Go Ask Daddy About Concussions, Baseball Records and Mascots On The Payroll


 

concussionMy Go Ask Daddy list brims with possibility. It’s 30, maybe 40 questions strong. I don’t want to give it away, but subjects include stress tests, gladiators and mattress construction.

Sometimes, I get one I just can’t ignore. One that deserves its own post, such as, “would you die for me, daddy?” Or, that deserve top billing on a Friday, such as one about concussions – from a kid who knows better than me.

Nearly a week ago, In quick succession, I saw Grace get hit inadvertently during a soccer match, with a knee to the side of her head. Then, I caught her as she stumbled off the field and her legs gave way beneath her.

Grace says she doesn’t even remember getting hit.

I watched an orthopedic doctor administer tests to her on the sideline (her vision was blurry in her right eye), medics stabilize her on a stretcher, and an ambulance whisk her away to the hospital.

When I lay down to sleep that night, the images caught up with me and took my breath away.

She’s fine, today, and will likely miss just one week of soccer. That’s better than good. I happen to love that jolted little brain (and the girl all around it), not to mention the questions that come flowing out of it.

Play strong, Grace. Play strong.

1. Has anyone gotten a concussion and couldn’t get up?

 

synapseI’m glad you did, lovey.

You might not remember the doctor’s explanation or mine, but your brain is like a big bunch of cauliflower floating around in, say, butter sauce. But, congealed butter. Mm. Roasted cauliflower with butter. But I digress.

When you take a knee to the side of your noggin, as you did, that butter sauce that is designed to buffer your brain isn’t enough to keep your brain from slamming against the inside of your skull.

It’s not pretty. Too many of those is really bad for your health.

Your question, though: Has anyone ever gotten a concussion, and couldn’t get up? As I said, I’m glad you did, lovey. Let’s leave it at that.

2. Why do people dressed as the Statue of Liberty stand by the road and wave?

photo credit: sniggie via photopin cc
photo credit: sniggie via photopin cc

Psh. Because the Statue of Liberty is French.

The ones you mean are Liberty Tax Service mascots.

They entice us to come in and have our taxes done. Sometimes, it’s Uncle Sam. Other times, it’s that stoic French lady – only it’s portrayed by a groovy dude with headphones in or nice lady swinging a sign that says “open late.”

They’re groovy human billboards, at a mere $8 an hour.

God bless America.

Check this dude out:

3. What’s the record for the longest baseball inning?

The one I extended to 30 minutes at Garinger High School with two in the outfield errors feels like it.

On May 8, 2004, the Detroit Tigers and Texas Rangers played a 31-run, 30-hit game that featured a record-breaking fifth inning.

Check out what happened in that inning:

  • Texas walked the first three batters of the inning on 20 pitches.
  • Detroit scored eight runs and faced 54 pitches in a half-inning.
  • Texas faced 56 pitches in their half of the inning, and scored 10 runs.
  • The line: 110 pitches, 18 runs, in 1 hour, 8 minutes.

Compared to that, I was stellar at Garinger.

4. When you have a nose ring, what do you do when you have to blow your nose?

nose piercedThe answer is, very carefully. I wanted to ask a new girl here at work how she does it, but because that would be our official first conversation, I decided against it.

According to Yahoo! Answers users, such as Amanda S., you should “be gentle and cautious” when you blow before the piercing heals. The user One Sexy Jeep Girl says her nose is pierced, and she’s always blown her nose normally. Which is more than I can say.

5. How much do mascots make?

I used to dream of being a mascot. I’d have done it for $50 per game and a plate of nachos.

Most NBA teams have mascots on the full-time payroll. They earn $40,000-$45,000, with benefits (dragon care, chicken insurance, etc.) If you’re funny, don’t hurt fans, and don’t insult Steve Irwin, as the Tampa Bay Rays mascot did, or run over an opposing team’s quarterback with a golf cart like the Tennessee Titans’ mascot did, you could probably make a pretty good life in this gig.

Then there’s heat exhaustion and the danger of running up and down stadium steps in an oversized donkey head with feet big as Ronald McDonald’s.

I’d have to ask for $75 and extra cheese on my nachos. I mean, that’s a concussion waiting to happen. Know what I mean, Grace?

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “Go Ask Daddy About Concussions, Baseball Records and Mascots On The Payroll”

  1. I love those people that dress up like statues – I can’t fathom how they stand so still. It’s pretty cool. We’ve been pretty lucky in the concussion dept, considering my kids have been playing contact sports all their lives, plus skiing and snowboarding. I on the other hand got one from falling on the ice a couple years ago. Go figure. Contact between me and the driveway. Driveway won. Glad your daughter is ok!

