I get it. Not everyone loves football.
Or, they love it, but they hate it. It’s how I feel about veggies. And shaving. And pants. Today’s guest poster, Marcia, has that love/hate relationship with football. I can forgive that because she has a love/love relationship with food.
Football food.
God bless America. Marcia’s also funny, articulate, and writes everywhere. She’s written on approximately 439 blogs, so she’s kind of worldly. This is her first foray into the not-at-all feng shui-friendly recesses of the Coach Daddy blog.
Let’s give her a warm welcome, and be sure to check out her blog, Menopausal Mother, for the good, the bad and the ugly side of menopausal mayhem.
10 reasons I have a love/hate relationship with football
I love the fall season. The air is crisper, leaves turn gold, sweaters come out of storage and pumpkin lattes abound. My husband loves the fall for a different reason. Football. The time of year when both my grocery and liquor bill skyrocket. I’ve been to several games and I’ve tried to get into the sport, but the spirit just isn’t there. I am far more interested in the fried foods that are offered than I am over who scored a touchdown. I won’t even remember who won the game, but I’ll be able to tell you in detail every morsel I put into my mouth while watching it.
I have a love/hate relationship with the football season, and this is why:
1. Love my personal time
While my husband turns into a football zombie for 18 hours every weekend, I get to lose myself in the internet Twilight Zone. This is done guilt-free without my husband’s criticism over how much time I spend in front of a computer screen.
2. Hate being a football widow
Where I once strapped on sexy stilettos for a Saturday date night, I now slip into yoga pants and zebra slippers for a hot date with my computer.
3. Love the food
Football season is second only to the Christmas holidays when it comes to binge eating. It’s the perfect excuse to act like the Romans did centuries ago—-eat, purge and gorge some more. Or pretend you’re a cow and switch over to your second stomach.
4. Hate the weight gain
Gorging to oblivion has its consequences. People break lap bands during football season and are forced to schedule gastric bypass surgery to return to their former weight…..otherwise they’ll remain the size of a lineman.
5. Winning puts my husband in a good mood
If his team wins, my husband is fired up. It’s the perfect time to call in favors such as re-grouting the bathroom floor or painting the house pink. He’ll do anything I ask—adopt another pug, host a ladies book club meeting or start up a foundation for wayward squirrels.
6. Losing puts my husband in a bad mood
If his favorite team loses, my husband becomes cranky and sullen. Times like this call for breaking out the handy Pez dispenser full of antidepressants.
7. Love the Super Bowl commercials
Normally I hate television commercials—I mute them or take a bathroom break when they air. But during the Super Bowl, I’m glued to the set in anticipation of the commercials. Months down the road I don’t recall who won the big game but I will remember the E-Trade talking baby, stomping Clydesdales and Dorito crunching dogs.
8. Hate that everything is scheduled around games
Last year our lives revolved around the football calendar. We missed three weddings, two funerals, and the annual yard gnome convention.
9. Love the drinking
The term “Beer Belly” originated from football season. This year I want to supply kegerator backpacks for my husband and all of his buddies so that I don’t have to be on call as a barmaid during each game.
10. Hate the screaming and cheering
Forget napping on a Sunday afternoon. My husband and his football pals are reduced to grunting, hollering, clapping, chanting neanderthals during the games. They’re reminiscent of their caveman ancestors celebrating their latest kill around the campfire. Woolly mammoth wing dip, anyone?
At the end of the football season, I do my celebratory dance as the time clock ticks down to zero. I grab the last chicken wing off the platter and smile. Life will finally return to normal, and hopefully, I’ll drop a few pounds before the swimsuit season begins.
Then my husband cheerfully reminds me that basketball season is only six weeks away…
Marcia Kester Doyle is the author of the humorous blog Menopausal Mother, where she muses on the good, the bad and the ugly side of menopausal mayhem. Give her some wine and a jar of Nutella and she’ll be your best friend. Marcia’s work has appeared on Scary Mommy, In The Powder Room, the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, Mamapedia, The Woven Tale Press, Bloggy Moms, Messy Moms Radio, the Life Well Blogged series and was voted top 25 in the Circle Of Moms Contest 2013.
Just a dad ... 
I think I’ve been on about 440 blogs… we girls get around. I did my own version of a touchdown dance after reading this post because I’m not a big fan of the weird shaped ball either. Unfortunately some of my best hits on my blog come from a post I wrote about fantasy football. WTH? Great post Marcia! 🙂
When you and Marcia reach 500, we should commemorate it somehow – we should hang your jerseys from the rafters.
What your blog hits tell me is that you should consider a Fantasy Football Friday feature, don’t you think? Nothing brings them out like Jesus, politics, and pretend football.
Sarah–glad to know I’m not the only one who just doesn’t quite get the fervor of the game. But I sure do like the food that comes with it!!
