T-Swift? She’s aight.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. The girls know I’m quick to flip stations when many of her songs come on. That one about “you’re cheer captain/and I’m on the bleachers”? I like that one. But those others, especially the one that she makes a lot of the same noises … I Knew You Were Trouble!
Songs keep artists out of my inner circle. Katy Perry, with “Roar.” Ellie Goulding, with “Love Me Like You Do.” Pretty much anything by Nicki Minaj.
T-Swift? She’s aight. She’s better than aight. What she did for artists everywhere against the streaming music business is nothing short of bad-ass. But these three musical divas got her beat, in dad’s book. (Let me write this before I change my mind.)
BASIA | It’s a story for another day, but your dad snuck into her concert and got her autograph – onstage! She even held my hand and sang to me. Seriously! Time and Tide is probably my favorite song of hers.
DIANA KRALL | So soulful. She’s one of my dream concerts, definitely on our list. Just DK and a piano. So many favorites, but Let’s Fall in Love is tops.
NORAH JONES | The antidote to Kesha, really. The woman who wrote Come Away With Me, one of the greatest love songs ever, also wrote an amorous number about – her dog. Girlfriend has ZERO bad songs.
1. Didn’t Taylor Swift date John Mayer?
Yes she did – and that I knew that is a miracle in itself. I can’t even keep up with who the kids at work are dating at any given moment. (Or, talking to … isn’t that how you say it?)
Taylor dated John Mayer, for a hearty three months, enough time to produce breakup songs and fill tabloids. Mayer was almost as old as me (then 35) when he dated Swift (then 18). I’m a stats guy, so it stands to reason that I know that’s the biggest age gap between T-Swift and any high-profile love interest. (See how I qualified that?) Check out what else dad knows:
Mayer has won seven Grammy Awards – but none since his breakup with Swift.
Mayer inspired Swift to write “Dear John.” On her official website, Swift likened this song to a final email someone writes to someone they were in a relationship with, but don’t send. “I am pushing send,” she said. Mayer took exception, and lines in his single “Paper Doll” make references to Swift:
- “you’re like 22 girls in one,” perhaps in reference to Swift’s single, “22”
- “someone’s gonna paint you another sky.” Swift, in “Dear John,” sings that Mayer painted her a blue sky
2. Why is there a circle on that sign?
It’s a clever transparent depiction of a surf board. It’s commonly placed on pedestrian crossing signs, to make the Walking Joe look like Joe Surfer.
The best usage ever, though, is the one someone slapped on the goose crossing sign on Albemarle Road. Classic.
It doesn’t really matter that we’re 31/2 from Myrtle Beach.
Just gotta Shake It Off, though.
3. Why is octopus blood indigo?
Octopuses (yes, that’s an acceptable form of the plural) have super blood.
It’s super because it contains hemocyanin, a protein with copper atoms that bind with an equal number of oxygen atoms. This allows an octopus to survive at extreme temperatures. Hemocyanin gives octopus blood a blue hue. The blood works overtime, because octopuses have three hearts.
I don’t think they fall in love three times more often than your average one-heart cephalopod. Talk about a Love Story.
4. Is there such a thing as heat thunder?
Makes sense that heat thunder would accompany heat lighting, right?
But it doesn’t. Same as an octopus isn’t prone to love triangles (or would that be love squares?), it doesn’t add up here. When we see lightning from a distant storm, we’re all, “oo – heat lightning!” No such thing. It’s just far-off lightning. Light travels much farther than sound.
5. What do you do on jury duty?
You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.
There’s a chance when you’re summoned for jury duty that you’ll have to sit on an actual jury and hear evidence and not talk to anyone about what you’ve heard. It could take weeks or months and you can’t go back to work. Instead, you get a little paycheck from Uncle Sam for your troubles.
I’ve never even gotten close. And not getting close in Mecklenburg County resembles what I imagine would be the kind of prison Donald Trump would serve time in. I got to sit in comfy stadium seats, watch movies, play on my laptop, shoot pool and talk with other interesting detained citizens.
Close to 5 o’clock, they come in and tell you they won’t need you today, and that you won’t be summoned again for another two years. You’ll want to finish your popcorn and wrap up any billiards action, and hope there’s not much left in your movie. Say goodbye to friends.
And thank Jesus you live in America. It feels like Today Was a Fairytale.