Go Ask Daddy About Fierce Mythical Hares and Presidents Who Look Like Us


photo credit: #361/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #361/366 via photopin (license)

Here comes another Colorado story.

GAD GRAPHICI can’t help it. Circumstances have put my home state in the spotlight lately. The Rockies are crushing it. The Broncos are favorites to win the next Super Bowl. I’ve gotten plenty of 3Oh!3 in my Pandora. And two questions for Go Ask Daddy tie back to my home state.

Elementary school in Colorado is the most.

You learn about Stegosaurus and Alvar Nunez Cabeza de Vaca. You read about cliff dwellers and the gold rush. There are units on the formation of the Rocky Mountains and tales of the Wild West. Some of those tales take on monstrous forms of animals too outlandish to have lived.

Or are they too outlandish?

The best part has to be my grandma’s kitchen. Rows of tamales at Christmas. Always a stack of tortillas and a pot of beans at the ready. Mmm.

1. Are jackalopes real?

photo credit: #361/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #361/366 via photopin (license)

See kids, when a pygmy deer and a killer rabbit fall in love …

I claim the jackalope phenomenon into my Colorado upbringing, but it’s the Wyomingites who ride this one for all its worth. I posed on the back of a behemoth jackrabbit as a kid. What I’d give for that picture right now. Your typical jackalope weighs no more than 5 pounds and runs 90 mph.

Which of these facts about the best animal not to be a sports team mascot is not true?

  1. Jackalopes in Germany are called wolperdingers; in Sweden, they’re skvaders.
  2. Jackalopism is a disease that causes hardened growths resembling horns on a rabbit’s head.
  3. A mini-monster truck obstacle course, greased pig run, and motorcycle show are just part of Jackalope Day in Douglas, Wyoming.*

*-All three of these facts are *true*. (Special thanks to Legends of America for all the jackalope facts.)

2. How long has man wanted to fly?

photo credit: The Flying Machine via photopin (license)
photo credit: The Flying Machine via photopin (license)

Probably at least since the days of jackalope attacks.

Leonardo da Vinci sketched plans for a human-powered ornithopter in 1485. I wasn’t even in college yet. Da Vinci studied flights of birds and bats. His ornithopter’s wingspan was to exceed 33 feet, a pine frame covered in pure silk.

This flying machine, equipped with foot and hand cranks for power, could never have generated enough power to take flight. But his ingenuity sparked inventors from Francis Herbert Wenham to Horatio Frederick Phillips to steam punks to the Wright Brothers.

3. Why do people want to elect black and women presidents?

photo credit: Hillary & Barack via photopin (license)
photo credit: Hillary & Barack via photopin (license)

Before Barack Obama, all U.S. presidents could have joined the same country club.

That’s a gross generalization. White men had a 42-president winning streak before Obama.

A president represents the citizens who elect him. Why not elect someone who thinks like you do? Or looks like you do?

As a Hispanic American, I’ll take pride in the first Latino U.S. President.

Just as I hope you girls take pride in the first woman president, whether it’s Hillary Clinton, Nikki Haley or Nicolle Wallace.

I won’t, however, vote in mi hermano just because he’s mi hermano.

I ran for class president in middle school as a sixth grader. I was a semi-popular, or popular-enough, kid to garner enough votes. I was a horrible president. I did nothing. I made the do-nothing Congress look like Katy Perry’s wardrobe changing crew.

If I had to cast a vote tonight for president in 2016, it wouldn’t be for Jeb Bush, although I like him, and heck, he says he’s Hispanic. My vote would go to Marco Rubio. Not because he’s a Cuban American or even that he’s my age.

His vision best aligns with mine. Conviction is thicker than blood.

And Maybe Nicolle Wallace will be ready in 2024.

4. Are people’s legs sometimes too long for their beds?

photo credit: Melissa Adret via photopin (license)
photo credit: Melissa Adret via photopin (license)

I had this problem once. True, Grace, it was your baby bed … but I felt like a lighter brown version of Manute Bol at bedtime.

I’ve never ever been called long-legged. I’m no one’s tall glass of water. If anything, I’m a splash of cold water in the face. I buy pants with size 30 inseam, and scuff the cuffs like a hobo. The Internet offers no assistance to those suffering from too-long-leg syndrome either.

Shaquille O’Neal’s bed is 15 feet by 30 feet. Check it out here.

5. Does your grandma just wing it?

photo credit: Flour tortillas via photopin (license)
photo credit: Flour tortillas via photopin (license)

Abuelita doesn’t JUST wing it.

