Go Ask Daddy About Tunes, Cephalopods and the Dirty Origins of Mankind


gad-lede-2-10
photo credit: Jürgo Stormtrooper paste-up via photopin (license)

What do you call someone who is post-Millennial?

GAD GRAPHICI know I could find it on Google, but that’s not important. See, that’s where my kids are. That next generation. They’ll be the ones poking fun at you, millennials, for your antiquated ways. At least, their kids will be the ones.

So when a kid of mine travels with me, beside me in the front seat because the youngest among them is now 12, the conversations between Generation X and Generation Next happen anyway.

Sometimes, with Marie, it’s welcomed silence. On mountain roads coming from or going to Warren Wilson with Elise, it’s one really long story, interrupted by snack breaks and naps (her, not me.) With Grace, it’s a combination of those.

The radio becomes a focal point at some times and fades away at others.

The scan button gets a workout. We skim past gospel and Christian and my ex-lover, NPR. We got to old-school R&B and today’s hits and stations that say they play anything (although I’ve never heard GWAR on their station, not even once.)

This first question gets asked frequently …

1. Is this a good song?

We’re respectful of the differences in what we consider a “good song,” Grace and me.

I know when the scan button hits around 95 and 96, there’s a good chance there will be a Bruno Mars song and a 50% chance it’ll be about promiscuous sex. I know that soon, there’s going to be classic rock, and a good chance there’ll be a Steve Miller Band song.

There’s a 35% chance it’ll be about promiscuous sex.

But, we ask the questions. When techo-noise comes through the speakers, I’ll ask, “Is this one of your songs?” Grace will sometimes say, “I love this song!” but sometimes even, “yeah, but we don’t have to listen to it.”

She knows those two songs that say “work” over and over grate my nerves.

Here are three ways to know if a song is good, in my book.

DIVAS | If you’ve spent any time here, you know of my musical muses. Cher Lloyd and Norah Jones, Kesha and Ingrid Michaelson, although I don’t hear nearly enough of any of them on the regular airwaves. If dad’s eyes go heart-shaped, leave the station as is.

[This Sara Bareilles rendition of Dock of the Bay makes me shiver like I’m eating cookie dough ice cream in Green Bay with no socks on.]

COMMON LIKES | I wish dems and republicans, Celtic and United and the like could get along like we do. We’ve found common ground, Generation Next and me, in AC/DC and One Direction (shut up), the Beatles and Shawn Mendes. It’s all good.

LULLABYES | Back in the days (that I miss so much) when I’d sing you turkeys to sleep, there was plenty of Harry Connick, Jr., Elvis and the Beatles to go ‘round. Across the Universe became such a favorite. Jai Garu Deva, om, my girls.

2. Are all NFL teams’ names for their cities?

No. Some are regional names, to appeal to a greater population than the city limits.

Those not named for their host cities include:

  • Arizona Cardinals
  • Carolina Panthers
  • Minnesota Vikings
  • New England Patriots
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  • Tennessee Titans

That’s six of the 32 NFL teams not tied to their cities. There are franchises, such as the New York Jets and Giants, who are named after cities they don’t actually play in. I found this cool post about the origins of all NFL nicknames.

If not for the Grace of God, we could have had these NFL teams (these were actually nicknames considered):

  • Atlanta Vibrants
  • Buffalo Nickels
  • Cincinnati Buckeyes
  • Cleveland Panthers
  • Houston Apollos
  • Kansas City Mules
  • New York Goths
  • Oakland Señors
  • Seattle Skippers
  • Tennessee South Stars

And did you know New Orleans chose the Saints after the NFL awarded the city a franchise on All Saints’ Day, 1966?

3. Is an octopus a mammal?

octopuses
photo credit: Wonderlane via photopin cc

Not even a little, although I wish Jerry Richardson would have considered Carolina Octopuses as a franchise name.

(Imagine the helmets.)

Octopuses are cephalopods. They’ve no backbone, which would make them ideal candidates for NFL commissioner. However, they also are poisonous and use tools so they could battle the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots like champs.

They’re masters of camouflage, which could make for excellent pass defense. Octopuses don’t live long, though, usually just a few years (the general span of the average running back’s career) or just six months (like Sam Bradford’s success last season.)

4. What are those tiny red bugs?

mite
Town and Country Solutions photo

They’re clover mites, and before you think about them as an NFL franchise … well, they’d actually be pretty cool.

They’re bright red and relentless. (And really, there’s a minor-league baseball team called the Savannah Sand Gnats, so really, where’s the bar set?) They’re related to ticks and spiders, but far less harmful. Think the Oakland raiders or Dallas Cowboys of the insect world.

You know, mostly just pesty.

They’re tough to get rid of, kind of like the Kansas City Chiefs and Green Bay Packers. For all their pesty inclinations, when squished, they leave behind a red smudge, which makes them kind of like the Arizona Cardinals, if you think about it.

Have I left anyone out to offend in the football world?

5. Who were the people made of clay?

This is the first Go Ask Daddy question ever asked. It’s sat in the queue for, what, four years now? For the first time in GAD history, the random.org machine has chosen No. 1.

The idea of clay people comes at us from several sources, not the least of which is The Holy Bible. (I could mention the Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions at times appear made of clay, but I won’t. Oh shit. I just did.)

