Go Ask Daddy About Dubious Currency, Censored Lyrics and Munchy Emergencies


Just call Grace the big spender.

GAD GRAPHICWe two perused the gift shop at a Greensboro Grasshoppers game on Independence Day. On daddy/daughter dates, I’d usually spring for a little somethin’ somethin’, so long as it didn’t get too pricey. Today, though, the kid came fully funded.

Or so she thought.

Grace snapped up a pack of Grasshoppers tattoos. Before I could fish my wallet out of my cargo pants, Grace tossed a gold coin on the counter. “This ought to cover it,” you could near her thinking. “Keep the change.”

The bewildered cashier inspected the coin, one side, then the next.

“I’m sorry dear,” she said, unable to hide the smile. “We don’t take Euros!”

Kid’s worldy. Gotta give her that.

1. Why don’t they make two-dollar bills anymore?

photo credit: Couple of Bucks via photopin (license)
photo credit: Couple of Bucks via photopin (license)

They still do. And as of posting time, a two-dollar bill’s exchange rate would be 1.77 Euros.

Known as “Toms” because of Thomas Jefferson’s mug on them, two-dollar bills debuted in 1862. So too did the one-dollar bill. Folks weren’t sold on paper money for a while, though. They’re still printed today, but only when the Secretary of the Treasury orders them.

After the Great Depression, two bucks became a dubious price point. Politicians used the bills as bribery for votes. A Tom also covered expenses for a bet at the track and, get this, a trick from a lady of the night.

So Johns used Toms in scandalous ways.

Today, it’s probably not even enough for a pack of Grasshoppers tats.

2. How can wool be virgin?

photo credit: Standing Out From The Crowd via photopin (license)
photo credit: Standing Out From The Crowd via photopin (license)

By waiting for love.

The similarities to other virgin stuff (you know, like olive oil) are close enough to make dad scratch the back of his head a couple of times as he writes this. Virgin wool comes from the first time a lamb gets sheared.

That wool proves the softest and highest quality the sheep will ever produce. Also, wool never used for anything before could be considered virgin. Adult sheep can produce virgin wool, given that it’s not been processed, used or woven before.

Sacks Fifth Avenue sells this virgin wool military jacket for just $3,550. That’s only 1,775 two-dollar bills, if you’re scoring at home.

3. Did they take ‘bullet’ and ‘gun’ out of the song “Pumped Up Kicks”?

photo credit: 357 Mag Ammo via photopin (license)
photo credit: 357 Mag Ammo via photopin (license)

Foster the People’s song debuted in 2011. Many radio stations pulled it from rotation after the Sandy Hook school shooting a year later.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

You better run, better run, outrun my gun

Lead singer Mark Foster told CNN the song addresses teenage mental illness.

“I was scared to see where the pattern was headed if we didn’t start changing the way we were bringing up the next generation,” said Foster, an advocate for stricter gun control.

Foster the People bass player Cubbie Fink said his cousin was at Columbine High in Colorado for the 1999 shooting. “To be able to have a song to talk about this stuff has been good for us,” Fink said.

4. Do you pour a pitcher with your left hand?

photo credit: bodum II via photopin (license)
photo credit: bodum II via photopin (license)

You know how many times I pretended to pour a pitcher to figure out this answer?

I’m left-handed. If the pitcher is heavy, I’ll use my left hand. If I’m pouring into a large cup, though, I’ll pour with my right, so I can secure the cup. When I attempt to text with one hand, it’s my right. Why is that? I eat cookies with my right, I think.

Probably so I can protect against thieves with my dominant hand.

5. Will firemen turn their sirens on for a taco sale?

photo credit: cabeza taco via photopin (license)
photo credit: cabeza taco via photopin (license)

We might have just discovered the primary reason I could never serve as a firefighter.

Taco sales aren’t technically emergencies. Firefighters can, though, drive trucks for taco runs, within their designated response territory. They’ll deploy lights and sirens only when in response to an emergency call, though. I won’t even speed for a taco sale. And you know I love tacos.

Not even for One Euro Taco Night Santa Maria Eastside.

tacos quote

67 thoughts on “Go Ask Daddy About Dubious Currency, Censored Lyrics and Munchy Emergencies

  1. Great post with a continuing thread running through it about money and spending. Throwing in virgin wool, tacos snd a few other odds and ends. . . Eli, just like I like a post: Never boring! 🙂

  2. So funny. I remember my grandfather giving us a Clinton three dollar bill and telling us not to spend it in one place, because not one place would take it. Go Hunter S. Thompson. Thank you again, ladies.

    1. Thanks. I hope we’re using Clinton bills to pay Iran with this new deal. Hunter S. Thompson is good for a quote, right?