I grew up indoctrinated in the church of college football. Bobby Bowden was right up there with Pope John Paul when it came to the short list for eventual sainthood. In my house, it’s all about Frank Beamer, Bud Foster, and Hokie pride. My girls have been donning VT onesies & jerseys since the day they came home from the hospital. I can’t wait to take them to their first game in Lane Stadium. I get so excited when football season kicks off. So long to the doldrums of summer sports (never-ending coverage of golf. Zzzzzzz) and hello College Game Day. Lee Corso learned the hard way (lightning strike to rental car) to never pick against the Hokies. How’s that for divine intervention? So I’ll take it all. The food, the crazy fans, screaming my lungs out & shaking my keys on third down, and high fives all around when Bill Roth shouts ‘Touchdown Tech.’
Bobby Bowden hugged me once. I used to be GamePlan editor at the Tallahassee Democrat, and when my editor introduced me to Bobby at his weekly media luncheon, he called me “buddy” and hugged me.
Steve Spurrier would never do that.
I know now to never pick against Virginia Polytechnic Institution. Isn’t that your real name?
Do you yell bad words at the opposing quarterback?
Did you genuflect before him and kiss the rings? And, no, I don’t see Steve Spurrier doing that. Although I would love to rile up the ol’ ball coach just to get a visor twist-and-throw. Spurrier actually grew up where I live now. Steve Spurrier Field at the high school. And my girls got to meet Frank Beamer last year when we were in Blacksburg for a weekend. We just happened to run into him. It was so cool!
OK you got me on this one. I am a BIG Noles fan—that is the ONLY football I will actually sit in my seat for 2-3 hours to watch. My son is an FSU alumni and I have been nuts about the team ever since. As far as professional teams go….not so much…
Florida State was kind of a professional team.
And Eli? I know it’s painful, but you gotta pull on your big boy pants & eat those veggies. On the other hand, a little five o’clock shadow never hurt anyone.
I do, I do. That’s why I like everything pizza – it has veggies and stuff on it.
I love me some Marcia!! Great post. And I feel like the new kid with only 163 blogs. Still very green. 🙂
She’s pretty alright, isn’t she? She knocked this one out, for sure. You’re a legend in the making Teri – but until you reach that 200-blog plateau, you’re still just a project.
Love seeing you here, Teri. Thanks for stopping by for a read! XO
Oh, this was hilarious!!! Now I need to go check out Marcia’s blog because somehow it isn’t on my list!!!
We men do rise and fall with our teams. NPR said we also eat worse when our teams win. So, it’s a good thing Denver’s 6-0. Meanwhile, in Jacksonville …
I think you’ll find another favorite on Marcia’s blog, Kim.
Happy to meet you, Kim, and I would LOVE to see you over at my Meno Mama site!
Very funny, Marcia. There are always ups and downs to every season. Having a sense of humor makes all seasons better, though, so thanks for a smile this morning!
Glad you enjoyed the post. I am counting down the days until Super Bowl….when I can at least take a breather from the football insanity that reigns in my home.
A sense of humor is especially helpful for New York Giants fans this season.
Amazing as she always is. I DO enjoy watching football on occasion but not the entire weekend! My husband sometimes has that glazed over look come Sunday night from his eyes being focused on the television for so long! Marcia always eloquently brings the reader into her world and gives me a great daily laugh!!
Awwww…thank you, Tera. You just brought a big ol’ smile to my face. Glad you liked the post!
Tera, this is why it’s important for a guy to get up for snacks at every commercial – to readjust his eyes.
Dang Marcia, you get around… I’ve been on three, including my own…we aren’t really big into football, but baseball is where it’s at. I think I am more diligent about watching ges than the hubs though…
Marcia if you ever pass thru stl you are stopping for a drink or 5, we can practice walking in fancy shoes after all those drinks…
HAHAHA!!! Too funny, Ashley. You know, when I used to live in Missouri, I remember most people preferred baseball season over football—at least the crowd I ran with did. My hubs is from Marshall, and when we first met, he was a HUGE Royals fan. We went to several games and I’ll admit, I enjoyed it. But he has joined the dark side now and become more of a football fan . Hey, I would LOVE to join you for a drink next time I’m in Missouri….and heck yeah, I’ll wear those crazy new shoes!
Dear Marcia … you really get around??
Just insert “hockey” where it says football….and you have my winter life.
but it’s cold up here – very cold, so we need a little extra “insulation”. bring on that wooly mammoth dip. (although what the state of my unshaved winter legs has to do with dipping….I haven’t quite figured out yet.)
Nice to meet you Marcia! I so get you.
That’s funny!! Next time I make Wooly Mammoth dip, I’ll be sure and save you some!
Les – do hockey fans shave their legs in the summer?
I like to think of football season as the kickoff of food season. Football rolls into Halloween, which turns to Thanksgiving, which becomes Christmas, and New Year’s, and finally? Valentine’s Day. Now I’m hungry.
You are so correct! I never thought of it that way, but yes, it is one long, endless parade of binge eating. Which explains why I need a new spring wardrobe every year in a size larger then last year’s.
Amy, I heard music when I read your comment. Symphony music.
Eli, I have the same problem with pants.
I can’t get into football, with any will at all. I tried. My sister was on the Rutgers Dance Team and I’d go to games and watch her cheer and I’d watch the hot chocolate vendor and I’d watch the hot dog vendor. And that was it. I can’t feel a thing for football. It’s sad. I’ve never watched a game.
