a wing anyway. Ocean water isn’t warm, either.

My best bet? Be near the exit door. I like to sit next to one because I think I can manage to not lose my shit in the event of an emergency. I’ll get on that life raft, too.

It doesn’t hurt to have a guy like Sully Sullenberger at the helm of your plane, either.

4. Is Charles Schultz still alive?

Charlie Brown and Snoopy, lead characters for Schultz’s strip, gained a following of 355 million worldwide.

Cartoonist Charles Schultz died the night before his final Peanuts cartoon was published, on Feb. 12, 2000. His final strip was a farewell.

Charlie Brown and Snoopy, lead characters for Schultz’s strip, gained a following of 355 million worldwide. He did this for nearly 50 years. Joe Cool, one of several of Snoopy’s alter ego, is a hero of mine.

I had the coolest bed sheets in the neighborhood at age 5: Snoopy playing football.

I’ll use my favorite Charles Schultz quote at the end of this post.

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5. When is the next meteor shower?

The Lyrid meteor shower runs April 16 to 25 – kind of like a county fair – but a coinciding full moon with blot out most of the fun.

The Eta Aquarids will fall May 4, but in the southern hemisphere. The Super Bowl of meteor showers, the Persieds, will rain down Aug. 11-14, when the Colorado Rockies will be entrenched in last place and you’ll be sick of Target’s incessant back-to-school ads.

This sucks, right?

It’s so worth it, though. Let’s plan on it. A blanket, snacks, and a good view. That’s enough motivation for me.

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Do you wonder if boys come from outer space, too? Send your questions to me for the occasional feature, Ask A Boy. bloggingeli@gmail.com

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