Go Ask Daddy About Sponsorship Deals, Light-up Skyscrapers and the meaning of LMAO

photo credit: #61/366 Help Standing via photopin (license)
photo credit: #61/366 Help Standing via photopin (license)

This post isn’t sponsored.

GAD GRAPHICEndorsements find their way into every other bit of life, though. The girls cannot wear Adidas to practice because Nike sponsors our club. My former club went from Puma to Under Armor, and out went all that old gear. (Puma suited me better, by the way.)

In NASCAR, everything has sponsorship attached.

I’ve told the tales of my early days at Friday and Saturday night short tracks in North Carolina. I hoped the night’s sponsor made food. If they did, I ate. If not? Well, one Friday, I could have a free Wix filter if I wanted it.

One week, there was plenty of Coors Light,but not even a cocktail weenie.

Think Taco Bell would sponsor me if I got into the NASCAR as a driver?

1. Why do they use Adidas in the World Cup?

photo credit: +Teamgeist via photopin (license)
photo credit: +Teamgeist via photopin (license)

It’s not to make the Germans feel at home.

Adidas sponsors Germany’s national teams, and, more importantly, FIFA, soccer’s world governing body. Adidas also sponsors players, such as Argentinian star Lionel Messi. With FIFA sown up with Adidas, Nike targeted star players and Brazil, which hosted the most recent men’s World Cup.

While the competitive gap between top four national teams Argentina, Belgium, Germany and Colombia can be measured in yards not miles, Adidas and Nike seem to be the big dogs when it comes to slapping sponsorship on the game.

2. Elise’s music is loud. Won’t that damage her ears?

photo credit: Bottomless Coffee via photopin (license)
photo credit: Bottomless Coffee via photopin (license)


(I tried that when they called me to my hearing test in fifth grade. If you were there, you either thought it was hysterical or revolting. Sheesh. Try and have a little fun in Ms. Gunby’s class … )

We used to turn the volume up too high on Sony Walkmans. The hardware might have changed, but the result hasn’t. A report at Beltone.com says one in five teens have impaired their hearing with earbuds. (No word on whether you’re more likely to do bad with Bruno Mars or Lorie Line turned up too high.)

Elise isn’t the only one. Beltone.com suggests the 60-60 rule: No more than 60% volume for no more than 60 minutes. (I check in at 57%, but I’ve had the buds in all day.)

Who knows what my Walkman was set at back in the day for all those REO Speedwagon tapes.

Because earbuds sit so close to your inner ear, they carry an audio signal nine decibels higher than earmuff-style headphones. The difference in nine decibel is the same as between a dinner bell and a lawnmower.

Maybe I should request a catalog while I’m here. Or two.

3. How do they change the lights on the Duke Energy building?

There’s a team in charge – but the actual operation isn’t all that magical.

A program on a laptop computer inside the Charlotte skyscraper adjusts the light colors and patterns. It takes 45,730 LED lights to light up the night right next to Bank of America Stadium, home of the Carolina Panthers.

There’s a short light show at the top of every hour.

It’s not expensive to light it up, either – about $3 an hour. It’s usually lit up in colors to commemorate the Panthers on game day or to raise awareness of community events. You can even request a color scheme by email, at CharlotteSpecialEvents@wellsfargo.com.

I wonder if they’d notice a request for blue and orange when the Broncos come to town. (The tower even has it’s own Twitter handle: @dukeenergybldg.)

4. Is “River Monsters” real?

It has its detractors, but it looks as if the adventures of Jeremy Wade belong in the non-fiction section.

Along with Grace’s undying admiration, host Jeremy Wade carries a double dose of knowledge and foolishness into some of the murkiest waters on the planet. Animal Planet renewed it for an eighth season. Two more, and it’ll catch up with Friends.

Plus, Jeremy Wade could kick Chandler’s and Joey’s asses with one hand in an eel’s mouth.

5. What does LMAO mean?

Grace is chicken.
Grace is chicken.

Little Men of the Australian Outback?Or the Latvian Manatee and Armadillo Observatory, perhaps?

