“How in the world was I ever a student?”
In the midst of a work post, the utter stubbiness of my attention span – and ability to comprehend anything not about food, soccer or Star Wars – couldn’t be ignored. “They didn’t have as much stuff for you to learn back then,” Grace piped up.
“And they didn’t have all the ways we could learn stuff back then.”
Immediately I saw myself in my sabre-toothed tiger jumper, all Paleolithic-like in a schoolhouse like the ones on Little House on the Prairie. Oh, these kids.
A dad must find spots to teach them a little, or at least, stay the heck out of their way so they can do some learning on their own. This week, I got to write a post on ways I try and incorporate history into teaching my three daughters. My three book-allergic daughters.
I’ll add the link to the end of this post. Promise to go. Check out Diana Tierney’s blog too. She writes brilliantly on women in history and I just can’t wait for the day she winds up writing about my girls. You might remember her awesome guest post here on the CD.
Now that the nice stuff is out of the way, let’s explore insults, to lead off this week’s Go Ask Daddy.
1. What is a lummox?
It sounds like it ought to be an air-conditioning unit, or some healthy spreadable agent that you can get in a health-food store. Alas, no.
If you’re a clumsy, stupid person, you’re a lummox. It’s an early 19th-century insult of unknown origin. Stats show its heyday in probably the 1940s, or roughly my junior year in high school. No, my college mascot wasn’t the Lummoxes, but it could have been.
I’m a firm believer you can be clumsy without being stupid.
Stupidity doesn’t guarantee clumsiness or lummoxocity. I find endearment in the clumsy. Like the lady at work who kicked over a guy’s drink in the airport terminal in Cancun, then proceeded to side-swipe his face with her bag as she tried to help clean it up.
So attractive, that.
2. Aren’t there giant apples, like this big?
It’s impossible to Google anything apple without getting iPhone, iPad or iSomething.
The biggest apples probably come out of Texas. They’re not always awesome, huge apples. It’s tougher to take a bite out of something the size of your head, unless it’s a giant brownie. Can you imagine that? Let’s get back to apples, though, because you didn’t ask me about brownies this time.
Meet the Hokuto apple. It’s a Japanese hybrid of Fuji and Mutsu apples, all hyped up.
It’s got to be tough to bite, so think about it: Maybe if Eve had run across a Hokuto apple in the Garden of Eden, mankind could have been spared the pains of childbirth, serpents biting at our children’s ankles and probably the Steelers’ throwback unis.
Back to the Hokuto. A man in 2005 found one that weighed in at more than 4 pounds, a Guinness Record. That could feed an entire soccer team at halftime.
3. How old is Spongebob Squarepants?
S2 just turned 30 on July 14.
A screenshot of Spongebob’s Bikini Bottom driver’s license reveals his date of birth. At 30, he’s living la vida millennial: On his own (living at 124 Conch Street), but still in boating school. The cartoon’s illustrator, Stephen Hillenburg, said Spongebob is 50 in sponge years.
Three other things you might not know about the absorbent one:
- Spongebob’s character is a melding of Jerry Lewis, Pee-Wee Herman and Stan Laurel.
- Hillenburg, the mastermind behind Spongebob, once taught Marine Biology.
- You won’t believe who’s guest-starred on S2: Victoria Beckham, Johnny Depp, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, LeBron James, P!nk, Amy Poehler, and Robin Williams.
4. Do they sell Mexican pizza at Taco Bell?
Taco Bell sells Authentic Mexican pizza, in fact.
There’s even an interactive web page, where you can customize with the toppings you want. Forget the Whopper. Add nacho cheese sauce, Mexican rice (authentic Mexican rice!), and extra nacho cheese sauce for just 90 cents more.
Although I like to stand with arms folded in clear view of the kitchen in my best judgy look, I’m not at all opposed to Taco Bell. It’s cheap, it’s cheesy, and it’s easy. There’s a lot of appeal in that.
5. Is Jason Derulo married?
Oh, he’s a singer. I thought he played right field for the Miami Marlins.
He’s not married. He dated Jordin Sparks, another singer who really does spell her name like that, for a long time. On On Air With Ryan Seacrest, Jason said the couple started to fight a lot over stuff, and it wasn’t fun anymore. Jason said rumors that someone cheated weren’t true.
They were together for three years, I learned. That’s, like, 17 sponge years, I think.
Don’t forget to check out my guest post on Diana Tierney’s blog, Creating Herstory, now!