Her hands are masterful. They know just how much masa it takes for the perfect tortillas.

They sculpt and form corn masa for perfect tamales. Every time. My grandma never overcooked a single tortilla or made a pumpkin empanada anything but delicious.

I’d give just about anything for a stack of her tortillas.

I’d even wrestle a jackalope for it.

Right now.

tortillas quote

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36 thoughts on “Go Ask Daddy About Fierce Mythical Hares and Presidents Who Look Like Us

  1. You need to look at Pixar’s Bounding, it’s a hoot. There’s a Jackalope in it. Mate there’s nothing worse than a bed that’s too short, you turn over and try to stretch, arrgghhh!

  2. My grandma made the most amazing rhubarb and apple pies. I got caught pinching a thin sliver of the leftover pie on more than one occasion 🙂
    I think people should be careful voting for the first female president. We voted in our first female prime minister in 2010 and she was a complete disaster. Probably the most hated politician in Australian history. Something tells me it will be a long time before we have another female leader.

    1. Dad made rhubarb and strawberry pies, so I can’t blame you for swiping a sliver! I do remember hearing about your female prime minister.

      No matter what, we just have to do our homework, don’t we? If we elect someone too soon, it could set the effort back a generation.

  3. What is it about grandmas and their cooking ability? Defies reality… Experience and patience.. As for your pant legs, I suffer the same such malady. BTW today is No Pants Day, not that I will partake, but it is. Have a great Friday.

  4. Those must indeed be some kind of tortillas if you’re willing to wrestle the infamous and feared jackaloupe for them! 🙂

    Concerning too-short legs and 30-inch inseams that you wickedly drag on ground….two words…..The Gap. Only place I know that carries shorter inseams in men’s pants. It’s saved me from numerous nights of hemming now that I can buy in the size I need for my husband. Check them out online!

    1. Those tortillas are the bomb. They might be the reason the waist goes up on my pants size sometimes.

      I will check out the Gap! Sometimes i get lucky and find 29 inseams on clearance at Target.

  5. We’re not short. We’re vertically challenged. We’re fun size. The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the mower! My 30×30’s are too long, too. Thanks for the laugh 😀

    1. Compact, I like to say. A friend’s girlfriend once told my friend she thought I was a 6-2 guy stuck in a 5-7 body. Who needs to hit their head on chandeliers? I’d rather be the right size to drive a Mini Cooper someday.

      Great to have you here, brother.

  6. Great insight on voting for a leader because of what they stand for, not just what they look like. I wish more people thought that way.

  7. Homemade tortillas… Mmm. Dinner at your place!

    We had a lot of fun with jackalope tales, too. Visitors were never quite sure if it was real or not.

    1. Nothing else like homemade tortillas. I feel like a little donkey dies every time I get store-bought tortillas.

      Jackalopes would make a kick-ass mascot, right?

      1. I’d like to see the Jackalopes play the Ligers.

        My money would be on the Ligers. They have some pretty awesome magical powers, you know.

  8. With kids, you will never run out of blog material. Then comes the grandkids, and it begins again. I feel your inseam pain, it’s no better for women who are 5 feet tall. And reading the description of your grandmother’s cooking made my mouth water. Perfect ending, Eli.

    1. I love it when something happens, and a kid turns to me and says, “*that’s* going on the blog!” It’s also no fun for we shorter people to buy shorts these days – they go past our knees, like Calvin’s shorts on Calvin & Hobbs. (Remember them?) I’m answering this comment as I eat a store-bought tortilla with breakfast.

      (So glad my grandma doesn’t read me!)

      1. I gave up on shorts years ago. They look like weird capris on me.

        Better hope no one mentions that tortilla to your grandma. 😉

  9. You know, I can’t think of anything better than an informative post sprinkled with delightful humor.
    I really didn’t know jackalopes were a real thing. Huh! And I would have to agree there is nothing better than homemade tortillas.

    1. These kids keep my brain warm with all these questions, Sandy. Jackalopes are ‘real’ if you believe they’re real!

      I’ve just never had one grilled on a homemade tortilla.

  10. Tamales, please. Isn’t this a delivery menu?? (on a sidenote, did you ever see the Seinfeld sketch about tamales?)
    I have always wanted to fly, planes aside.
    I bought a king-sized bed last year, and it was a big investment. So big, I thought it would at least be far longer than my long legs.
    Nope.

    1. I’ve never seen the Seinfeld skit about tamales – I also run across M*A*S*H* episodes I’ve never seen!

      Delivery service for tamales – where do I sign up?

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