🚧 Here’s What No One Tells You About Reconstruction


stormtrooper toucan last week opportunity kitchen

There’s some serious reconstruction happening, friends. It started right around the time I left for Detroit and it’s happening now. It hits me when I step back into this blog and realize it’ll be more than a month since my last post.

A month. I remember times when I’d shun a plate of tacos to get a post posted. Like anything, nothing stays the same. Sometimes there’s work to be done and walls to demolish and structure to save, and sometimes the work feels tedious and pointless.

And sometimes the light breaks through at just the right angle. It illuminates something just well enough to show you a way, to demonstrate what’s possible. Even when you feel like you’re in the middle of the impossible.

The slow demolition of the small, old arena attached to the former Cobo Center stopped me in my tracks during my stay in Detroit. When you freeze a moment on the decomposition of one element for another? It gives you incredible insight.

It forces you up at 2 a.m. with words composing in your tired mind. It feels like death and rebirth all at once. It’s exposed beams and framework that stood the test of time falling victim in the name of progress.

I’ll return with Go Ask Daddy and 6 words. #gratitudeandshit and #GirlsRock aren’t gone. Mindful posts and tales of misadventures a man they still call coach and daddy are coming. #girlsrock especially – I have so many conversations to share with you!

Until then … the deconstruction – and simultaneous reconstruction – plods along for me.

deconstruction 1

There’s evidence of progress amid the rubble. Clothes that fit better. Yoga, without F-bombs. And still, the aches and pains are real, too. That painful relief of retiring from another 18-hour day, wondering how your body will hold up.

deconstruction 2

There’s space for new. But also, mounds of what once composed your best self, categorized in ruins. Bits of you that must necessarily crumble if there’s any saving. And reminders that such work takes strength and it takes time.

deconstruction 3

There are portions of a soul that felt essential to existence that now have no purpose. It takes longer to let go of these. In your former self, they were the pillars that framed the rest. They identified you. Their absence will feel wrenching for some time.

demolition 4

Some cornerstones bore such weight, felt indispensable in their function. As walls collapse, they become obstacles. You cling to them anyway because they anchor you. Some days the vision of possibility just feels hopeless. But the work continues.

deconstruction 5

The details of your own rebirth require closer review. Manage that, and you’ll see doors closed off for your own good. Warnings that what got you here won’t get you there, no matter how tightly you cling to it out of fear.

deconstruction 6

Will anyone miss this me? Will anyone understand this post? Deep dives reveal connections lost, pipelines that no longer serve. The soreness surfaces only when you see it. You realize you’ve already moved on, already shifted your circles elsewhere.

demolition 7

Sometimes, dreams of what once was will rouse you from essential rest. It’ll spur you to get up and get writing despite the hellacious load ahead. You must pause mid-destruction, and move around despite the mess around you.

demolition 8

The excruciating process of tearing down is also a testament to the strength you had to get here. Let’s not lose that. Take note, and power on with the intent to girt your framework to become even more galvanized than ever before.

deconstruction 9

Can’t stop now. Clearing the old is to make way for the new. The present. Once you realize the value of the space the former occupies, first to go away, and second to host a wellspring of you, you’ll attack its clearing with vigor.

deconstruction 10

The inconceivable concedes ground for potential. Devastation becomes removable. Armload by armload, space opens. You care less about its immediate new purpose and instead reserve the right to practice patience when it comes to filling it.

deconstrucdtion 11

Here for long doesn’t mean here for good. What once was isn’t what’s now best. Sometimes these elements stand stalwart in our lives, refusing to budge. And that’s why we must keep on swinging. Not relinquish the task until it’s totally complete.

deconstruction 12

Some messages you’ve received stay in permanent ink. But they’re buried and don’t reach daylight unless you let them. You often can’t vanquish them completely, They’re both irrelevant and part of your very fabric. Don’t sweat them.

Feeling a bit under construction? Remember …

Mental toughness is admirable – even if we dread having to be mentally tough.

Quit, and the world goes on around you. Rather, stay the course.

It’ll take a moral compass and inventiveness to arrive there – but it’ll be worth it.

Fog will lift. Mountains will level. There’s opportunity unseen.

It’s not for others to need to understand. Read that again.

Don’t lose sight of YOUR thing. Not someone else’s that you covet.

Keep. Going. It’s in stopping that we fail. When it’s ugliest, this becomes most critical.

You don’t have to see the whole path – just the next step, and then the next.

Never move forward without hope. Not even a step.

See you here soon. I’ll wear a nametag.

kuykendall quote rising up

 

 

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18 thoughts on “🚧 Here’s What No One Tells You About Reconstruction

    1. Thank you, Carrie. It took a while to develop and I’m slower to respond to comments than I’d have liked, but I’m happy to be here.

      I hope I can gain some momentum from it, and I’m happy it resonated with you! Your post on integrity did the same for me.

