Go Ask Daddy About Definitions, Thermoplastics and the Irony of the Swine on the Sign


photo credit: #4 Skate or die! via photopin (license)
photo credit: #4 Skate or die! via photopin (license)

Life needs a splash of color now and then.

GAD GRAPHICNot always. I’ll still take my burger with cheese and bacon – and nothing else. Don’t let ketchup muddle up a piece of art. I like traditional pizza toppings – keep the barbecue chicken and sun-dried tomatoes on your California pie, mate. Notre Dame’s helmet. Acoustic anything.

Yet, those splashes, you know?

It’s just a dab of product in your hair. Vanilla in your waffles. (Just a capful, especially when you add a tablespoon of brown sugar.) It’s blue duct tape holding one headlight on my white Grand-Am. (That’s badass.)

It’s a 2-foot tall Darth Vader presiding over my desk.

A splash is just what I need most days. Not a cupful, not a dollop. Just, a splash. It’s craving a brownie after meditation. Or feeling moved during shavasana. It’s peace found in an unexpected corner. A shot of cherry in your Coke Zero.

It’s anything but mundane.

Better yet, a shot of rum in your Coke Zero.

It’s a loving text from a daughter or one jumping into your arms when they see you. It’s anything but mundane.

1. What does mundane mean?

I’m glad you asked.

It’s defined as “lacking interest or excitement; dull.” It’s also “of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one.” In that case, even my vanilla and post-meditation brownies fall short.

In Buddhist prayers, we allude to mountains of jewels, which feel about as un-mundane as it gets. Also, shavasana and a little rum feel a bit elevated from earthly, if you ask me.

2. What did those college kids at Oklahoma do?

They shamed their campus, their fraternity, and they showed their ass.

Not just a racist chant. An inhumane, utterly despicable chant.

It happened in 2015. Frat boys rode a bus at the University of Oklahoma to a party. Rather than shoot the bull over the Sooners’ football season, they busted out a racist chant. Not just a racist chant. An inhumane, utterly despicable chant.

The student newspaper received a video by email of the chant, and ran with it.

I don’t think it’s typical of the University of Oklahoma. I don’t think it’s widespread among Greek life on campus. It for sure isn’t indicative of how any white folks I know feel.

Those college kids got into the headlines and set back race relations for a few news cycles. Which sucks. I see people every day, at work, on the soccer field, in the blog world, who practice acceptance and collaboration seamlessly.

3. What are those white stripes that go across the road?

Consider it a tournament for street paint.

Departments of Transportation sometimes slap on a few stripes of different paints, and let the cars roll by. They test them for durability and visibility. They test them in yellow and in white.

They’re thermoplastic paints. They’re applied hot or cold, and can take a beating. It takes about two seasons to determine whether the paint can advance to the finals.

4. Does milk rot?

It’s anything but mundane to pour a splash and a half of milk that has exceeded its expiration date into a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

Milk doesn’t rot, it spoils. Rot refers to the deterioration of animals or vegetables, although deterioration of common decency of a handful of frat boys certainly is rotten, too.

It’s anything but mundane to pour a splash and a half of milk that has exceeded its expiration date into a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

It’s not good to leave the jug of milk out, girls. When daddy did it, at least it was a midnight snack at 4 a.m. So that’s just a couple of hours on the counter, you know?

Milk lives best in the back of the fridge, where it’s coolest, away from the bright lights of the fridge. It’s a good idea not to go play disc golf and grab a Jumbo Jack and two tacos at Jack in the Box after you’ve bought a gallon of milk at the Aldi.

5. Why do they have pictures of pigs on barbecue restaurant signs?

Because we Americans are sick.

Sadistic? Maybe. Or pigs on barbecue restaurant signs are trying to save their own hides by fronting.

We’re sick, but we’re more hungry than sick. Pigs on barbecue signs, especially those smiling in aprons and chef’s hats, either have no clue of their inclusion on the menu, or they know, and do it anyway.

Sadistic? Maybe. Or they’re trying to save their own hides by fronting.

The pig on a barbecue restaurant sign with a spatula? Kind of mundane. The pig on a barbecue restaurant sign with a spatula and an evil grin? There’s some splash.

 Now I’m hungry.


WHAT WOULD YOU ASK A BOY: Do you have questions to ask a boy? Anything from hygiene to loyalty. I”ll answer all your questions, but only if you send them to me at bloggingeli@gmail.com. Just include in the subject line ASK A BOY.

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25 Replies to “Go Ask Daddy About Definitions, Thermoplastics and the Irony of the Swine on the Sign”

  1. And there is the shot of rum in the Coke Zero 🙂 I’m with you ( and Janine) about keeping it simple. I like my food plain. I’ll splash a bit of ketchup and mustard and cheese on my burger, but that’s about it. A shot of Canadian Club in my Coke? Yes, please. It’s Friday, make it a double.

    1. You knew it would make an appearance, Eric. I put stuff in my burger meat, so you don’t have to douse it with stuff.

      I’ve put mayo, ketchup, oatmeal, eggs, salsa (that didn’t go over well!), and more in my burgers.

      1. Cheese and peppers in is good too. But ya gotta be careful not to put too much or it won’t hold together. It’ll fall apart like my O’s spring training games.

  2. I like my coke zero with a splash of Grenadine 🙂
    or a dash of Stone’s Green Ginger wine in a beer (don’t mock it until you try it)
    There’s nothing worse than pouring milk into your coffee and seeing “floaters” 😮
    The frat boys? Name them and shame them and send them back to grade school for a year to learn some basic manners.
    Lamb leg or pork on the rotisserie of a BBQ, slow cooked for 3-4 hours…mouthwateringly good!

    1. I’d give that a go, Lyn. Even the green ginger. Ew, floaters doesn’t sound too appetizing. Good think I don’t like coffee, either.

      It’s just hard to fathom that in 2015, chants are still learned like that.

      I’ll take the pork – never had lamb leg, because it’s hard to eat something you find cute.

  3. What – barbecue chicken isn’t a traditional pizza topping? I guess I won’t have to suggest pineapple in that case 😉
    Note to self: don’t visit Eli’s blog when hungry. I always leave here, wanting a burger or something…
    Have a nice weekend!

  4. Frat boys suffer from a pack mentality often — I speak from experience. Get one of those boys alone and willing to actually Talk, and you’d see a different side. Which probably says a lot about how we are raising young men these days. Still – deplorable behaviour.

    Ever watch the 3 Little Pigs cartoon on Disney? In one of the pigs’ homes there is a picture of sausages on the wall. Which makes me also question how we are raising Disney animators. LOL

    1. It extends way beyond the frats, doesn’t it Les? When we’re in the pack, we lose a bit of sense of self.

      I wish there were a course for boys to learn to be men. If only they had a little influence, someone who cares how they turn out.

      Funny about the sausage! Nice touch, Disney. Did you find it in one of those link-bait posts about things you won’t BELIEVE are in Disney movies?

      1. I’ve never been one to follow the pack and I hope I pass that trait on. And I am pretty certain there are a few good men left to show the way to being a gentleman. I know I got one, and I know you will teach your girls how to spot one too. 🙂

        I spied that little tidbit with my very own eyes. I still have Disney movies on VHS. I wonder if it is still in the new releases?

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