I think you asked this just to make me write about it. It stands for Laughing My Arse Off. You can use Ass in America and Guam, I think. Personally, I’ve never laughed my ass off. I’ve worked my ass off – this one time, my sight got on blurry after a few long shifts in a row as a stocker at Food Lion during college.

I froze my ass off a few times – like playing in the marching band during a parade in Estes Park on a night so cold my saxophone froze.

Charles Dickens began a similar trend in the 1840s – on the other end of the body. He wrote in a letter to a friend that he’d “written his head off.” Soon people began to laugh their heads off. You could scream or yawn your head off, too.

Norman Mailer in his book The Naked and the Dead wrote, “I work my ass off at the club, and what does it get me?”

A decade later, in the 1950s, Holden Caulifield wrote in one of my favorite books, The Catcher in the Rye: “It ends up with everybody at this long dinner table laughing their asses off …”

It’s a phenomenon, verbing your [insert body part here] off. What’s next? I’m not sure, but I imagine Jeremy Wade has probably come closer to losing his actual ass than I have.

lmao quote


  1. ksbeth says:

    live my ass over. (really just keep living for awhile longer) jklfal.

  2. I had totally forgotten about the Holden Caufield connection with LMAO and seriously awesome connection here today as that is still one of my all time favorites.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I hope you laugh your ass off today.

    2. Eli Pacheco says:

      To this day I still have never used the terms LOL or LMAO or LMFAO or ROFL or any of that.

  3. Lyn says:

    They (the sponsors) wouldn’t like me very much, I’m strictly a no name brand with my sneakers. As for LMAO, I favour Little Men of the Australian Outback But, how about FOCRAFLMAOPMP? 😀

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      K-mart could have sponsored me as a kid, head to toe. Even my baseball mitt.

      What is FOCRAFLMAOPMP?

      1. Lyn says:

        Fall off chair, roll around floor, laughing my ass off, peeing my pants. 😀

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        PMP must be the acronym we must make better use of, pronto, Lyn.

  4. Kim says:

    Didn’t almost everyone have some hearings damage from something? Okay, so I didn’t use ear buds as a teen, but that’s only because I couldn’t find any to fit in my teeny ears.

    I did find some last year. I finally see the appeal. 🙂 I’ll stick to lol’ing.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      We did, Kim. Our parents too, with their FM stereos. Boomers.

      I’m not cool enough for a pair of Beats.

  5. tamaralikecamera says:

    My dad’s softball team used to be sponsored by Art Magic – my mom’s art school.
    It was wicked cute. Sometimes a little sponsorship never hurts anyone, but you know my feelings on that.
    As for Elise’s hearing, it really depends on what she’s listening to!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That’s a softball cap I’d love to have – I bet it was a trucker-style mesh hat, wasn’t it? I sure could use a sponsor once in a while.

      Sometimes, Elise listens to something cool, like ELO or Paul McCartney and Wings. I think those are safer than the Screamo stuff she was into for a short time. (And it’s 11 times better than Nicki Minaj.

  6. NotAPunkRocker says:

    OK, M just put in an application to be a Food Lion food stocker (and one at Aldi too). Since he already has a 28″ waist, I’m gonna have to invest in high-calorie protein shakes for him, aren’t I?

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Food Lion will work him hard, that’s for sure. They did back in the day. It’s the first job I had where my days were so long my vision got blurry.

      Aldi would be cool, I think. You just open up the box and put it on the shelf! And collect all the boxes. And it’s a smaller store. I’d go there.

  7. Oh, man! Little Men of the Australian Outback. That’s so much better! 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That line needed an illustration, I feel now, looking back.

  8. Rorybore says:

    Our sport teams are usually sponsored by Tim Horton’s : coffee and donuts thank you very much. Any company that knows what tired moms really want on bitterly cold Canadian winter dawn mornings of hockey practice, gets my eternal devotion.
    And then FILA – because they used Chris Evans/Captain America in their latest ad campaign. That’s a nice thing on cold mornings too 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Which would you pick – Cap or coffee?

