I can’t help it.
When the kids say something about subs at a soccer match, my mind goes to steak and cheese. Or turkey and avocado. It’s just how it is and I can’t change it. But the distraction is mostly temporary.
When I sub a kid into a game, it gives us a bit of a forum to talk that we don’t normally get.
You’re my mom’s favorite coach, but not my dad’s one girl told me. A new player told me how nervous she was to get in. Hayden didn’t spend a lot of time there, but as she waited to go back in after getting her first yellow card, we both tried not to snicker too loud.
I don’t believe in yanking a kid off the pitch if he’s made a mistake – but if there’s a chance to make it a fresh learning experience, I’m all for it.
By far, the most prevalent part of our conversation, between coach and player, as we wait for a ref to allow her into the game: Wait, where am I going again?? It’s okay. Maybe she was thinking about a chipotle ranch chicken sub on a four-cheese sub roll.
Go Ask Daddy is my spot to answer random questions from an exhaustive list. My kids supply the questions. It’s my job to find the answers. Here we go:
1. What happens if you use up all your substitutions?
You’ll notice they said substitutions and not just subs. Smart kids.
In any level we’ve played, we’ve had limitless substitutions. Not so at the highest levels. You get three per match. Also, a player taken off is done for the day. Sides have a bench – usually more than three deep – to choose from, but you must choose wisely.
Subbing used to be illegal unless the player taken out was injured.
If you’ve seen today’s game – for men, especially – there’s no shortage of players who can win an Emmy for best fake injury. Teams under limitless substitutions bring on new players at every dead ball to eat up the clock (if they’re winning.)
If a top-level team uses it’s three, but then needs a fourth?
You must play a player down for as long as you must. If a player is just tired, hopefully, he can get back in before long. In the case of ineffective play, I’d try to hide him on the pitch. If they’re hurt, well, just play good defense and hope for opportunities!
2. Isn’t a chisel what you use to chisel something?
A chisel is used to carve into wood, metal, stone … any hard material. You usually see it used with a hammer, beating on the other end of it. I think maybe Picasso used one to paint the Sistine Chapel, or maybe that was Bob Ross and the Frescos. I forget.
But you could do other things with a chisel, such as:
- Old screwdriver
- Old pocket knife
- Mini drill
*Two of these three should be old because you’re likely going to jack them up. The mini drill is built to take some abuse.
What if you have a chisel laying around and nothing to chisel? You could use one as a:
- Pocket knife
- Back scratcher (not a mini drill)
You could make your own chisel – but I bet you’d need a chisel for that.
3. Do you have glands under your tongue?
Yes. Moms everywhere prefer the method of checking to see if your glands are swollen by feeling around the ticklish parts under your chin, rather than poke a finger under your tongue. This is a good thing, in my estimation.
These glands are your spit factories and can get swollen with bacteria or viruses.
There are three sets of glands in the neighborhood – the Parotid, Submandibular, and Sublingual. They sound like Greek gods or Pokemon’s friends. There are all these holes in your mouth you didn’t even realize were there, to keep the spittle flowing.
They get activated when you think of food or smell good food cooking – or just get taken away to a better place when you daydream about a ham and Havarti with bacon on a toasted wheat roll and homemade honey mustard.
A to Z Challenge: