Vegas. Any weekend convention, if you’re a lot of guys. A wedding reception.
Definitely the parental sideline at any youth athletics event.
These are all places humans have gravitated toward boorish and ill-advised behavior. Today’s guest post is from my oldest, Madison, who, like her sisters, says she blocks out the noise from the familial upline, but what she wrote today demonstrates otherwise.
She hears you, y’all.
And today she’s fighting back. As a coach who doesn’t holler his head off, and therefore hears a lot of what she’s saying, I’m firmly in her support camp. I’ve heard some pretty asinine things coming from over there, you guys. My kid sums it up well.
10 of the worst soccer parent utterances
1. Get a foot on it
Good idea. Considering this is soccer.
This would be okay advice if you weren’t yelling it during the 80th minute of a 100-degree game on a turf field and it looks like you’ve never seen the inside of the gym.
3. Do it Again
The majority of the time when this is screamed across the field, it’s after youʼve made a good play, but failed to put the ball in the back of the net. If it failed the first time, you don’t wanna do it again or it’ll just fail the second time.
4. Cm’on ref
No matter how many times you say this the ref will never c’mon and make your call after he’s already made his.
5. Don’t let her beat/push you
This is soccer. Youʼre going to get beat and youʼre going to get pushed. And 1), we players donʼt like to get beat, so donʼt you think weʼre trying not to? And 2) itʼs inevitable to get pushed. It’s gunna happen. Whattya want me to do? Punch her?
6. Kick it hard
What a concept! Except harder is not always better. Donʼt believe me? Watch a menʼs match.
7. Push her back
Um, nine times out of 10, refs will call you, so unless you wanna try some more of that cmʼon ref stuff, I would advise against telling us to do this.
8. Call it both ways, ref
Refs are awful no matter what side youʼre on, so why fight it? Just let go and let God.
9. Be aggressive
This isnʼt hockey, and again, remember the refs are against us! Itʼd never work.
10. Turn around
Nah, imma just run the wrong way, itʼll look like a little kid trying to play FIFA.
Madison was an all-region goalkeeper at Queen’s Grant High School and played a season at Warren Wilson College. She’s currently studying to become a vet tech and I hope will train goalkeepers on any team I coach until the day Ronaldo’s hair falls out of place.
Other posts in the A to Z Challenge
A is for Approachable Stranger in Target
B is for Boy without a job
C is for Courtney Wright, guest blogger
E is for Is he EVER going to catch up?