Go Ask Daddy About Water Lizards, Major-League Bubbles and the Prospects of Volatile Love

GAD lede 12 25
photo by Grace

And so, this is Christmas.

GAD GRAPHICIt’s nearly 3 a.m. (now nearly 9), and I tried to pass of a post of finding the light of Christmas joy in the little things. But, I’ve always been honest with you here, right? I know others have it much rougher than I this holiday season, but the rough I know is rough enough.

It’s not just one single thing.

It’s okay for a Christmas to feel blue. I’ve just gotten through the eve part of it, so who knows what the actual Christmas Day will feel like.

Certainly, there’ve been combatants to the blues, such as friends who spring for pizza or for Star Wars tickets or leave candy and cookies at your desk. And this.

I used up tons of wishes on my birthday, but Christmas wishes exist too, right? I’ll take two Ibuprofen and let you know how the morning goes.

Maybe a night of decidedly un-Christmas relief, such as mac and cheese and laying on the floor to watch “Radio” with a fifth grader who likes to hold hands and lay on my back can lead into morning, where chocolate-chip pancakes made with egg nog await.

Could a little more joy and a lot more peace be soon to follow?

1. What’s the dinosaur that lived in the water, with the really long neck?

photo credit: Wee Nessie the Loch Ness Monster via photopin (license)

No dinosaurs spent their lives in water, although prehistoric heavies such as brachiosaurus found life easier on his joints to stay in the drink as much as possible.

Aquatic reptiles millions of years ago weren’t technically dinosaurs. Aquatic reptiles known as nothosaurs, mosasaurs and plesiosaurs all lived in the water and were around way before I was born. Way. Pliosauroids fit your description, with long necks, puny heads and hefty bodies.

Don’t make too much fun of them, though.

Besides being the great-great-great granddaddy of modern-day marvels such as the Loch Ness Monster and Normie, Pliosaurus packed some nasty stats. He had foot-long chompers and grew to 50 feet long.

His bite registered four times stronger than the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

So, why’s that not a dinosaur? To become a dinosaur, one must be an ancient lizard with limbs under their bodies. Flying and swimming reptiles have limbs that stick out to the side. Sorry, guys.

2. Do you like One Direction?

one direction
photo credit: One Direction – Ullevaal stadion via photopin (license)

Now that the hysteria (and the worldly shock of Zayn’s departure) has died down, I can look back and appreciate what the lads have produced.

I’d argue this song perhaps tells the story of my life. They’re officially on hiatus, I learned, which is a fancy word for limbo. Limbo is great at office parties but lousy when it comes to something you anticipate. The lads were just coming into their own artistically, perhaps.


One will become a dad in 2016, and it seems the four left remain close.

At this stop in the timeline for the Beatles, their music began to take a turn. It’d be interesting to see where this turn would take a band like One Direction, wouldn’t it?

3. Do baseball players really chew gum?

baseball bubble
photo credit: Put Me in, Coach. via photopin (license)

I sure as hell did – and I was as much a baseball player as R2-D2 (Artoo probably hit for better average than your pop.)

Baseball’s been migrating away from chewing tobacco for years. In three Major League Baseball cities – Boston, Los Angeles and San Francisco – you can’t chew in public athletic parks, including homes for the Angels, dodgers, giants and Red Sox.

It’s a great idea. Kids emulate not only their favorite stars’ batting stances, but also what they chew. Bubbles are preferred to tobacco juice. In baseball dugouts, there’s enough spitting going on anyway – even without tobacco or sunflower seeds.

In the late 70s, a couple of pitchers on the Portland Mavericks, an obscure independent-league team, dreamed up the concept of shredded chewing gum in pouches that resembled how chewing tobacco was packaged then. It became a hit that keeps gaining traction.

I remember a TV ad from my youth for Big League Chew. Check it. I always thought it was balsy of that last guy to blow a bubble in his coach’s face! What do you think?

4. Is that real grass at Wimbledon?

photo credit: IMG_9699 via photopin (license)

It’s genuine grass, the same stuff you play at least 17% of your soccer matches on.

Wimbledon screams fancy.

You must wear all white when you play in the tennis tournament at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, one of four Grand Slam events on the pro tour. The others: U.S. Open (hard court), French Open (clay) and Australian Open (hardcourt).

Fans eat strawberries and cream, a far cry from the fried chicken and Budweiser at a NASCAR race.

The grass is fancy, too. According to the Wimbledon website, 54 million grass plants make up Centre Court. It takes 15 months to grow the grass to Wimbledon’s high standards.

Every two weeks, the blades of 100% rye grass gets a millimeter trim. It’ll check in at 8mm optimum height at tournament time.

5. What if Pink and Eminem got together?

photo credit: via photopin (license)

You mean, romantically?