And my husband doesn’t really follow it.
However I love the end of football season, because it means spring is somewhere, buried deep inside our New England winter. And it’s coming. And I love SuperBowl foods and commercials. A lot. I always cheer the end of football, because it means the end of winter..somewhat. And that’s about as deep as it gets for me. Your list is awesome and I’m sending it to my sister. Her husband needs therapy when his team loses. No exaggeration.
That’s EXACTLY what I did at the few games I was coerced into attending. I never knew what the score was because I was too busy flagging down the hot dog or pretzel guy!
Pants are fascist.
To me football season means: making sure the “right” shirt is clean every weekend and checking the score before hubby gets home so I know which mood to expect!
That’s actually a smart idea. I should at least check the score every once in awhile so I know what to expect from The Hubs on the weekends.
Clean shirts are overrated, Rabia.
Marcia, you crack me up. #1 and #3 are totally me. It’s all about the food, if we are elsewhere. It’s all about the internet if we are home. Haha. Actually I like watching football sometimes, but only if it’s my team.
It’s definitely about the food—I get some of my best appetizer recipes during the football season!
For the first three Broncos Super Bowls, we could at least say we ate well.
Please don’t kick me out of the girl club but I love football. My father played for a small college football team and taught me all the ins and outs from an early age. Being a tomboy and expert in football, in elementary and middle school I was always up for an impromptu game in the school yard.
Now my husband and son are football widowers on Sundays while I am the one yelling at the screen 🙂
Jen, that’s awesome! Actually, I envy you—I wish I loved it the same way. That would THRILL my husband to no end!!
Jen – as a female football fan, you get inclusion into a whole new, better club.
Very well written and quite humorous.
Boy, Coach Daddy, you’ve hit the big time with blogging buddies like this.
Thank you so much! I was honored to be asked by Eli to guest over here. Well, honestly, I was NERVOUS because I don’t watch sports, so I went into a bit of a panic wondering what the heck I was going to write!! I just decided to keep it real and talk about why I DON’T like sports, haha!
I feel like I’ve snuck into a fancy restaurant in my sneakers with these guest bloggers, Tony.
You are amazing! Great Post!
Thank you, Maria, glad you liked it. Feel free to stop over by my blog site some time for more laughs!
I don’t bring on any benchwarmers, Maria.
Oh wow, #8 is so TRUE in our house! We have to make a request from the football gods before we can schedule any weekend getaways in the fall. What a great post. My husband’s from Jacksonville, he hasn’t allowed #6 to happen though, guess you get used to losing after a while. BTW, will be linking this post in on my Blog Hop Blitz this weekend.
This is perfect for the blitz, Tiffany.
Your Jags gave me fits against my Broncos on Sunday.
Glad you liked it and thanks for linking it in the blog Hop Blitz!
Marcia, I am so with you on the whole football thing! I never have understood the appeal for the game, the food, yes, the game, no. I am fortunate as my husband usually watches the game alone, with the sound off. Occasionally one of the boys will be around for a game and then there is more noise.
As far as the euphoria when his team wins, I used to work in a bookstore and on the Sundays that the good guys won, the husbands were so happy that the families were able to buy more books! I loved when the good guys won and I was working! But then on the days when the good guys lost, it was rather glum in the store. Things were much slower.
Anyway, I get to be doing the happy dance because I am at my mom’s for another week and no football is being watched here at all. And she makes really good food anyway. Oh, and pheasant hunting is starting this weekend so that is another big food holiday here. There will be some hunters staying here at Mom’s, my daughter and grandson included, so it is really good food and happy dance time.
Thanks for the post!
“My husband watches the game alone, with the sound off.” This made me sad, like, animal-shelter commercial sad.
I want to come to your mom’s house too, not only for the awesome food but to escape all the loud football cheering over here!
Eli, my husband does not really care for all the announcers. He will stop and replay things with the sound on when he wants to see something clearer and to hear what they have to say, but most of the time he doesn’t care about all of their chatter. You don’t need to be sad, he is happy.
Whew, OK – I just pictured a sad man in a small room with no sound.
The announcers are sometimes really annoying. Plus, if I’m eating something crunchy, I can’t hear them anyway.
Eli, that made me laugh! No, he watches on the big screen TV in the living room and he is happy to watch with the sound off. Besides, after being married almost 40 years, we are pretty good at the give and take that it takes to stay together.
Football is just not big here. At all. But, hockey is pretty much the same thing. Now that my boys are older and they are all watching, I find myself witnessing the lonely nights and the irritating yells at the TV (they CAN”T HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW)!
They can, though, Leah. I know they hear us. My dad, uncles, and grandpa used to yell “GET HIM!” to the Broncos pass rush. I find myself doing the same thing now.
Hopefully, my girls are listening.
Basketball season is HUGE here. It drives me crazy when my oldest son comes over to watch the game with his father–all they do is scream at the TV and I say the same thing—“THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!”
Yes, yes, yes, and yes! Sooooo true!!!
I can’t wait to run your guest post Gina – there’s some parallels there, isn’t there?
Good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Yeah there are!! Soooo many! I loved reading this! 🙂
We’ll go right from American football to … football.