Guest Post: Charlotte of My Pixie Blog, on Shifting with your Relationship

photo credit: “The Empire has a legion of loyal soldiers that are in endless supply.” via photopin (license)

Sometimes, a post comes along at just the right time.

It’ll show up in your feed like a fresh pizza on the buffet the moment you clean your 13th plate. It’s like, divine intervention. And it’s even cooler when this post comes through from a guest writer.

Charlotte writes My Pixie Blog, where she chronicles “love, life and lessons learned.” She writes on love and relationships, in an engaging, poignant way I’ve come to love. You will to, once you read her.

She came to Coach Daddy for a post about snacks – and left hungry. Today, she’s shown up with a post on relationships so incredibly timely and relevant that I can’t even set the scene.

She’s invited me to come to her place and do the same from the male point of view.

If I can do that to even 11% of what she has … well, a dude can dream. Please give Charlotte a warm CD welcome, and be sure to check out My Pixie Blog, too.

The mental shift that made all the difference in my relationship

photo credit: via photopin (license)

When I first met my boyfriend four years ago, I never would have imagined that one day we’d sit in therapy together or that there would ever be a need to “spice things up” (whatever the hell that means).

We were magnets for each other—neither one of us wanted to let go first. I remember the first time we met and I casually invited him to my apartment after we’d closed out the bar. What was I thinking?? I never would allow a stranger up on a first date! But it was as if we had known each other for years; we simply didn’t want that first date to ever end.

It’s so easy to think that two people can continue living in that eternal state of bliss, but I’m here to tell you what you probably already know. It takes work, and a relationship can’t survive if one person checks out or doesn’t pull his or her weight. That foundation will crumble, distorting memories of the past and leaving layers of distrust, anger, and resentment in their place.

Sometimes I get caught in a funnel of despair and feel alone on this path. Other times, just going to therapy makes me feel like a failure.

The truth of the matter is, it’s easy to blame shift and shirk responsibility when the shit hits the fan. I mean, who the hell wants to step up and work at something that should come naturally? And what happened to that couple that couldn’t keep their hands off each other?

Years of (in)experience have taught me that there are no rules and no two relationships are ever the same. As we reach certain benchmarks in life, our expectations shift—we bend in places we never thought possible and we stand firm on things that hadn’t crossed our minds previously. We evolve along with our deal breakers.

Recently my best friend went through a breakup; it was a crushing ripple that caused the couples around her to look at their relationships in a whole new light. If they couldn’t make it, how the hell could the rest of us survive?

Slowly, something amazing happened. These two forlorn lovers rolled up their sleeves, buried their egos, and got to work. They stopped sugar coating, started admitted to wrongdoings, and they picked up the pieces. One by one.

They worked and worked and worked, while putting the rest of us to shame.

It was incredible to watch this gut-wrenching reunion unfold and it made me realize that what I share with Bryan today is infinitely better than that initial lust we had in a bar in Hoboken.

That part came easy. The rest will always be work—what I’m learning is that it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

What’s made the big difference in your relationship?