      1. Thank you, Eli. I’m glad my post was meaningful.

        I appreciate the time that people take with their comments. I feel it is a mutual respect kind of “thing”. If someone takes the time to write a post, and another takes the time to read and respond, I feel taking the time to offer thoughtful comments/gratitude in return completes the cycle of appreciation and respect. Your timing is yours…and it’s quite fine.

  1. This resonated more than you’ll ever know. Thank you!

    Sometimes even the very next step is difficult to see through all the dust of the debris.

    A little bit of hope and a whole lot of faith is the only thing that makes you lift your foot for that next step. But sometimes lately there are days for me that it feels like such a leap.

    Thanks again. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone, that there are others out there also under construction helps give you the strength to push through and clear the debris with a little more ease.

    I hope you’re starting to see the vision of who you’re becoming through all the rubble. Those steel beams are buried deep for a reason, you may sway back and forth for a bit but you totally got this. 😉

    1. So glad to hear that, Gina! Happy to have you here. Taking that next step regardless of what you can see – that’s faith.

      It’s faith in the process and not necessarily the outcome that can sustain us. We don’t know what the next thing is, but we can trust we’ll get there and it’ll be meant for us.

      It’s important to give others grace as they reconstruct, but really, affording yourself the same mercy is even more crucial.

      I feel good. I am okay in the pause, too, when there is plenty to do, because I know I’m on the right rack. Thanks for being here for it!

  2. Love – See you here soon. I’ll wear a nametag. 🙂 I am practicing to be more in the present moment lately and focus in on and get engaged in that moment too. All this hustle and bustle and stress and worry about the next thing is exhausting and leaving me needing a 2 pm nap at times. I just want to slow down and soak, savor, treasure, etc. Great Post Today and Made Me Think!!! Happy Day – Enjoy

    1. I hope to make good on that last line! I feel good that I will – and I have a new teammate at work I’m going to ask about how to do this blogging thing much better than I have.

      The present moment is everything, and it’s here just once. I’ll give you some insight: When we’re present and not hustling and bustling so much, the 2 p.m. nap is still a stellar idea.

      Here’s hoping your day is filled with just those slow moments, the soaking, the treasuring … I’m keying in on detachment from expected or hoped-for outcomes too, and that brings along another wave of peace.

  3. I totally understand where you are coming from friend. Sometimes we need to tear everything down and start over building it all back up. Change is inevitable, but it can be good too. I was glad to see this today and I look forward to more posts again from you soon!

  4. It’s really interesting because I never thought about demolition of buildings as a big deal until they tore down my old high school to build a bigger, fancier one. And while I understand the need for it, the old building was shit and it was as dark as a dungeon and you were either freezing your ass off or sweating to death, it was still weird to see part of it come down. But when the “circle” (the majority of the building was shaped like a circle, and it was really kind of cool) started to go I remember watching from my car. Before it came down we could “walk the circle” one last time so I went with a friend and I was all nostalgic and I can’t remember my wedding day anymore but I knew right where my locker was. So as I saw the building coming down it really made me realize nothing is remembered. Soon, nobody will remember that building, or what it was like to endlessly walk the circle every morning before the bell. Which then made me think about when we die, sure people will think fondly of you and maybe random memories will pop up, but within a short time you aren’t thought of anymore by anyone. It’s like you never existed at all. I think about that a lot.

    1. It’s especially impactful when that building is one that means something to you. Even the creakiest, draftiest places still have a place in our hearts – we grew up in places like that, so they’re part of our fabric.

      You bring up some powerful points, Sara. It’s easy for us to forget traditions, institutions, buildings, sentiments, and people. How can we do something about that?

      My father died in 1999. He doesn’t have much of an online presence. I’ve blogged a bit about him and journaled, too. This is how to maintain a legacy. I’d suggest that you, too, will be remembered fondly by many, from your written word. I know I would feel that way about you.

      I’ll always feel like my kids and my writing will be my legacies. I feel pretty good about that.

  5. Eli…. totally agree. The past year has been an uphill hike, both ways. So much has happened, some good and some downright awful, that I’ve been in survival mode. I feel like I am beginning to right the ship. thank you for the inspiration, Keep moving forward and being, that is all we can do. Peace.

  6. Great post and loved the advice at the end. Especially the part about opportunity been unseen – sometimes one needs to just keep plodding to find it.
    And YES to “It’s not for others to need to understand.” I spend far too much time justifying things that have nothing to do with others. I seem to have a lot of happiness vampires around me at the moment. People who cannot be happy for others and want to suck out joy for anyone who is happy. It is exhausting and I often ask myself why I’m wasting my time ‘justifying’ doing anything that makes me happy to an energy thief.
    I owe you an e-mail – haven’t forgotten. Just catching up after being on leave.

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