They’ve collaborated on songs on each of their albums. Pink, a feisty rebel of a singer and mom, lent her voice to a duet on Eminem’s “Won’t Back Down.” Eminem, whose conjured his own doses of controversy, agreed to reciprocate in Pink’s song, “Here Comes the Weekend.”

photo credit: EMINEM rapping via photopin (license)

Pink’s married to former freestyle motocrosser Carey Hart. Eminem’s on the loose. He’s a Libra, she’s a Virgo, which, according to charts, means they’d be in for subtle power plays and well-mannered takeover bids. I don’t buy that, though.

If lyrics are any indication, how do you think Marshall Mathers III would deal with Alecia Beth Moore when she wants to start a fight? Would he light the house on fire?

Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.

love quote

22 Comments Add yours

  1. reocochran says:

    Merry Christmas to you, Eli and your darling and bright daughters. 🙂 ♡♡♡♡

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Robin, and same to you and yours.

  2. ksbeth says:

    merry christmas to you and your daughters, eli, and may you find a merry moment on most days –

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      merry christmas to you and yours too beth – and i promise to always look for those moments.

  3. Aw, just had to stop in tonight and say Merry Christmas to you once again my dear friend!! 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Janine. Merry Christmas.

  4. jannatwrites says:

    A tornado and volcano…. great way to put that. The questions posts are always entertaining to read. Hope you’re coming out of the Christmas funk.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It’s in an Eminem song. These questions posts are fun to write and a wonderful distraction. I have high hopes for the New Year. Hell, for Dec. 27 I hope.

  5. stomperdad says:

    First, thanks for the link to Lisa. That was quite a special post she wrote. Second, great questions and great answers. I thought all those animals who lived millions of years ago were dinos. Lastly, a tornado has met a volcano, just not quite to that scale.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Glad you clicked on it, Eric. It was special and a couple of things fell in place to lead me there, and for that I’m grateful.

      Sometimes, i come up with something I never knew when answering these questions. I think there are plenty of volcanoes and tornadoes out there in the world of love, and I’m not so sure they find each other all the time.

  6. Jess Witkins says:

    Christmases can be blue. I ended Christmas Eve feeling sad, and unable to really say why. I just felt a kind of loss. But like you laying on the floor, watching Radio and holding your kiddo’s hand, I had a day with the hubs where we stayed in pajamas, snuggling on the couch, watching mission impossible.

    Now that the bulk of holiday parties have ended, I’m looking forward to being a hermit for my own improvement a bit. Doing some journaling, working on writing, processing all that’s going on. Hope you get to do the same, friend.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Yes they can, Jess. It sometimes sneaks up on you, and other times, you see it coming and put up your best defense, but can’t stop it.

      At a time when I feel like I have no place in the world, I can always find a respite when I’m with my kids, especially lately my youngest.

      It’s like she knows dad’s sad and lost. She’s the one who comes to get me.

      I’m doing similarly to you, and hoping to get organized and establish a routine to turn myself around. I hate new year’s resolutions; I’d hope that if this were happening Jan. 15 or Oct. 2 or June 30, I’d do the same thing.

      Best of luck to you, my friend.

  7. Sorry you were feeling blue on Christmas Eve, E. What was the next day like? Did the pancakes make everything better?

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Tamara. The pancakes helped a bit, but the whole season was just off, you know? Everything’s just a little off.

  8. Rorybore says:

    I remember Big League Chew!! Oh gosh, I really dated myself there. You still buy it at the corner store in my little town — right beside the Popping Rocks and Nerds.
    We’ve had a lovely Christmas… the joys and anticipation of children is infectious; I just can’t be sad. But someone in my family is, and that does give me some blues. It’s hard to watch those we love lose their shine. Here’s to Christmas wishes and Shining on Together in 2016!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Kids probably don’t know we had Big League Chew back in the Renaissance. Who am I kidding?

      My kids consider me Mesozoic. Maybe because I rode my bike to a similar corner store to buy football cards, lemon heads and boston baked beans (remember those?)

      Christmas felt melodramatic this year, for some reason, even from the kids. I hope I didn’t transfer any sadness to the kids – I think that they got their biggest presents early, so there was less to anticipate.

      It’s hard to be the one who loses his shine and hope he doesn’t bring everyone down around him. Every day is a chance to regain a bit of it, though. One little thing. Universe, give me one little thing and I’ll run with it.

      1. Rorybore says:

        Sunsets are great little things for that. I find them to be nice little visualizations of hope. If you can start the day with a sunrise, or end with a sunset; it’s a pretty good day.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Sunsets, sunrises, moon sets, moon rises, meteor showers, Orion, planets at dawn and dusk alone in the sky are the Creator’s swag.

        I love the day I went for a morning run with the rising sun on one shoulder and the setting moon on the other.

        You’re right, those are parts to a pretty good day.

  9. tamaralikecamera says:

    I used to be obsessed with Big League Chew, actually.
    And people laying on my back. Ok, I still am.
    And now I know a One Direction song!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      What broke you of your obsession? That’s *the* One Direction song if you ask me. For me personally.

  10. Penelope says:

    Huh… totally rethought my definition of a dinosaur.

    Happy New Year friend!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I wonder if those sea creatures thought they were in. Happy new year to you Penelope – great to see you here.

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