Go Ask Daddy about cannibalism, odd ducks and New York minutes


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Finally I have time to write a Go Ask Daddy post!

Id hoped this quarantine era would at least give me more casual blog writing time. What its become is highly distracted work-from-home time, with work days that drone into the night. At least I know this because I change from day pajamas to night pajamas.

Just getting to this point is a victory, though.

The girls amazingly havent had any COVID questions, but theres plenty in the vault from yesteryear. Hell, some of these questions have been around since the Spanish Flu epidemic. (Or, close to it.)

I choose five questions at random from a spreadsheet to answer for these posts.

Today is an amalgamation of cannibalism, waterfowl identification and simple world time management. You know, those run-of-the-mill things that dads are good for. Dad with access to a Google search in particular.

red eat neon sign turned on
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

1. What happens if you eat yourself?

You know, I said there werent any COVID questions

But this one could be. Luckily, this eventuality seems far off. We have a game from Target coming tomorrow (and a grocery order from Aldi – including animal crackers, which I will destroy). And another pickup order from Publix on Saturday.

Hey, a dad has to keep the Coke Zero supply going somehow.

If one must dine on oneself, well, it doesnt look good for you. Like, seriously. Id rather starve. (And if Totinos doesnt get their ass in gear and supply our neighborhood stores with more party pizzas, its a distinct possibility.)

This is what would happen if you wind up on your own menu:

  • The pain will send you into neurological shock.
  • Youll need IV fluids and medicine to bring you back to consciousness.
  • Brain damage will likely do you in.
  • Hell girls, we still have quinoa in the pantry. Which sounds slightly more appealing.

This is NOT the answer, by the way


2. Do you get to keep the ball if it goes in the stands?

It depends on the sport. And league. And situation. And we have plenty of instances in which weve seen it all, already. Like the time Hayden grabbed a ball at a Charleston Battery game and tossed it back on the field.

(The right thing to do.)

I kept the ball when I snagged a line drive at a Chattanooga Lookouts game (with baby Camdyn on my hip!) Ditto for when I fell backward in my chair after asking an outfielder, in Spanish, to throw me a ball.

Or when that Norfolk Tides catcher threw me the ball after he tagged a runner out at home to end the inning.

All those are legal and right. Its tradition that if you catch a soccer ball, you throw it back. You also have to give the ball back at an NFL game, unless Cam Newton hands it to you. (Otherwise, it might be a ball that Tom Brady wants back. You know.)

Arena Football League rules said that you can keep any ball that goes into the stands.

This should apply NASCAR even. If a quarter panel flies into the stands, you should be allowed to keep it, like Obama said about your health insurance. Once, a baseball bat flew right over our heads at a Knoxville Smokies game. But thats another post.

And sometimes you bring a decoy ball into a baseball stadium to make the play of the game to a dreamy girl when youre 10 and have the game of 30 Greek Gods. See here:

Then, actually, Gabby gets the real prize for this classic catch (Not bad for a Padres fan!)


muscovy
photo credit: Monkeystyle3000 Muscovy duck via photopin (license)

3. What is that?

Its a muscovy! You know how they say, if it talks like a duck and walks like a duck ? Well, heres your asterisk. The muscovy looks like a duck but acts like a goose! Plus, they have a breast like a turkey and cock-a-doodle-doo like a rooster.

Talk about an identity crisis.

Sometimes they get confused or try to defy their parents and they mate with ducks. Their kids are known as mule ducks because they cant reproduce! The younger ones are tasty, in case it comes to that (and we dont want to eat ourselves.)

You can even keep one as a pet.

Well, not YOU, girls. Even though theyre smart, curious and social, theyre not big cuddlers. Dont ask me how I know this. In fact, they can get testy and violent in a wing flap. They can live 8-12 years in the wild, but 20 in captivity. Not in your room, I reiterate.


person riding a bicycle during rainy day
Photo by Genaro Serv穩n on Pexels.com

4. How do you get food if you are flooded in?

Again, a tad relevant right now.