  2. Glad your girl is ok!! Awesome questions this week. Love the Statue of Liberty one.

    1. Me too. I swear, they’re giving me quite the clearinghouse of questions to answer. One, you’re going to absolutely love, but it’ll probably make you cry.

      I thin kit deserves its own post.

  3. Okay, I read the whole post but.

    Gah!

    Your daughter went down and she didn’t get up?

    *gasp*

    It’s a good thing you are a CoachDaddy. I read that and I think the butter in my brain kind of slammed around that cauliflower part. Thank goodness she’s okay.

    1. From what I could tell, she might have been knocked out on her way down, but woke up when she hit the ground. She didn’t make an effort to catch herself after impact.

      She did get up, but stumbled to me on the sideline, said she was dizzy, then her legs gave out and she collapsed in my arms.

      Horrifying, really. Trust me, it helped to write about it a little lightheartedly today. It’s kind of nightmare-inducing on its own.

      She’s back to her vivacious self, and ready to play again after doctors clear her.

      The whole thing makes my cauliflower ache a little!

  4. Freaking hilarious! Reminds me of Justin Timberlake on SNL playing the Cup-O-Soup on the street corner. Those folks inspire equal parts pity and awe. You have to be a pretty special person with fairly limited prospects to dress up as a plumber’s wrench (we have one of those locally). Coach – you always make me laugh. Cheers!

    1. It’s all made possible by questions from my kids. I missed Justin Timberlake’s Cup-O-Soup (I’m of the camp that believes JT is a much better comedian than a singer. There was a time not long ago I’d have stayed in line for hours to work a gig like that. As a preteen, I once dressed as a chicken for a friend’s business. I don’t know if I have the wherewithal to carry off the plumber’s wrench, however (or the plumber’s crack, incidentally.)

      Glad I could entertain – you always get me riled up!

  5. I did freeze modeling once upon a time at a local department store. basically they pay you wear their clothes, stand up on a platform that would normally be occupied by a mannequin, strike a pose and……don’t move a muscle. for at least 20 minutes. I can now say I know how it feels like to be one of those palace guards everyone tries to make laugh. yep, minimum wage. that’s what I get for putting “has live theatre experience” on my resume.
    although, no concussions, so that’s one less thing…right?

    1. So what if someone would have picked your nose or pinched your butt while you freeze modeled? I’d have an itch in the first 20 seconds, guaranteed. Were you allowed to itch?

      I wonder if Grace can put “concussion recipient” on her resume. They might make her stand still for 40 minutes.

  6. Who knew mascots had such a profitable gig? I’m glad your daughter is okay. I know you are too. It’s scary when they get hurt out there on the field.

    1. I left out the part about mascots being highly likely to suffer a heat-related or contact-with-concrete injury than the average occupation. Do you remember the Seattle Mariners moose busting an ankle while he roller-bladed in the Kingdome? Gruesome, and people probably though the compound fraction was part of the act.

      Thanks about my kid. She hated sitting on the sideline today! I think she’d be safer on the field than left to her own devices on everything else she can get on.

    1. Thanks Jen – the doctor cleared her today, so she’s back! If she has another concussion this year, they’ll shut her down for the season. Let’s hope she stays upright and healthy!

      The Statue of Liberty they see is a costumed person on the side of the road trying to get people to do business with Liberty Tax Service. They dance and wave, and I always honk at them.

      They’re more entertaining than the real Lady Liberty.

    1. I’m telling you Nelson, they have some great questions lined up already for future posts.

      It’s great to see her back to herself since the injury. And when it happened, it was like it was happening to someone else’s kid … it didn’t even seem real.

      She dribbled a basketball and soccer ball at the same time on Friday, while she carried a football under her arm. That was my first sign she was feeling better!

  7. My heart caught in my throat as I read about Grace’s injury. I watched my grand daughter get hurt at a soccer game last year (she was 7) and the coach, after determining she was just bruised, carried her off the field in his arms. I know what seeing that does to your head and gut. Glad Grace is ok.

    Loved the video clip! Still laughing. But my favorite was question #4. Mainly because I always wondered the same thing. 🙂

    1. It was surreal, when she came off the field dizzy and collapsed in my arms. I’ve carried a few players of the field too, one who’d just broken her arm – for the second time in two seasons. It’s a tough game out there! Even on those of us just watching from the sidelines.

      Glad you liked the clip! Always want to entertain here. I’d definitely catch a cold right afterward if I ever got my nose pierced. Without the nose ring, I wonder if stuff comes out all three holes.

Say what you need to say

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s