      Between him and my kids, this one’s covered. All I had to do was type.

  3. Never come across a Euro, but we sometimes find New Zealand coins in our change, or even in the money we buy something with. Shops don’t even bother looking because our $1 and $2 coins look almost the same. That’s interesting about pouring, I usually pour with my left hand but use my right hand for the electric kettle — probably because it sits on the right hand side of the kitchen counter. I hold my coffee mug in my right hand. LOL probably so I can still write with my left 🙂

    1. We have a box of foreign currency and always think every other nation has cooler money than we do.

      So you could give a dollar coin for a 1.59 purchase and get away with it?

      That pitcher question had me observing everything I did and with which hand. I’m not as left-handed as I imagined.

      1. LOL not quite. They don’t look at the wording on the coin i.e. Australia or New Zealand and our coins are the same size. The end user probably loses, because the NZ dollar is only worth 89 cents Australian.

  4. And now you know why I could never be a fireman either. Damn tacos! But seriously, I still have a collection of two dollar bills somewhere that my dad started for me, but seriously sad that they are not worth much nowadays. Still can’t part with them as they do have sentimental value if nothing else.

    1. You’d think firefighters could go to the front of the line for a taco sale. Seems legit. Dads and grandparents always gave out Toms, didn’t they?

      And you never wanted to spend them. In retail, when I’d get one, I’d want to put two singles in the drawer and take home the Tom. Same with dollar coins and even half dollars, because that seems like the kind of shit my dad and grandpas used to spend.

  5. I have been away for far too long, Eli.
    Thank you for such an enlightening set of answered questions.
    Psst: I’m actually in my office today – I may FINALLY get you those bloggy questions I owe you!

    1. I figured you’re busy watching good baseball, Michelle. The universe gave us the questions batch – all I did was put some answers to them!

      Look forward to those bloggy questions. I have to take a look at the guest post calendar and make sure everything’s good.

      1. What I’ve been watching with the Rockies can’t honestly be called baseball. Are you going to write about this home-run grab? Is there youtube coverage of it somewhere?

  6. Oh I love the resourcefulness of your daughter. That’s exactly what mine would do, although it’s interesting to see how different your children are when it comes to money. One spends as soon as he earns, one saves and almost never spends and the other is in between and has been known to spend beyond her means! I’ve never heard of two dollar notes, but we used to have one pound notes and on a recent trip to the Channel Islands, it was strange because they still use them over there. With notes, you feel richer somehow.

    I’m left handed and I too use both hands to do things. I think it might be because we were never given left handed anything, so we’ve had to learn how to use right handed gadgets. Strangely, I can’t use scissors in my left hand at all.

    1. She’s worldly, Nikki. My girls are way more generous with their things than I was. I think we were raised to feel like ours was ours, and if you can get some of theirs when they’re not looking, take that too.

      When I waited tables, I had fewer wads of paper notes and more jingle of coins. Not a good trade off, it turns out.

      My dad threw right-handed for precisely that reason. They tried to “fix” him of his left-handedness.

      I think scissors are made to use only with your right hand, unless they’re special. So, it’s not you, it’s the scissors, Nikki. Feel better?

  7. Thanks for throwing in a great song for a Friday. I’ll have those ‘pumped up kicks’ stuck in my head all day. (And really related to nothing, I once listened to a ‘Foster the People’ Pandora station. It was pretty good.

    1. It is a good tune, isn’t it? I remember when Marie said it was one of her favorites, and I was concerned for about 4 seconds. Not long.

      I don’t think I’ve heard another Foster the People song. Good stuff?

  8. We no longer have $1 or $2 bills…and our other bills are “plastic”! I remember the first time my Dad showed me a C-note and let me hold it. Firefighters also let the sirens sing during the Santa Claus parade and when I’d visit my Dad at the station! I spent many happy hours in and on those trucks and the kid in me still stares (with a goofy grin on my face) every time one drives by! 🙂

    1. What the? Does Canada have those hologram or see-through bills? I got a Canadian bill with robins on it as a tip once. Still have it.

      Good stuff about the parade. Here’s hoping the kid in us never goes away.

      1. We have loony ($1) and toony ($2) coins and yes, hologram/see through bills – that can survive washing and drying! Your bill is probably the last version of a $2 bill. With the exchange, it’s not worth $2 any more! 🙂

  9. Pumped Up Kicks is Scarlet’s favorite song! We never discuss..more than the melody.
    Scarlet is left-handed and pours with right. I’m right-handed and pour with left.
    Wonders never cease.

