5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Ke$ha’s Drink, Parking Violations and Underwater Gun Play


 

photo credit: #228/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #228/366 via photopin (license)

It’s time for a changing of the guard.

The crown of Music Queen at Coach Daddy needs a new noggin on which to rest.

In the Music Queen Rule Book, Section XIX, paragraph 32, sentence 4, it clearly states:

Status as Coach Daddy’s Music Queen shall be relinquished in the event of:

  1. A drug-related arrest, especially involving bodily cavities
  2. Public (or private) appearance wearing dodgers gear
  3. Consumption of human urine.

Now, to those questions …

1. Is Ke$ha still your girl, even though she drank peepee?

MMVAs 2010-06-19 Kesha

See rules above.

Ke$ha, the edgy, pushy and a tad trashy pop star who claimed the crown because she’s academically brilliant, yet chooses to be edgy, pushy and a tad trashy, reportedly violated the rule on her reality show. It was the last straw.

Ke$ha is like gas-station nachos – you know you shouldn’t, but you do. It’s marvelous, in a not-so-good-for-you way. The girl scored nearly perfect on the SAT, and has an IQ of 140. With that logic, edgy, pushy and a tad trashy is commendable, because it’s a choice.

It seemed like sound logic back then. Maybe because I scored considerably lower on the SAT (990), and have never had an IQ test. Or maybe I just don’t remember.

Readers, will you help crown the next Coach Daddy Music Queen? Your candidates, after careful screening, appear below. Vote wisely.

2. What is a stress test?

 

photo credit: KABOOM! via photopin (license)
photo credit: KABOOM! via photopin (license)

Ask Ke$sha.

A stress test measures how a system functions when it’s subjected to certain amounts of hardships and pressures. It could be used to gauge a business’ ability to weather economic downturns, a person’s cardiovascular health when they’re placed on a treadmill, or how gross a pop princess can be before a blog dad takes back the crown.

I know, I know. This too shall pass.

3. If you park in a fire lane to drop someone off, would they get in trouble?

 

photo credit: KABOOM! via photopin (license)
photo credit: KABOOM! via photopin (license)

I realize questions 3 through 5 have much to do with the environment in which you live.

Because we constantly see people parked in the fire lane at Food Lion, don’t we? I know it’s hot. I know it’s, like, a couple of dozen steps from an air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned store. But I think some people mispronounce “Fire Lane” as “Hey, just park here – everyone else uses the parking lot, but you, you’re special. A fire truck probably isn’t going to need to visit this store anyway, right?

In North Carolina, even if you’re in the car, unless you’re unloading or loading. You could have your car towed. The day we see that happen is the day I buy you a pony.

4. Do sometimes people with dark skin automatically get blond hair?

 

black blond
photo credit: Aisha via photopin (license)

If by “automatically” you mean “leaving 40 volume peroxide in their hair for 45 minutes under a shower cap and the hot, hot sun,” then yes.

I can make fun of people who have dark skin and light hair because I was once one. As incentive for a team I coached that scored ONE goal the season before I took over, I told the girls that if any of them scored three goals in a game, I’d bleach my hair. I kept to my word, too. Just in the way I described above.

I didn’t have much fun as a blond. I nearly didn’t get a job I applied for (yes, this coincided with a career change, too.) And no one thought I was cute – unless you count the handful of men who noticed when it grew out almost completely, and looked like I had frosted tips.

Apparently, dad was pretty.

But no … what you see in the neighborhood? That’s not automatic.

5. Can you shoot a gun underwater?

photo credit: wooden toy gun via photopin (license)
photo credit: wooden toy gun via photopin (license)

Has it gotten that bad at the neighborhood pool already?

This is a good question for Myth Busters, but I’ll take a crack at it. A gunshot is a controlled explosion, and your garden-variety explosion has three essentials:

  • Fuel
  • Ignition source
  • Oxygen

To fire a gun, you need fuel (gunpowder), an ignition source (firing pin) and oxygen (in the gunpowder.) If the gunpowder stays dry, you can fire a gun underwater, or even on the moon, because the oxygen is in the gunpowder.

The bullet won’t go far, so it’s not a viable alternative to a fishing pole.

You could even, presumably, shoot bass underwater on Mercury. If you get real close.

