Some days, a dude’s gotta eat. You know what I’m saying?
You just can’t wait to get home, soak in a hot shower, pull on some Avengers pajama pants and eat. Not just anything. Not a fist full of Saltines or – yuck – kale chips. You need scrumptious, on a day getting your arse handed to you on the soccer pitch or you forget to wear a belt all day long.
It’s not just after a rough ride that you’d like a plate of mouth-stuffing goodness.
Hell, when the Rockies bullpen holds a lead, or I get to work in less than an hour, or I see tons of commercials with Erica Piccininni in them, or your scrappy soccer team gives the conference champs all sortsa hell and high water, well, that makes you hungry, too.
I don’t take comfort food lightly.
My love affair with cheeseburgers and pizzas is well-documented. Here are five other comfort foods I turn to in times of trouble, or when good stuff’s double, even. What about you? What kinds of foods dance the dance of love with your taste buds?
Jerry Seinfeld might have made it famous, but I made it real: Late-night cereal. Man, it was like clockwork: 11 p.m.? Hello, bowl of Frosted Flakes. Oh dang – milk left over? Let me add some more flakes. Oops! Too many flakes. Better add milk.
Yadda yadda yadda … hey, who ate the rest of the box of Frosted Flakes?
I labored to explain why my A1C hadn’t looked so good at the doctor’s office. “I get exercise,” I explained, “with disc golf, and you know, flipping pancakes for the kids. I eat graham crackers all the time, and I saw on The View that they’re super low glycemic …”
Doc just shook her head with her eyelids closed.
Like, shook it diagonally, which means, not just no, but oh, hell no. Was it dang beautiful Paula Faris and her chocolate brown eyes and cinnamon irises who said it? Ah hell, she didn’t say anything about graham crackers. It’s on me.
So I eat them in moderation.
So good you want to slap your mama. I feel like I got started late in life on this like if I knew Pad Thai in college, I’d have gone to class. If I knew it early in my journalism career, maybe I’d have had better sources. Or maybe coulda been a 5 or even a 6.
When I eat Pad Thai, I fork it on slowly and just watch all the goodness slide onto the fork and I’m sure to wear my glasses so I can just, you know, watch it. Delicious.
It sounds liberal, but hear me out: I Libertarian the hell out of it, with cashews and bacon, croutons and turkey. Wontons, even. Yeah. The more crunch, the better. And don’t discount it because I put Thousand Island or ranch dressing all over it, either.
Just because I’m eating plants doesn’t mean it has to taste like lawn cuttings.
A warm tortilla (or three) is like a beacon through the fog. Wrapped around melting cheese. Folded up, spread with butter inside, or maybe dipped in a concoction of peanut butter and syrup.
Tortillas, homemade and big as my face, full of chorizo or beans or hell even grilled chicken. You add a warm tortilla, you’re 13 steps closer to heaven.
If a dude’s gotta eat, a dude’s gotta do it right.