#AtoZChallenge: U is for Unanswered Questions for Go Ask Daddy

photo credit: May the Force Be With You via photopin (license)

Each draft pick in pro sports has such an impact on the franchise that picks the player, the player, of course, and also the players picked before and after.

Take the 1988 NFL Draft, for instance. The Indianapolis Colts selected Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning. He gave the franchise quick cred, won a Super Bowl, and helped the Denver Broncos to a title at the end of his career. They couldn’t make their mind up until … draft day.

The other choice? Washington State quarterback Ryan Leaf, who went No. 2 to the San Diego Chargers.

They were considered an even match, Manning and Leaf, before the draft. Manning went on to win 186 games, pass for 71,940 yards, and garnered 14 pro-bowl selections. Leaf? He started 21 games, won four, passed for 3,666 yards (yikes) and never made a pro bowl.

Sadly, Leaf’s career didn’t take off, and he struggled with drug addiction.

Here’s hoping for better fortunes for the two quarterbacks taken Nos. 1 and 2 Thursday night in the NFL Draft: California’s Jared Goff (to the Los Angeles Rams) and North Dakota State’s Carson Wentz.

Only time will tell.

Speaking of unanswered questions … that’s what U is for today. And here’s what the girls have had on their mind:

1. Why do they boo when Luke Kuechly comes out?

They wanted the Denver Broncos to draft him, that’s why.

Kawaan Short, Marie, and Luke Kuechly at FanFest

They’re not booing Carolina Panthers linebacker Luke Kuechly (although quarterback Cam Newton thought they were at first. He thought Keuchly was a tight end!).

They’re saying “LUUUUUKE!” Detroit Tigers baseball fans serenaded star Lou Whitaker with a similar “LOUUUUUUU!” back in the day. For us guys named Eli or Johnny Manziel or Mark Sanchez, it’s black and white: If it sounds like a boo? They’re booing us, dude.

Luke’s the guy the ladies love and the boys want to be like. I found him walking around in the food court here at work one day. “I thought we hired some joker who looks just like Luke Kuechly,” I told him. He said our grub was better than what he gets at Panthers HQ.

I’ve also never seen so many beautiful women creep on a man as he ate his lunch. Maybe we middle-aged men should write a white-paper on how to properly creep.

2. Is it ‘infuse’ or ‘enfuse’?

It’s the first.

To infuse is to cause a person or thing to be filled with something of quality. Stuffed crust pizza, for instance. Or the Colorado Rockies’ World Series run in 2007. But mostly stuffed-crust pizza. Infuse vs. Enfuse is almost like Affect vs. Effect, only Enfuse isn’t a word.

You can also infuse a bottle of water with sliced up fruit in one of those cool water bottles. (If I’m to give equal billing to healthy tips and bacon up in here.) I’m duly impressed you asked an English-major kind of question. And they said art was dead.

3. Do you wear stripes with plaid?

Yes, and not even on accident.

In better and more organized times, I’d keep my dress shirts, under shirts, sweaters and pants on rotation. Nerdy, huh? Even my shoes were like this. It could result in all means of fashion faux pas. Screw fashion awareness.

I wear dark sports coats in the summer and Hawaiian shirts in winter.

I’m trill AF, after all.

4. Are you gay?

If only there were context here. I don’t remember you asking this, but I’m pretty sure who asked. Honestly, I think all three of you have probably asked at some point. One of you said I have a girl job, after all.

For the record, no. I’m not gay.

So you know how I am 30% woman? Get this: I’m 25% gay too. How does that work? Can there be overlap? I took The Gay Test online just now. I answered 20 questions as honestly as I could, although those about designer shoes and Liza Minnelli, I had no idea.

I’ve been fortunate in my formative years to have known an array of people of all different kinds.

“You’re definitely not gay,” the lighthearted gay-test.com attests, “but you could be a little straighter, if ya know what I mean, darling.”

Who knew? Kidding aside, people I love and like and hardly know are gay. I’ve always felt as if our sexual orientation (I hate when it’s called sexual preference – preference means, “I like redheads who root for the Rockies and eat steak”) isn’t a choice.

I didn’t choose heterosexuality.

I sure do love girls, though. I’m wholly hetero. Ya hear me, Pippa Middleton? I’ve been fortunate in my formative years to have known an array of people of all different kinds. It’s very cool that the similarities between us stand out more than differences.

5. How does an owl turn its head all the way around?

Only one kind of owl can turn its head completely around – a mascot.

(And that’s only if no one is inside the costume and you spin the head with your hands.) Although a 360-degree turn is impossible, owls achieve about 270 degrees, which is way more impressive than my 25% gayness.

Owls have ocular immobility: they can’t move their eyes like many other animals can.

Head contortions of that great degree would normally kill or paralyze an animal. This explains the parental innate fear of kids landing on their head and breaking their neck. Or playing football.

Check out this graphic to show how the owls’ skeletal and cardiovascular systems have adapted to give them this superpower.

Speaking of superpowers and the NFL Draft: Last night, the Denver Broncos drafted a quarterback, Memphis’ Paxton Lynch in the first round. I’m psyched. I think he’ll be a star eventually. I remember that even John Elway didn’t light it up from day one.

When you’re name’s Paxton Lynch – or John Elway – there’s no mistake if it sounds like boos coming from the home crowd.

They’re boos, dude.