👖 Go Ask Daddy about pants, word noises, and tropical storms

School. Remember it?

Feels like a far-off memory. And I’m not even talking about me. I’m the one who graduated during the Pliocene Era. I’m talking about our kids. They got out of school, then went on spring break (at home), and then learned they won’t be back until fall.

No more pencils, no more books …

Thing is, when you’re Coach Daddy, the learning don’t never quit. The questions keep rolling in. Most of these were from the past, picked from a list of about 200 at random. The most recent: the one about fried ice cream.

Now that I think of it, maybe that was a hint …

The first one was from the previous year. I’m sure EOG testing isn’t on my girls’ mind at this point. Their work is done and they’re working on their tans for the summer. What a strange school year this has been.

photo credit: Andrew At Work via photopin (license)

1. Do you think it’s dumb we can’t wear jeans to EOGs?

Shoot, I can’t even remember the last time I WORE jeans.

In an era in which a girl’s collarbone or spaghetti-strap top are considered “distractions” to boys, I can see how this could happen. Yes, it’s dumb. You should be able to be comfortable during a drawn-out testing procedure.

Even if a kid stretches the permission to wear jeans to involve skin-tight and ripped up pants, well, that’s on them – how comfortable can that be?

A kid in Florida – whose mom was the mayor of their town – was suspended for wearing ripped jeans to school. The reason: She needed to consider boys’ hormones when selecting her wardrobe. Seriously?

If I can work from home with a box of graham crackers sitting 10 feet away in the pantry, boys can take a test amid girls in blue jeans. Ripped or intact.

Photo by Layyana Sheridean on Pexels.com

2. How do you fry ice cream?

Very carefully. Or, you take an easier way out. It’s tough to believe that some fried ice cream recipes involve actually frying ice cream. How is this even possible? Fried ice cream is one of those delicacies from a Mexican restaurant that white people love.

When I waited tables at a Mexican restaurant during college, people requested Mexican coffee quite often.

Know what is in Mexican coffee? A little cinnamon in the coffee grounds. That’s it. I’ve never tried it because I wasn’t into coffee then. But white folks raved over it. It felt so exotic to them, such a delightful taste from that cafe in Mazatlan …

Another funny thing – that delicious cheese in Mexican restaurant quesadillas is actually called White American.

It’s delicious, don’t get me wrong. Rather than tell you how to do something I’ve never done, I’ll defer to fellow blogger Jacklyn, who has a kickass recipe here. I’m totally going to try it. If you try it, let us know how it goes!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

3. Is onomatopoeia the same around the world?

A ribbit in Sacramento is a croac in Monterrey.

Onomatopoeia is the word interpretation of noises. The language we speak influences how we hear sounds, including animal sounds. It goes also for machine noises (beep, honk, vroom), impact sounds (boom, crash, whack), and voice (giggle, growl, shush).

I love onomatopoeia because it allows a writer to distinguish between a whimper and a growl.

There’s a ton of subtlety in what defines onomatopoeia. Ouch, for instance. It feels at first as if it should be, but it’s more of an interjection. In a literal sense, I like that there’s still a distinction between “ow” and “yowch!!”

One English-Spanish onomatopoeia I think says it all in both cases – eating something delicious (nyam nyam! In Spanish, yum yum! in English!)

photo credit: JD Hancock Mutant Turtles Unite! via photopin (license)

4. If they’re turtles, why are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fast?

The very notion of mutant changes – according to comic books, anyway – give way to superhuman powers. I’ll assume superhuman equals super-turtle. Getting ripped, learning martial arts, and mastering surfer language apparently also come with the package.

If you didn’t know, Leonardo is the oldest of the four and the TMJT leader.

Speed isn’t all the turtles bring. Their semi-superhuman strengths include enhanced reflexes and durability. Those are also helpful for dads, by the way. No wonder I feel a kinship with them. Well, except the speed. Dads lose speed at an alarming pace with age.

To prove good can come from things that are gross – the turtles’ power came from an oozing stuff that Splinter, their adoptive father and fellow mutant, found them wallowing in.

Turtles don’t usually do all the cool things they do, and I don’t know if real turtles like pizza like the TMNT do. (Another trait I share with them.) But check out how this turtle can haul ass when he needs to.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

5. Why are there so many hurricanes?

It’s not as easy as screaming CLIMATE CHANGE at the nearest conservative.

But where there’s warm ocean water, these are ideal conditions. Warm air holds in more water vapor than cool air. That’s the hurricane’s power source. With air temps on the rise since the 1970s, there’s also more water vapor out there.

2020 is an El Nino year, too – a climate condition that usually tamps down hurricane formation is on a weak cycle.

Hurricane season will begin June 1 and run through November 30. We haven’t seen one like the Great Galveston Hurricane of 1900, which wreaked havoc on Texas but also terrorized as far north as Canada as remnants of the storm.

The first three storms of 2020 will be named Arthur, Bertha, and Cristobal. I wonder if Leonardo, Donatello, and Michaelangelo could whoop them.

-30-