Go ask daddy about mile-high babies, low-key animal speed and measuring blue language in one of your songs

stormtrooper pink elephants (2)

I used to be such a bullshitter.

GAD GRAPHICUsed to be! For this particular division of BS, I’d ask my sports-minded friends and sports-department cohorts, Hey, did you hear about the trade? The first couple of times, it works like a charm.

I make it sound convincing.

At newspapers, I make it all official, with a dateline and everything. Like, for instance:

Continue reading “Go ask daddy about mile-high babies, low-key animal speed and measuring blue language in one of your songs”

Advertisements

The wisdom of shark heads, quarterbacks and old-school Billy Joel

stormtrooper cap queens grant stallions (2)

It’s 12:17 a.m. and this day has gone so long it’s wrapping around into the next.

I have cobwebs on my blog or at least on my comments and if your blogs were my goldfish, you’d all be belly up in algae-riddled muck. I’m the blogging equivalent of the boyfriend who texts you at 2 a.m.

It’s 12:19 now and I should be doing a million other things.

Looking for a job, for instance. Not eating this quarter pounder on a plate, stage right. Boiling water for the sleepytime tea I’ve had every night. Answering comments or brushing my teeth or, maybe even sleeping before my 2.5-hour trip to Raleigh at 7 a.m.

Continue reading “The wisdom of shark heads, quarterbacks and old-school Billy Joel”

Go ask daddy about sports stuff, pie construction and song evolution

stormtrooper car back seat decal
photo credit: kennethkonica IMG_8255 via photopin (license)

I’ve spent a lifetime of halves on a sideline.

GAD GRAPHICMore than that, if you count the days as an athlete. Back then I warmed the bench. I had a uniform, though. I loved sport. I sucked at it. But I loved it. I romanticized it and I relished it. And I could do it just well enough to make the team. Not an atom more.

I tend to stand on the field a bit, which is illegal.

I’m short. I have to do it. I get out of the way when the ball comes my way. Unless I don’t. One day I was slow to retreat. The ref gave me a look. The opposing coach hopped and pointed fingers like I’d just stolen his fortune cookie.

Continue reading “Go ask daddy about sports stuff, pie construction and song evolution”

Who we’d go back in time to hug, in 6 words

stormtrooper darth vader hug
photo credit: Kalexanderson The imperial reunion (square version) via photopin (license)

Behold, the hug.

6 words graphicIs anything in the universe as potentially awkward and comforting as the hug? Humans (or many mammals) have the innate ability to express love or like, congratulations or condolences by simply opening their arms and pressing together their bodies.

I compile a monthly post called 6 Words. Ernest Hemingway inspired it when he said any story can be told in six words. I ask bloggers, friends, strangers, and a few strange blogger friends to respond to a prompt.

Here’s the prompt for August:

Continue reading “Who we’d go back in time to hug, in 6 words”

#GirlsRock: An Interview with Firestarter LLC Founder Frances Reimers

stormtrooper tree disc golf park

I aim for, oh, 1,300 or so words when I put together these #GirlsRocks posts.

cd-interviewsSometimes, that word count doesn’t do it justice. Frances Reimers tested the standard. That’s what happens when you’ve done a few dozen great things – it’s tough to narrow down the line of questioning (you hear me, Joanna Gammon?)

Her latest endeavor, Firestarter LLC, is a brand consulting firm.

[check it out here]

Continue reading “#GirlsRock: An Interview with Firestarter LLC Founder Frances Reimers”

I Believe … XIII

stormtrooper store front
Stormtrooper in a Denver storefront. Photo courtesy of Rhea Merck

It’s been a while since I’ve done an I Believe post.

Not that I don’t still believe, because I do. Some days, it’s easier than others to see it. Every day, though, we carry with us beliefs. Mine pop up in conversation, email, texts, comment responses, court depositions.

Kidding on that last one.

What do you believe? I’m only slightly (and very slightly) embarrassed that probably 37 of 42 statements here are food-related. Forty-two, also, is not by accident. It’s supposed to be the answer to the universe.

Continue reading “I Believe … XIII”

Our Greatest Adventures, in 6 Words

IMG_20170521_111823

Who doesn’t love a great adventure?

6 words graphicSometimes, they’re set in the wilderness, or the big city, or even in a galaxy far, far away. Other times, they happen in the tortilla aisle at the local Aldi. No matter. Adventure can find us anywhere, and they leave behind a great story, at least.

I compile a monthly post called 6 Words. Ernest Hemingway inspired it by his assertion that any story can be told in six words.

I ask bloggers, friends, strangers, and a few strange blogger friends to respond to a prompt. Here’s the prompt for July:

Continue reading “Our Greatest Adventures, in 6 Words”

Sunday Reads V: Authentic Living, Savvy Writing and Cookies You Won’t Believe Actually Exist

stormtrooper face
photo credit: chris favero StormTrooper Bucket shot via photopin (license)

Never raise a hand to a child, I read once – it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Comedy writer Robert Orben said that. I’ve never raised a hand to any of my children. I have, however, left my midsection – from the bottom of my rib cage to my upper thigh – vulnerable. I’ve been kicked by kids in shopping carts a thousand times.

I should be writing this post in falsetto.

There are better, healthier ways for a dad to remain vulnerable. It’s crucial for us to exude strength to our kids; we often want to take it to the extreme, though. There’s a balance to discover, between The Terminator and The Cowardly Lion.

Continue reading “Sunday Reads V: Authentic Living, Savvy Writing and Cookies You Won’t Believe Actually Exist”

Go Ask Daddy About Football Laundry, Wacky Words, and Our Next Outdoors Adventure

IMG_20170106_172616

Referees and me. Hmm.

GAD GRAPHICYou know me. I’m mostly the agreeable type. Sure, I mutter insults to people who tailgate me and blow past me on the highway – all while snapping chats on their mobiles. But for the most part? Live and let live.

Except for, maybe, refs.

Not all refs, mind you. I’ve had enough run-ins with our striped adversaries to write a post on it. I’d be itchy afterward, though. I don’t really want to get into it. How bad does it get?

I wouldn’t go to Sports Clips for awhile because the stylists wore referee shirts.

Continue reading “Go Ask Daddy About Football Laundry, Wacky Words, and Our Next Outdoors Adventure”

Go Ask Daddy About Scholastic Schedules, Commemorative Symbols, and Picking Nits in Our Language

IMG_20170521_111122

This week, it’s all academic.

GAD GRAPHICMeaning, there’s some deep philosophical questions here. Well, one at least. And one about cheese, which to me is a sign of higher intelligence. Although, when I was in college, it didn’t really feel like a haven of higher learning.

Was it just me?

I once got an 8 – yes, e-i-g-h-t – on a science test. I stayed after to ask, “is there any mathematical reason I shouldn’t hit drop-add after this?” My prof, he of feathered hair and a beard before beards were cool, simply shook his head.

Continue reading “Go Ask Daddy About Scholastic Schedules, Commemorative Symbols, and Picking Nits in Our Language”