Were not talking flood, but that Publix drive-up order wont be ready until Saturday. I have of a 2-liter of Coke Zero left. I dont like those odds. In a flood, the first concern is the food you already have. Dont eat it if it comes in contact with flood water.

Flood water is like, the nastiest.

The problem with getting food in a flood is that places that make food are often flooded. So is your street. This becomes problematic for a) driving to new food or 2) getting new food driven to you. This makes me itchy just thinking about it.

grayscale photo of city buildings
Photo by Alexis Azabache on Pexels.com

5. Its the same time here as it is in New York?

Yes.

That could be the shortest answer in Go Ask Daddy history. But what fun would that be? Both New York and Charlotte, N.C. are in the same time zone and are both, at this moment, 1:00.10 AM ET. (Yes, I should be in bed by now.)

Italy, where COVID has had a heavy toll, is 6 hours ahead of us.

Interestingly, no country is 24 hours ahead of us. Hawaii is 10 hours behind Greenwich Mean Time, and were 4 hours behind it. GMT is the solar mean time at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England. Were 3 hours ahead of California.

Which was cool to be in when I could watch the Thursday night NFL game and it didnt go until midnight. I actually went out for a beer and enchiladas afterward because it was only like 9! Eating enchiladas is always preferable to eating yourself.

And someday, girls, well go to a Mexican restaurant again and hit the chips and salsa hard and even spring for the queso. Well order entrees, all of us, and celebrate the day this COVID madness ends. Until then – I love having you around.

And I miss you, Madison.

-30-

Tolstoy quote time

18 thoughts on “ Go Ask Daddy about cannibalism, odd ducks and New York minutes

  1. Yes, working from home is a highly distracted time thats for sure. I know cos Ive been doing it for a couple of years, not quite to this extent though.
    Fun post Eli. Not sure about the dining options on the first question. Take care and stay safe over there. xx

    1. I didn’t think it’d be this challenging, Miriam! I have a good procedure in place, but things keep happening. So glad you enjoyed this post – it’s been a while! When I drew that first question I knew I was in trouble from the start!

      Staying safe up here … you do the same over there, deal?

  2. The fact you have night and pajamas is impressive. Ive worn the same thing for 3 days straight and Matt finally asked if he could help with laundry. I mean, I have clean clothes but why bother?

    1. It’s deteriorated into just 24-hour pajamas at this point. I knew I couldn’t maintain! Back in the day they had just one set of clothes, right? Maybe that’s what we’re leaning toward!

  3. I’m enjoying sleeping in every day because I don’t have to get anyone off to school. Of course, I’ve been unemployed for a few months so I’m used to leggings and sweatshirts. The commute between my house and my parents though, is 3 hours…and there are no rest stops. Every moment is just another part of the journey. Blessings.

  4. I have never thought of what would happen if you ate YOURSELF. The more you know, right? lol I’m always messed up by time zones. When I think it’ll be different, it isn’t, and vice versa. And I’m soooo ready to eat in a restaurant again.

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

    1. I mean, if you eat yourself, do you become bigger or disappear? Ponder that. Even if you’re on Greenwich Mean Time.

      Yes. I want days of chips and salsa and lunch specials and even having to wait in a crowded restaurant for a table!

  5. I have heard both a New York minute and a skinny minute. Wonder if theyre related. Also, the question about eating yourself remind me a another hypothetical… if we were taken apart atom by atom we just be a pile of atoms, none discernible from the other. Kind like the end result of eating ourselves.

    1. It depends on the New Yorker, I imagine, Eric. I’ve also heard of a hot minute, which also depends on the New Yorker. That’s profound, about the atoms. We’re arranged just so. Some are arranged horribly, like the Rockies’ bullpen. Others are … Elizabeth Banks. #WayToGoGod.

      Eating atoms sounds better than eating ourselves. Pass the horse radish.

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