Go Ask Daddy About Definitions, Thermoplastics and the Irony of the Swine on the Sign

photo credit: #4 Skate or die! via photopin (license)

Life needs a splash of color now and then.

Not always. I’ll still take my burger with cheese and bacon – and nothing else. Don’t let ketchup muddle up a piece of art. I like traditional pizza toppings – keep the barbecue chicken and sun-dried tomatoes on your California pie, mate. Notre Dame’s helmet. Acoustic anything.

Yet, those splashes, you know?

It’s just a dab of product in your hair. Vanilla in your waffles. (Just a capful, especially when you add a tablespoon of brown sugar.) It’s blue duct tape holding one headlight on my white Grand-Am. (That’s badass.)

It’s a 2-foot tall Darth Vader presiding over my desk.

A splash is just what I need most days. Not a cupful, not a dollop. Just, a splash. It’s craving a brownie after meditation. Or feeling moved during shavasana. It’s peace found in an unexpected corner. A shot of cherry in your Coke Zero.

It’s anything but mundane.

Better yet, a shot of rum in your Coke Zero.

It’s a loving text from a daughter or one jumping into your arms when they see you. It’s anything but mundane.

1. What does mundane mean?

I’m glad you asked.

It’s defined as “lacking interest or excitement; dull.” It’s also “of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one.” In that case, even my vanilla and post-meditation brownies fall short.

In Buddhist prayers, we allude to mountains of jewels, which feel about as un-mundane as it gets. Also, shavasana and a little rum feel a bit elevated from earthly, if you ask me.

2. What did those college kids at Oklahoma do?

They shamed their campus, their fraternity, and they showed their ass.

Not just a racist chant. An inhumane, utterly despicable chant.

It happened in 2015. Frat boys rode a bus at the University of Oklahoma to a party. Rather than shoot the bull over the Sooners’ football season, they busted out a racist chant. Not just a racist chant. An inhumane, utterly despicable chant.

The student newspaper received a video by email of the chant, and ran with it.

I don’t think it’s typical of the University of Oklahoma. I don’t think it’s widespread among Greek life on campus. It for sure isn’t indicative of how any white folks I know feel.

Those college kids got into the headlines and set back race relations for a few news cycles. Which sucks. I see people every day, at work, on the soccer field, in the blog world, who practice acceptance and collaboration seamlessly.

3. What are those white stripes that go across the road?

Consider it a tournament for street paint.

Departments of Transportation sometimes slap on a few stripes of different paints, and let the cars roll by. They test them for durability and visibility. They test them in yellow and in white.

They’re thermoplastic paints. They’re applied hot or cold, and can take a beating. It takes about two seasons to determine whether the paint can advance to the finals.

4. Does milk rot?

It’s anything but mundane to pour a splash and a half of milk that has exceeded its expiration date into a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

Milk doesn’t rot, it spoils. Rot refers to the deterioration of animals or vegetables, although deterioration of common decency of a handful of frat boys certainly is rotten, too.

It’s anything but mundane to pour a splash and a half of milk that has exceeded its expiration date into a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

It’s not good to leave the jug of milk out, girls. When daddy did it, at least it was a midnight snack at 4 a.m. So that’s just a couple of hours on the counter, you know?

Milk lives best in the back of the fridge, where it’s coolest, away from the bright lights of the fridge. It’s a good idea not to go play disc golf and grab a Jumbo Jack and two tacos at Jack in the Box after you’ve bought a gallon of milk at the Aldi.

5. Why do they have pictures of pigs on barbecue restaurant signs?

Because we Americans are sick.

Sadistic? Maybe. Or pigs on barbecue restaurant signs are trying to save their own hides by fronting.

We’re sick, but we’re more hungry than sick. Pigs on barbecue signs, especially those smiling in aprons and chef’s hats, either have no clue of their inclusion on the menu, or they know, and do it anyway.

Sadistic? Maybe. Or they’re trying to save their own hides by fronting.

The pig on a barbecue restaurant sign with a spatula? Kind of mundane. The pig on a barbecue restaurant sign with a spatula and an evil grin? There’s some splash.

 Now I’m hungry.

---

WHAT WOULD YOU ASK A BOY: Do you have questions to ask a boy? Anything from hygiene to loyalty. I”ll answer all your questions, but only if you send them to me at bloggingeli@gmail.com. Just include in the subject line ASK A BOY.