      1. Rorybore says:

        that’s just evil – why would you do that? 😉

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        theoretical, that’s all.

  9. mocadeaux says:

    I didn’t bother with earphones (earbuds weren’t yet “a thing”) while blasting REO Speedwagon’s Riding the Storm Out over and over and over and over again. My roommates loved me.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That first synthesizer part is killer, though! Not to be listened to at level 2.

  10. laurie27wsmith says:

    G’day Mate, it’s great to see you haven’t lost your touch, blogwise, in my absence. Hearing loss? A bank of 15 Claymore mines going off at once stuffed my left ear. LMAO, how about Loving My Ass Off?

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Look what the tradewinds brought in. Mate, it’s great to see you. We must catch up. Life’s taken some turns.

      Loving my ass off sounds like something I could really get … behind. (See what I did there?)

      1. laurie27wsmith says:

        Yeah, you open your door and all the old rubbish blows right in. Great to be here, your page is looking good. Drop me a line and bring me up to date. Yes, I saw what you did there. Just make sure you don’t laugh to hard at your joke and your ass drops off. 😉

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Thanks mate. Look forward to catching up. Hope your sabbatical served you well, too.

  11. I am guilty of using LOL, LMAO and ROFL because my son will text me a gif that makes us both laugh and the first time I typed out HA, he scolded me. Have to maintain a level of “cool mom” if I want him to continue to speak to me. As for earbuds, I am guilty of using those too. I think I need help…? HA!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Ha! is 735 times cooler than LOL, LMAO or ROLF combined!

  12. One of my superpower skills is my hearing – I’m the person to have along if you want to eavesdrop on conversations. So no extra loud music for me. In fact I have my own message shorthand STNEB – stop the noise, ears bleeding! I call it invoking Saint Nib. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      We must protect your gift. Earmuffs, maybe?

  13. I like “LMAOROTF”

    Aaawww, the good ol’ walkman. On one of my student jobs the noise at the factory was so loud, I was listening to Bryan Adams even more loudly. I had regular headphones though.

    Duke Energy Center? Love the light show! I was gonna scold my friend for not taking me there when I visited. Good thing I looked it up first. It wasn’t even built back then 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That’s a lot of laugh action, Tamara. The Walkman was the bomb – I even had one I could strap to my arm for all those hundreds of running miles I logged. (Or, fell asleep listening to George Michael, either/0r.)

      Cool building, huh? You can see it from inside the Carolina Panthers stadium, too.

  14. brittabottle says:

    These questions just keep getting better and better, Eli. This is probably one of my favorite features in the world of blogging for just that reason. 🙂

    Hope there aren’t river monsters in Thailand. Oh man, that thing looks unpleasant!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I have to give the girls credit for the questions. Do you know I have more than 400 in the hopper to choose from every week? Glad you liked them!

      Oh, we asked Jeremy Wade to clear stuff out where you’re going. That thing does look unpleasant – and Jeremy just laid on top of it like it was a beanbag! Dude’s nuts.

      1. brittabottle says:

        True, true, I guess they deserve the credit for that. I believe it, though! They seem like quite inquisitive young ladies.
        Whew, hope Jeremy can get there in time! Well, I guess someone’s gotta be into weird stuff like that.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        It’s definitely his calling – there’s an episode where he stands in waders among dozens of eels to see what they’d do. (He got bit repeatedly.)

  15. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    Holy crap. I almost don’t want to go to the beach. Also LOL to LMAO. and LOVE love love your questions and answers. Brilliant.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      As if shark attacks weren’t the only reason to stay out of the water. Just don’t go in past your ankles, Kristi.

      Well played on the LOL. I didn’t know LMAO had such history. NPR says we don’t use those acronyms as much anymore, though.

      It’s always an adventure with these questions. You should see some of them in the list …

  16. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

    I love these! Kids really do ask the darnedest questions and your answers are always great!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Lisa! These kids’ questions are the most formidable challenges. I just try to keep up.

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