  10. I really like Foster the People.

    M is left handed but does almost everything right (except for write). I am right handed and do almost everything left (except for right). I would tell you the answer to the pitcher question, but I think I am overthinking it now. Next time I am in a situation where I need to actually pour something, I will try to take note and report back.

    1. I don’t know any of their other songs, but I like this one. Maybe like Tamara and Scarlet, you and M balance out the universe. I definitely felt I’d skewed the findings by practicing with a psuedo-pitcher for at least 20 minutes. Let me know your findings.

  11. Virgin wool! Interesting. I did not know that and I’m a knitter!

    I’m sitting in the lunch room picking the containers and pouring them with my left and right hand. I’m right handed so now I’ve just gone an confussed myself as to which hand I should be pouring with. Hmm… the left feels right.
    Maybe my whole life has been a lie!!!!!!

    1. It’s a thing! You just never know what you’re going to get with these girls. Wonder how much more expensive it would be for knitting.

      Maybe pitcher-pouring will become a think like the Bucket Challenge or planking. We all really need to know which hand we use for this.

      Go Ask Daddy should come with a disclaimer that it might alter your life forever from this point, any of these answers. Woah.

  12. Your “Go Ask Daddy” posts are like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolate: you never know what you’re gonna get 🙂

    Virgin wool? Never heard of it before. For a brief moment I thought I should save for a sweater! Oh wait, I just spent my Swiss Francs on a fancy purse 😉

    Where did Grace get her Euros from?

    1. It’s wide-open, Tamara. Where my girls heard about virgin wool I’ll never know. But it’s kind of expensive!

      We have a box of foreign currency, including a fist full of euros, but I’m not sure where they came from. Beside from Europe, obviously. But there are really cool coins from all over the world, too. and even some notes.

  13. I love that Pumped up Kicks song. I’m glad they used the song to talk about gun control and teen mental health.

    I had no idea that the $2 bill was used for bribing votes. But I totally get the kiddos sense of money being to good to buy whatever you want. My niece earns some for chores and it’s like it’s burning a hole in her pocket she can’t wait to spend it. But then she runs around the store and asks “Do I have enough for this? Do I have enough for this?” Sometimes I swear she’s just wanting to buy something – anything. She picked up an egg timer once. What the heck would a 6 year old do with an egg timer?

    1. Pumped Up Kicks reminds me of when you can say awful things to a cat, but if it’s in a sweet voice, it’s okay. That’s the same, right?

      The $2 bill has quite a history. Bribes and prostitutes kind of fall in the same category, I suppose.

      My kids sometimes want to spend like certain politicians, too. But I’ve been proud when they have cash and want to give it to their siblings, or pay for stuff for them. I wasn’t like that as a kid.

      An egg timer! Maybe it was to time how quickly she can spend her money. Go!

  14. We got Loonies and Toonies up here. and yes it’s still weird to me, plus I need a separate “change” wallet because those suckers are heavy if you get enough of them saved. A typical wallet with change compartment is way too small once they are squeezed in there with quarters, nickels and dimes…. but no pennies. we don’t need no stinkin pennies.
    We have to store our guns and bullets in separate lock safes up here.
    kinda like my paper money and coins. 🙂

    1. I thought Loonies and Toonies were just supporters and opposition to former Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

      Any compartment in anything I own that is dedicated to holding money has gone unused for longer than the oakland raiders’ trophy case.

  15. We no longer have a one and two dollar bill Mate, although I have one of each in a photo album. They’re all crisp and new. We have gold coloured coins to replace them. I still prefer the notes and unlike your currency our notes are all different colours. Great blog again.

      1. History indeed Mate. The notes had kangaroos too along with aboriginal paintings. yeah, get here when you’re ready. I bet a taco would have you here quicker.

      2. The same as your’s Mate, there’re some good Mexican restaurants around the place. Now listen very, very carefully old son, it’s Fourex. The beer that Queenslander’s drink.

      3. Now you’re talking Mate. I don’t drink much at all anymore, so when I do I like to pick a good beer and have two of them.

      4. It would be a great time Mate. I’m sure we could shoot enough bull shit to fertilise the garden. I tend to rabbit on a bit too and tell jokes and smile at the ladies……..

  16. So, over the weekend I typed out this long, well versed comment here on my phone which is no easy task due to screen size, only to discover my internet was behaving poorly because we were up the in mountains and it never actually got a signal. I got a “connection failed”… sigh.

    Anyway, two dollar bills make excellent gifts for a 2 years old 🙂
    And one can never, EVER have too many tacos!

    1. It just wasn’t meant to be, Tiff. Two-dollar bills seem to be the gift-stuff of uncles and grandpas especially.

      I can’t believe when I was 12 I could eat 12 tacos … really, two, maybe three tops, and I’m done now.

      What happened to me?

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