5 For Friday: Things I Put Back At The Grocery Store. No, Seriously.

Sometimes, I’m discriminating when it comes to food shopping.

Don’t laugh.

Sometimes, I put stuff back.

And it’s not always frozen spinach.

I once had a series of out-of-body experiences at the grocery store in which I resembled Mr. Weenie in “Open Season.”

I said “Yah!” but then I said “nein!” to all these items.

I promise.

1. An eight-pack of tall Pepsi Max bottles

Goodness. What a long, tall drink of water you are. No, not you Brooke Wyckoff. Your six friends there, in the slinky black dresses. I could say, “this sweet set of six will get me through 12 days,” because they’re supposed to be two serving sizes each, but I know as well as you do I’d roll through it in four days. So, go hydrate a picnic, you sexy thangs.

2. A box of Nilla Wafers

Absolutely golden. I’m only on my second item, and I’m already all google-eyed. Nothing’s better than putting two Nilla wafers in your mouth at the same time, bottom to bottom, and chasing it with a swig of cold Pepsi Max. Mmm. But, back you go, to become some grandma’s banana pudding.

3. Bratwurst

In a past life, I’m sure I was a cheese monger who grilled out at Packers games. If a hot dog is a hot rod, then a bratwurst is the space shuttle, with a full tank of gas. I once lost a bratwurst to a resourceful cavalier King Charles spaniel, and have played catch-up since. But, to another’s grill you must go.

4. White Castles

When we bought our fly 1984 GMC Eagle wagon, the dealership gave out free White Castles, mini onion-laced burgers from Kansas designed by Jesus to be eaten in bulk. I dreamed of entering a White Castle eating contest in Chattanooga. But, this box must clog someone else’s freezer, and arteries.

5. Pork rinds

I can find no other way to put this: Pork rinds are to Hispanics as potato chips are to white folk. They serve them at Mexican baseball games, with a goodly dose of Tabasco. They don’t even have any carbs! But they have as much sodium as the Indian Ocean. I’ll let one of my hermanos enjoy this bag.

Plus, what’s a good bag pork rinds without a Pepsi Max to wash them down?

Off to the produce section. I think it’s over there, behind the bakery.

But I’m not sure.

What about you – what item have you recently grabbed, put then put back? And which of these things would you vote back into my cart?


  1. I have to stay away from the potato chip aisle from time to time… just a little too tempting….. Oddly enough, it’s those little one-size portion size packs that get me (they sell them in packs of 6). I tell myself, I’ll just eat one small bag every other day, but then I remember that I have no self-dicipline at home and will just eat all 6 in one go so I put them back. Sigh.

    1. I feel your pain. It’s so annoying to have to open six different packs to get your 100 calories of cookies! Oh wait, is that 100 calories per pack? I thought they meant per box.

      My bad.

  2. I can’t say that any of these items have ever been in my cart. But this week I put back a box of chocolate chip granola bars and replaced them with a box of chocolate covered rainbow chip granola bars…and they aren’t gluten free so I only get to smell them! They are packed in a box to go on vacation with us in March!

      1. Ah…now I know you don’t read all of my blogs but I did a whole one on Going Gluten Free…I didn’t know what it was either and now I know way too much. And it is delicious! Chocolate is gluten free so I can manage… 🙂

  3. Well I certainly would not accept any of your choices there sir grossest food and drinks EVER!! I mean seriously…pork rinds? Pepsi? Give me some good ol’ fashion oreos and diet coke and call it a GOOD day. 😉 BTW- if you DO find the produce section…be sure to pick up some donuts at the bakery on the way. mmm…I loves me some donuts!!!

    1. Hey, one woman’s grossness is another man’s treat, you know. I think it says that in the bible. I can do the Oreos and Diet Coke too, you know. That’s a big basket. Plenty of room in my trunk to host these snacks.

      Amen, on the donuts. Harris-Teeter has these great donuts that are big as your face. I think they’re in the bible, too.

      1. HAHAHA! What’s with all the bible references??? LOL I think pork rinds are in the bible..perhaps the book of JOB. You silly man…silly silly man!!! 🙂

      2. I was a religious studies minor. So, sometimes, I get the facts wrong. I might have been hungry during certain classes, so the facts get a little muddled! Food does play a vital role in the bible, and other sacred texts, and for that, I’m glad. Now, off to church. I’m running late!

    1. There’s no such thing as A white castle – only a bag full. The thing is, that’s your whole damn family assaulting the Pepsi tall boys. For me, it’d just be me. I’m a one-man wrecking crew for six packs. Of soda, anyway.

  4. Sorry, but I wouldn’t vote any of those back into your cart! And it’s not just because I’m a personal trainer, it’s because I think all are gross. Sorry! I don’t remember the last time I put something in my cart and took it out other than a magazine. I have a list and I’m stickin’ to it!

    1. Thank you, actually. In fact, lately, I’ve chosen against all of them really … I’ve given up soda (although I did have a rum and Coke last night!), and I’ve tried to choose, when I eat meat, animals with fewer legs (you know, fish before chicken, chicken before beef, beef before insects.)

      (Not really, on the insects).

      Good call on the magazine. Some of those will give you worse indigestion than bratwurst.

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