Clay folks are mentioned in Greek mythology, Chinese legend and Egyptian religious texts.

We could be made of far worse things than clay, I say.

I won’t, really, this time. Scientifically, clay’s an ideal breeding ground for the molecular and mineral structures that could produce life. Clay, then, over billions of years, could have hosted the stuff that created living cells.

Or maybe God just scooped up a handful and sculpted one day.

Either way, clay is underrated. There’s only one song I could find about clay and fitting. You won’t find it on the oldies station or new country hits. It’s not even fitting for the Los Angeles Chargers’ new fight song.

(There. I think I’ve offended most. I’ll get you next time, Bills, Redskins and Bears fans.)

clay-quote

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19 Replies to “Go Ask Daddy About Tunes, Cephalopods and the Dirty Origins of Mankind”

  1. Great post, Eli! Music wars- though we generally, in this house, agree on classic rock. I am so proud that many of mine can sing right along with me to almost anything that comes on the radio!! The Green Bay Packers??!!! You can never get rid of that team!!!! Its our team!!

    1. Thanks, Vicki! Classic rock tends to become the common ground. It’s a gift we give our kids, music.

      I’d never get rid of the Packers – tease them for using a wide receiver at running back, yes, and also for Clay Matthews’ diva ways, but I’d never get *rid* of the Pack. Ever.

  2. Lord… please tell me you didn’t listen to GWAR! 😱That isn’t music! I like all kinds of music 🎸, Rock, Jazz, a little bit of Country, Big Band, Classical, but my first love that I will always go to is Classic Rock because… you know, that is what I grew up with. Billy Joel, Aerosmith, Kansas, Steve Miller Band, The Who, Zeppelin, The Moody Blues… etc. I love one hit wonders like Stuck in the Middle with you, Spirit in the Sky, In the Summertime and who can forget Play that Funky Music White Boy! 🎼
    I don’t care much about the NFL 🏈especially after The Rams left St Louis. We live in Texas but we are not Cowboys fans (at least I’m not). But I LOVE me some baseball! ⚾ I am a die hard St Louis Cardinals fan and I am with them through thick and thin! 🙂
    Hmm.. octopi? or is it octopodes? I do not like them Sam I am.. I do not understand people who do. 🐙
    I would definitely agree with the red bug pests 🐜 and the Dallas Cowboys… I would throw Green Bay in there as well! LOL!
    Clay people are interesting! He is the potter and we are the clay! 💖
    Carry on… 😘

    1. I *knew* GWAR, Courtney – or rather, knew dudes who knew GWAR. Horrible stuff, that.

      You listed some gold there, too. I was so happy when The Who came on the radio as we were leaving soccer training – and Grace turned it up.

      The Rams are already the second-favorite team in Los Angeles. Third, if you count the raiders, who aren’t even there, but still rate better. Poor slobs. Of course, they had a ratty home in that dome in St. Louis.

      Octos are pretty cool, aren’t they? Why don’t you like them? I even like to eat them.

      Everyone has a franchise or three they’d like to let the bugs chew on. I posted an Instagram pic of a Papa John’s box with all the NFL logos on it – I made some “edits.”

      You covered it all, right down to the clay. Bravo.

      1. Well.. I don’t like to eat Octopi. That was what I was talking about mostly. But they are kind of cool creatures. I have some awesome pics 📷 I took at an aquarium once. There was a glass tunnel where you could walk under the water and there was one stuck to the glass in the corner. They are fascinating to look at 👀
        As for the dome in St. Louis, it wasn’t THAT bad but the city offered to build them a whole new stadium and they STILL left. Everyone HATES Stan 😈 Kroenke. It was his intention to take them back to LA from the moment he purchased them and to hell with what the city or the fans in STL wanted.😒

      2. I think you should do a photo post with those aquarium pics … Stan Kroenke has joined the ranks of the hated, like Art Modell, Marge Schott and George Steinbrenner. Maybe you can get the Jaguars to move to St. Louis.

  3. I don’t think we have those mites around here which is good, we have enough troubles with ticks. Your radio section reminded me of a game I used to play with my niece, the radio game- you set to scan and see who can guess each song first,once the one with the most after it goes through all the stations wins. Have a nice weekend!

    1. I had my own pic of them on an old phone – they were crawling on a concrete wall at a soccer match.

      I love that game – will give it a try next time the kids and I are out to scan. Hope your weekend’s going well!

  4. I rarely listen to the radio… except when I’m driving and then it’s usually news/current affair/talk back. I like to keep awake when I’m driving and yelling at the radio helps.
    Oh, I like that song about clay. But there is another song about clay, Otis Redding sang one about Sitting on Top of the Clay 😀

    1. I’ve given up all that up, Lyn, the newstalk and such, and I loved NPR and 23% of the women reporters for it.

      That’s a little-known Otis song, isn’t it? B side of Dock of the Bay, that’s what I’ve heard.

  5. traveling with all 3 daughters we always took turns with songs. (ooh, you’ve given me a blog post inspiration!) they were the best company. and i really could get behind a team like the kansas city mules!

  6. Recently my phone has accrued a whole new music genre. All of a sudden it plays lots of Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber – I wonder how that happened… The little guy on the backseat then tells me how many likes this particular songs currently has on Youtube. The other day he also confessed that he commented “Kate Perry s****” using MY account!??

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