I can’t help it.
When the kids say something about subs at a soccer match, my mind goes to steak and cheese. Or turkey and avocado. It’s just how it is and I can’t change it. But the distraction is mostly temporary.
When I sub a kid into a game, it gives us a bit of a forum to talk that we don’t normally get.
You’re my mom’s favorite coach, but not my dad’s one girl told me. A new player told me how nervous she was to get in. Hayden didn’t spend a lot of time there, but as she waited to go back in after getting her first yellow card, we both tried not to snicker too loud.
I don’t believe in yanking a kid off the pitch if he’s made a mistake – but if there’s a chance to make it a fresh learning experience, I’m all for it.
By far, the most prevalent part of our conversation, between coach and player, as we wait for a ref to allow her into the game: Wait, where am I going again?? It’s okay. Maybe she was thinking about a chipotle ranch chicken sub on a four-cheese sub roll.
Or something.
Go Ask Daddy is my spot to answer random questions from an exhaustive list. My kids supply the questions. It’s my job to find the answers. Here we go:
1. What happens if you use up all your substitutions?
You’ll notice they said substitutions and not just subs. Smart kids.
In any level we’ve played, we’ve had limitless substitutions. Not so at the highest levels. You get three per match. Also, a player taken off is done for the day. Sides have a bench – usually more than three deep – to choose from, but you must choose wisely.
Subbing used to be illegal unless the player taken out was injured.
If you’ve seen today’s game – for men, especially – there’s no shortage of players who can win an Emmy for best fake injury. Teams under limitless substitutions bring on new players at every dead ball to eat up the clock (if they’re winning.)
If a top-level team uses it’s three, but then needs a fourth?
You must play a player down for as long as you must. If a player is just tired, hopefully, he can get back in before long. In the case of ineffective play, I’d try to hide him on the pitch. If they’re hurt, well, just play good defense and hope for opportunities!
2. Isn’t a chisel what you use to chisel something?
Fo Shizzle.
A chisel is used to carve into wood, metal, stone … any hard material. You usually see it used with a hammer, beating on the other end of it. I think maybe Picasso used one to paint the Sistine Chapel, or maybe that was Bob Ross and the Frescos. I forget.
But you could do other things with a chisel, such as:
- Old screwdriver
- Old pocket knife
- Mini drill
*Two of these three should be old because you’re likely going to jack them up. The mini drill is built to take some abuse.
What if you have a chisel laying around and nothing to chisel? You could use one as a:
- Screwdriver
- Pocket knife
- Back scratcher (not a mini drill)
You could make your own chisel – but I bet you’d need a chisel for that.
3. Do you have glands under your tongue?
Yes. Moms everywhere prefer the method of checking to see if your glands are swollen by feeling around the ticklish parts under your chin, rather than poke a finger under your tongue. This is a good thing, in my estimation.
These glands are your spit factories and can get swollen with bacteria or viruses.
There are three sets of glands in the neighborhood – the Parotid, Submandibular, and Sublingual. They sound like Greek gods or Pokemon’s friends. There are all these holes in your mouth you didn’t even realize were there, to keep the spittle flowing.
They get activated when you think of food or smell good food cooking – or just get taken away to a better place when you daydream about a ham and Havarti with bacon on a toasted wheat roll and homemade honey mustard.
-30-
A to Z Challenge:
A is for Almost (and also At Last)
B is for Baggett (as in Laura, the actress, and #GirlsRock interview)
C is for Cursive, Cats, and Chinese Restaurants (Go Ask Daddy about them)
F is for Fieri, Falling in Love, and Focus (Weekend Reads IV)
G is for #GoAskDaddy: An interview with realtor Kristen Foxx
I is for I Shot the Sheriff, Item Lifting and other Illegal Activity (Go Ask Daddy)
J is for Journalist, a #GirlsRock Interview with Esther Robards-Forbes
K is for Kickass Kindness (to go with #gratitudeandshit)
L is for Low Self-Esteem, Life Sucks, and Electric Lit (Weekend Reads V)
M is for Manifest your dreams? No thanks. (Here’s why.)
N is for a new path (and why you don’t need one)
O is for old people, other police dogs and one business day (Go Ask Daddy!)
P is for Patience (and how to procure it)
Q is for quality (and other #gratitudeandshit items)
S is for Superpowers (a guest post from Cindy of Simple Steps)
T is for Three Hundred Writing Prompts (Guilt)
Just a dad ... 
And now I’m thinking about subs darn it! And I already had lunch! I never thought about the glands under your tongue, but that makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. Mine are most definitely salivating right now thinking of those subs. Mmmm.
I always think about subs, Beth. In fact, sometimes I eat as preventative way to stave off hunger. I don’t even know how the question about the tongue glands came up – you should see some of them in here!
The questions, not the glands.
Toasted roll or no, Beth?
Hmmm, Havarti.
Interesting to know about uses for a chisel.
Havarti is the king of kings, Mimi.
Well, I had to get creative about chisel use. Not everything is on Google!
Man, all that talk about food made me hungry for a sandwich. I had no idea there were so many rules about subbing for teams. My boys are still in the very young stage of the game, so I’ll have to come back to this in a few years.
You and me both, Shann! Those rules apply only to like, national games. Right now, I’m glad to have unllimited subs – although sometimes I’d just like a footlong – hold the onions.
I used to live in a city with many options for subs. The sandwiches. In my new home in Vietnam, they have their own version, called a Banh Mi. It’s not a sub, but it’s really good.
Found you through AtoZ.
Doesn’t Speak Klingon
What city was that? The sandwiches are my favorite type of sub. I might have had a banh mi once. Is it on thin bread, kind of crunchy?
Glad you got here from A to Z! Bookmarking you now.
I’m all in for a grilled steak, mushroom and cheese sub please. as for on the field, I had no idea about this process. apparently, I just watched my girls’ games without knowing anything about the sport at all, after reading many of your posts )
Yes – toasted roll too? Luckily our levels of soccer don’t have all those substitution rules. It’s tough enough to coach without worrying about all that. I was mad enough yesterday when, 5 minutes before kickoff, the refs asked me to fix the net on one goal and pump up the game balls.
Dude, you’ve been here 45 minutes! You couldn’t ask me earlier?
Just had lunch and now I’m hungry for a sub. Or a sandwhich. Anything with cheese.
Didn’t realise there were so many rules for substitutions!
I think about dinner as I’m wrapping up lunch. Maybe a sandwich inside a sub? Extra cheese. You get me.
Yeah, usually, there are few substitutions, so that stuff doesn’t come up.
In here for the subs too 😋 also that kid who said you’re her moms favorite coach but her dads 🤣 I gotta say, to be they unfiltered is pretty amazing.
Also back to food. Havarti is a pretty good cheese. But I’m not one to turn down cheese, like ever.
Hope all is well with you: always amazing to be here ❤️
What goes on your sub, Charlotte? Kids are so unfiltered, and that’s one of the greatest gifts I get out of this.
I’ve never said, “that’s too much cheese,” or, “no thanks,” to cheese. Life is too short.
Things are hectic but great here, friend. Always amazing to have you here.
Another great quote! My mouth waters when I think of things I love, like watermelon or a homegrown juicy summer tomato right from the vine. Steak and cheese will do it also. Love food!
Wait, what were we talking about again?
Food … that’s all I remember!
😂😂
🥫🥫🥫