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33 thoughts on “5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Ke$ha’s Drink, Parking Violations and Underwater Gun Play”

  1. Great Scott’s… Okay I have no idea what that saying even means but ummm drinking ones peepee leads me to think that those SAT results should be examined, maybe it was a mix up and another girl with a $ in her name should have gotten the credit. Unlikely, I know.
    Brooke nominates Sierra Hull or Norah Jones. I tried explaining to her that in general Sierra Hull is not very famous and plays a genera of music that has a select following but at last she insisted that Hull is above all others. As for Norah, we all love her but queen may be slightly a hi ranking. But that’s Brooke’s picks, she also nominated Alison Krauss.
    My personal stress test is explaining to my sister her finicky music choices are not agreed upon by everyone world round. Saw a cool video of hockey sticks being stress tested until they shatter.
    Love your Friday blogs! The Tuesday ones too..
    -Brooke’s Sister

    1. Your theory on Ke$ha’s score is completely reasonable and probably likely. Call me old-fashioned, but that was the last straw, for me.

      Sierra Hull is one mean mandolinist, isn’t she? I should have allowed a spot for write-in votes. Alison Krauss is also royalty-worthy, and maybe you’re right – let’s make the new selection a princess and let her work her way up.

      At what point does a hockey stick give?

      Glad you’re on board on both blogging days … I think we need to have you come guest-post here someday soon.

      1. I don’t think it’s old fashioned, if so I am willingly old fashioned!

        You are totally correct about Sierra. She can flat out pick!

        It takes a lot of pounds per square inch torque. What a great word ‘torque’ is. I can’t recall the number but it was insane, the vid used to be on the Bauer hockey site, haven’t been there in a while snoot sure if it’s still there.

        I’d do anything you asked, guest post or maybe a collaboration we could both post. Anything you want.

        Most importantly I will be here Tuesday, ready to read! And always wishing you and the girls the best.

  2. o.k., I admit, I voted for Norah Jones because I don’t know who the other two are. Not the best way to vote, I know. I AM, however, a fan of Norah Jones so that should count for something.

    1. do you know how many people probably vote for world leaders with less knowledge than you have for Music Queen? They’re also of a wide range of genres, and I wonder if Ke$ha would have at least appreciated the chance to get voted back in. After a healthy dose of mouthwash, of course.

      Norah Jones soothes my soul when she comes on my Pandora, so there’s that.

    1. I think we were watching a movie, and Grace came up with the question. I’m not positive all five of these random questions didn’t somehow all tie in together … it definitely felt like Go Ask Daddy: Thuggish Edition.

  3. She really drank her own pee? seriously? I would vote, but I have no idea who those people are.
    Yup. TOTALLY out of touch.
    I am trying to picture you with blonde tips… 😉

    1. Yeah, that’s the story. So, all those sassy lyrics, all that brilliance in the form of trashy girl rhyme, all down the toilet. Or down the hatch, in her case.

      Who would you add as a write in for Music Muse?

      Imagine man eye candy for the man. That was me. I was reluctantly pretty.

  4. I had no idea Kesha drank her own pee! I mean,…who does that?! I did see an episode of Extreme Cheapskates where some woman was drinking her own pee because she didn’t want to waste it by flushing. Oh, and an episode of My Strange Addictions where a lady did the same because she thought it was going to cure her of cancer. I tell you…some people are just WEIRD. And nasty.

    1. I know, it was kind of heartbreaking … she really was my Music Muse. I think you could probably start a reality show revolving mainly around urine drinking, unfortunately.

      I don’t even want to google it. Apparently, her yellow cocktail made her mama cry.

      Why? When rum and Coke zero is so yummy, the first time down.

  5. I don’t even know where to start here. Had no idea about Ke$ha because I don’t watch tv but apparently that is a good thing because I would not have wanted to see that. My husband once promised our daughter’s team that if they made it to the semi finals of the state cup they could shave his head – when it happened, the girls were ready to go right after the game. I’m glad he didn’t volunteer to bleach it!

    1. If you think this was a gruesome batch, wait until you see next Friday’s lineup. It’s not gruesome just … diverse and eventful.

      I heard the peepee-ade story on the radio. I’d rather drink Milwaukee’s Best.

      I’ve had a shaved head, too, because of wagers. What is it about a coach’s hair that inspires so?

  6. I’ve drunk some beer that I’m sure was passed through a cart horse before being bottled. As to one’s own I’m sure you would have to be desperate. Perhaps for a large monetary reward I’d try it but it would have to be in a small glass with an umbrella and a slice of lime. I have some couth and culture. Oh yeah just watched a vid on an AK47 being fired underwater, interesting.
    Laurie.

    1. Don’t they pay extra for horse-processed brew in some parts of the world? I think if I had to, I’d rather have my own brew than someone else’s. Now I wonder at what price you’d lift a glass.

      We’re spending a LOT of time on this subject, I realize. But I hope that you’ll ask for a salted rim on yours.

      Let’s talk about guns underwater. Or anything underwater.

      1. Ha Ha, Eli, yes it’s not a great subject, funny but not great. Definitely a ‘home brew’ on that one. Guns underwater is good, very good.

      2. I’ll take funny at the expense of great, though, wouldn’t you, from time to time? Because in a few days, we’ll be talking about steers and backaches and won’t even have a forum for all our urine jokes. Piss or get off the pot, so to speak.

        If I ever have ot stave off a shark, I’d rather have a .357 than a baseball bat.

      3. Much prefer funny to great, ahh so this Fridays blog is about steers then? I like to keep well clear of sharks, lucky once and don’t want to push it. I’d go with the .357too.

  7. that Ke$ha should go on the Bear Grylls show — he drinks his pee all the time. Mind you, he has the larvae, snake and raw camel testicles to go with.
    sorry…did I just make you throw up in your mouth? But….all true episodes.
    I really want to see the gun thing on Mythbusters now. I know they have already proved you cannot shoot a open a lock. or off a door. Just great — no idea what I will do when the zombie apocalypse hits now.

    1. That might be a match made in Heaven – or elsewhere. I’m not sure if red or white wine goes with larvae, snake and raw camel testicles, but maybe something yellow does. I’m fairly certain I’ll never, ever know for usre.

      No upchuck here, but you do make me thankful I don’t have cable TV.

      Apparently, Myth Busters have experimented with firing a gun *into* water, but not while *under* water. You really should write to them.

      Your zombie apocalypse plan B? I read somewhere zombies have an aversion to larvae and raw camel testicles.

      (The grossest Go Ask Daddy EVER would not have achieved this level of grossness without your help. Thank you!)

  8. Recently Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” song (is that really SAT perfect spelling?) came on the only radio station that comes in on our woodsy road. I looked in the rearview mirror both kids kinda blinked at me as if to say, “WTF?” My very good friend worked with her. Apparently she really is a genius and very nice. Who knew?!
    Oh and my husband is famous for parking in fire lanes to run into stores – but get this – while I’m in there with the kids. It’s so embarrassing. And of course I have to get in the driver’s seat and either park it or circle until he comes out. And I’ll lie and tell him a cop told me to move the car.

    1. Maybe it’s like that smart girl in high school who wore what she wanted and hung with the edgy crowd and did bad things but it was OK, because she was really smart and going to a great college next year.

      No, we didn’t have one of those, either. Maybe that’s her allure. Your kids, though, see right through it. (Grace whispered to be the other day, “we are the crazy people!”, just like on the song.) Even if she relinquishes the crown, I’ll still give thumbs up to EVERY song of hers that comes on my Pandora).

      Gosh, leaving the fam in the car is another strike on the Coach Daddy list. I want us all to run in, no matter how many we’re carrying that day. And my girls hate that I’ll take the first parking spot available – even if it’s at the back of the lot.

      You’re an accomplice, you know. A partner in crime.

      But you’re also really smart. So, therefore, you’re kinda like Ke$ha, in a way.

      What’s that you’re drinking, Tamara? Just checkin’.

  9. I am so stuck on this Ke$ha thing. I had no idea (that she was that smart or that she drank her own peepee). None of it computes. But I do think its funny that since $ is not a letter, her name becomes Keha in the URL of this post. That’s awesome 🙂

    1. I know. I’m baffled. I think I could see some of the brilliance in her music, beneath that trashy exterior, and knowing she actually was brilliant added to her allure. But, it’s all watered down now.

      I noticed that change in the URL too! It’s like we’ve stripped her of her crown and taken away her $.

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